ready for this or not?

[whitetulips]

My 17 year marriage broke up after my ex had a long affair with a foreign girl.
I have had a roller coaster year, but finally feel like I am getting somewhere.
However, at the works do, I snogged some random youngish lad, which was fine. The problem is that before that, I had a drunken grope with a married colleague. He initiated it, but I did not resist for a little while. We were both very drunk.
We have spoken about it, and it is fine, we know it will never be spoken of again, or repeated.
The problem I am having is how the first bit of male attention for years has made me feel. I feel out of control, and want it to happen again. After being the spouse on the other end of this, I know I can never revisit what happened with my colleague, and I am very inexperienced, my ex was my first boyfriend, and I married him.
How on earth do I handle this in a grown up manner, apart from not getting drunk again obviously. I don't want a relationship,but how does someone in their 40s learn how to handle male attention, when they have never had to before?

Great question.

You employ some common sense

I expect you have some of that, since you have got to be 40 years old and still in one piece ?

You are not a silly teenager...use your moral compass. It's not difficult, really.

that sounds really quite mean

sorry about that, I would have been a tad more sympathetic if you hadn't been canoodling wih a married man after you yourself were shit on from a great height

what I mean is, by the age of 40, you know right from wrong and the sum total of your experiences of life should show you the way

men, contrary to public opinion, are not a different species to be approached any differently than anybody else

Yes I am aware of what I should do, which is why I walked away from him, when it would have been easy to continue.
The problem is that emotionally I am an inexperienced teenager, in terms of dating, because I never have. I have many mates that are men, but I don't know how to read the sexual signals at all. I am not used to picking up any signals, and don't want to get hurt again.
On the other hand, I want to experiment a little to find out who the hell I am. Married men is not my thing at all, but I have no idea what is my thing!
I thought maybe there might be others who have been in a similar place to me with some advice.

I killed your thread

I am gone, everyone

you can come in and give wt the advice she needs, she has had her telling-off, now she needs the sympathy

come on, what are you waiting for ?

< as you were >

I don't think that feeling of excitement ever goes away. Or the excitement of being wanted.
On a subconcious/unconcious level it was probably thrilling to be the OW, to feel that 'power'. Just a thought.
Glad it's not your thing and you will avoid in future.
FWIW I am a bit of a social etiquette nightmare, am very direct. I think in life you attract what is right for you. I wouldn't live a happy life with a signaler, I need to be told. Am sure whoever gives you the right attantion will be clear to you.

Hi whitetulips

I am no expert and my life is in a mess. But it seems to me the basic rules are not hard to master.

1. Don't date people you work for or who work for you.
2. Only date single men
3. Don't get drunk on a date with a new man
4. Check the MN rulebook for Red Flags

Enjoy!

I hadn't thought about the OW power, although I could certainly feel the power of being wanted.
The wanted bit was a very heady feeling, but once I had walked away I was actually a bit tearful that I had allowed myself to be an OW even for a grope.
I also know that going into town bars at the weekend is not really the right way for a lasting relationship, but tbh that is not what I am looking for.
I just want to know how to handle myself and learn to flirt maybe?

What you're going through is normal after a break-up, so don't beat yourself up about it too much. In fact both myself and friends (in our 40's), after the end of a marriage have had our 'wild times'. You will get to even keel in a while. The being desired again is a very powerful and emokes all sorts of emotions, mostly 'wow..I am desirable and attractive to the opposite sex'..it's like an awakening. You will learn and also things will get calmer. At the moment whether you recognize it or not, you will be quite vulnerable to any attention. Married man was probably a mistake, but great that you've had the the conversation with him and you recognize in yourself that it goes against the grain, hence your feelings afterwards, but again we've all made mistakes. Relax and enjoy the single life, it's practice, the flirting will come

sorry didn't make myself very clear there..I didn't mean that the married man was practice, just that the more you take to men in general is parctice

Thank you, there are some very sensible people here tonight.
I certainly feel like I have been woken from a very long sleep, and thank you for pointing out that I'm vulnerable, I think that is where my turmoil is coming from.

To have any sort of powerful but positive feelings is a novelty for me at the moment.

I will be more careful about the amount of alcohol I drink, although I am known amongst my friends as a control freak about drinking, and last week was very unusual for me.
I do have a single friend who is more than happy to show me the ropes.

I have started a new hobby, so I am trying to expand my interests the conventional way too.

I guess I am still in shock that this guy, who I have a really good working relationship with, that seems to be still normal thank goodness, and then a 20 something guy would both fancy me on 1 night.
An awakening indeed!

:) Sounds good. Enjoy! Use condoms.

Just accept that you will make a number of mistakes, just like a teenager does. Some people will sneer at you for this ("You'd think a woman of her age would know better" etc) but it's a learning curve you'll have to go through. Try to go out with mates who are bold enough to tell you when someone is wrong for you, and listen to them.

Have fun.
Don't be afraid to be cruel to be kind.
Use a condom.
Don't take it out on innocent men.

Thanks, for some great advice.
I am going to have to learn about condoms too, have never used one something else for my lovely friends to teach me!