He can't remember what happened last night.

[soangrysometimes]

H and I had a massive row when he rolled in pathetically drunk and incapable last night at 3am (having been uncontactable etc - I was frantic). He has form, but it has been almost a year since the last episode like this after I issued an ultimatum after he got mugged having drunk himself insensible and passed out in an unfamiliar area.

He'd promised to help with a lot of stuff which needed doing by today so I was worried and furious.

Row ended up with me forcing him out of the front door (we're in flats). He passed out on the landing and woke me up at 6am having managed to get in (he couldn't work the door when he first got home). Pawing me and saying I love you baby.

Kicked him off and into DD's (empty, she was sharing with DD2) bed. Dragged him up in time to have a shower before work as he stunk of alcohol and was still stumbling/slurring etc.

He was aggressive and whiny. Packed him off to work and sorted the kids (he usually takes them to school).

He just called from work sounding pretty normal, no reference to last night, reminding me that school closes early today, just normal chat (we usually talk throughout the day).

I can well believe he doesn't remember the row, and might have thought he passed out on the stairs under his own steam, but he can't have genuinely forgotton this morning (I made it very clear I thought he was being incredibly disrespectful and pathetic), and he'll have all the text messages I sent him to refer to.

Is he pretending to have forgotton? Should I go along with it? The temptation to brush it under the carpet this close to xmas is strong but would send the wrong message I think.

your partner is an alcoholic, sorry

all those examples you have listed where his drinking is impacting on family life, friendships, weddings, insulting people etc clearly show a man out of control

he needs help...it seems he got a big shock a year ago, and has moderated his drinking since

but on a pretty piss-poor excuse (just a drink with a mate) he slips right back#

he must seek help, as a condition of you staying together

if he won't, I would consider thst a deal-breaker

Grace gives really sound advice here, I think. I'm glad he apologised and hope it was a one-off.

AnyFucker, no need to apologise - I don't doubt it. But the fact remains that he (and most of society), think that 'alcoholic' means something very different and using that term to describe his behaviour TO him wouldn't get me anywhere, he'd just close down because I was being 'ridiculous' or 'unreasonable'. He would certainly never in a billion years describe his behaviour that way, whatever I said.

then you have to decide how you proceed from here

he is in deep denial and I wouldn't give a shit what the "rest of society" thought

this man is wrecking your trust and respect for him

if he is happy to continue down that path, then you have some difficult decisions to make I think

have you ever contacted a support group such as Al-Anon who support the families of alcoholics ?

I expect your story would be very, very familiar to them

I was looking at Al-anon earlier actually. There's a meeting down the road, but I'd worry about that slightly (small village). There's another I could get to easily.

I think I'll do it. I'll need to let H know where I am going on weds evening too, which might engender some discussion.

Was also going to sugest Al-Anon

Hope you're ok, OP

I think that is an excellent idea

you need some support for you since he is rejecting all avenues where he may get some

I hope you are ok...it can be very lonely to face up to these problems on your own

your dp is wrong to dismiss your concerns like this, very wrong

< quick hijack >

NNBISTB, you should have won the xmas namechange competition

The best Fucker won it, IMO

well, ta, but yours is better

OP - hope you don't mind me suggesting this, but you could also try posting on the Brave Babes thread for any experiences/advice/thoughts etc, re AA.

Kind of what to expect (although all meetings are different) and maybe have a 'chat' to someone who has been.

here

oh yes, excellent idea, mousey x

< resuscitates mousey and kisses her again >