estranged gp's have just sent our dc a christmas card after years of no real contact what do I do....

[NotInTheMood]

as they are 3 and 6 years old. The card was adressed to them and sent from Gd and GM. Do I read it out to them even though they have no clue who they are as gp's have not had anything to do with us for years which was there call. Hnece bring up alot of awkward questions from my 6 year old. Dh is reall annoyed as the content is all about how lucky they are to have them and how its a pleasure to watch them grow!! They have seen ds2 about 3 times and that was at a family gathering. I would not stop them from meeting them if they make the first moves an are not going to cause trouble (both are toxic)or cause any hurt to my children.

I have never spoken about them to the kids because its hard to explain that they cut ties with dh over something so pathetic just because they wanted control.I just want to protect my children its not nice for me to know they live down the road and have made little effort to see them because they are too stubborn and controlling to admit what they did was wrong.

I thought you meant from an old doctor

er... hmm. do you read out every card you receive to DCs? if you jsut stuck the card up somewhere would they even know it was there? then you've made a tiny mental acceptance that they want to be in contact without necessarily making a huge song and dance about them potentially being in your lives. it's only a card, see where this is leading type of thing?

oops sorry. Both of them don't know them. Ive often waited for ds to ask me about them first as he knows my mum and dad are his nana and grandad. So was waiting for him to ask about dhs mum and dad but he hasn't.Although i would of told him a little like we broke frineds or something. Its difficult as the words seem so untrue by their actions i.e 'a joy watching you grow' theyve missed 5 years of ds1 there first gc and didnt even see or ask about ds2 when i was pregnant. Its almost too raw. Although they are trying to build foundations i guess we have buily up a brick wall.

I wouldn't read the card to DCs. Would they really register/remember even if you did? I think whether you read the card to them is pretty irrelevant in the greater scheme of the relationship with the GPs.

dont read the card, put it up, but thats all. you are their mum and if you dont want them to have contact when so young, its your call.

What do you mean, exactly, by "both are toxic"? If they fell out over something"pathetic" it seems a bit strong...

I agree with Pixieonaleaf about acknowledging them (subject, of course, to "toxic" not meaning they are despicably debauched, evil and dangerous to children).

Why do you think they have sent a card?.

Don't read these children this card; it will not mean anything to them. You should actually get rid of it and not display it anywhere in your home. Such things can be very loaded.

Sounds like your toxic ILs want a way in; i.e a way in to hurt your family all over again. They are not trying to create foundations here; such people do not work according to the "normal" rules governing family behaviour. If they are indeed as controlling as you suggest they are such people do not change readily if at all. I imagine as well there was a falling out because neither of you were willing to bend to their will. If that is indeed the case then this is further good reason to ignore any communications.

Agree with Attila on this one, ditch the card. If they really wanted to build bridges they would have reached out to their son.

I also agree with Attila.

Also as an aside, PixieOnALeaf (love your name), imho, sometimes children are too young to know who to avoid. Unfortunately this does cross into the family tree.

NotInTheMood-you are the advocate for the emotional (as well as physical) well being of your dc. Trust your gut feelings, no apologies . Really sorry for you that you have this crap in your life. Good luck.

Merry Christmas,
Laughing Through the Holidays (no matter what!),
TMSB

How strange that the card was addressed to your DC and not to you and DH - something a bit wrong about that somehow.

I tend to agree with Attila about ditching the card. If it was addressed to you with some sort of apology/reconciliatory message then maybe you could take it that were trying to rebuild the relationship but this strange message to the kids is just weird.

Chuck it.

Trust your instincts on this.

I am sorry that they are still trying to manipulate family relationships like this. It's horrid.