Please read and see hat you think...

[CRAZYCREW]

Okay I posted a while back... basically I madly in love with a man I would do anything for... he says he loves me but just we still are not going no where. I have a four children and a grandchild living with me but hopefully both my eldest two will be out of the house next year as one going to uni and the other hoping to get a house while training to be a nurse. I go through alot and the kids are demanding and the edlest in and out of hospital with bad diabetes.

We share our youngest child now 21 mths, he has a very naughty son 12 which is very bad but does not ground him etc and the things he has done trribe like scratch cars to the value of 3k, like bully at school, like spend on his dads credit card hich to me are terrible do you not agree.... my girls do not like him due tot his so it is hard for us to live togther.

I just ant him to love me and be there for me is that too much to ask. We never sleep at one anothers houses although we do spend alot of time togther.

I think he is depressed but not sure, he has breathing problems too and having tests and ct scans to see if serious, he has rhumatoid athritus too and on ten tablets a day and often uses this as an excuse.

Four years ago we started seeing one another before his illness and he was fun loving and full of energy and lovely. His wife died when his son was 3 and he sold his family family home a to move in with me so we made and extra bedroom etc but then decided he was not ready so he rented for 18 mths.. then he now has a council bungalow which he made laovley and very settled. He never metions the future at all really and is just me that does.... am i banging my head against abrick all or not? I know he is not the same person but i love him
for just being him if you know what I me. what should i do..... walk away or ork at it?

today though i have no hot ater and no het and he has come and got the baby but not suggested we sleep at his.. do you think he sshould of or not?

he texts me loads and ill rund the kids anyhere.
thanks in advance

quote:

basically I madly in love with a man I would do anything for... he says he loves me but just we still are not going no where. I have a four children and a grandchild living with me but hopefully both my eldest two will be out of the house next year

Tbh, it sounds like he likes his space and doesn't want to live with you.

Maybe he likes having family around on his terms but to be able to go home and shut the door when it suits him.

Depends on how that sits with what you want...

You asked what I thought, I think your children probably feel the same about you as you do about your man, oh please love me!

oh i am vry good witht th childn and do so much.. i think that sis what it is though I think h liks his own spac and b abl to shut th door i rally do.

Thanks anyway

Your heating and hot water broke and he took the baby and left you and your kids in a cold house!!!

I'd go mental, really I would. How nasty!!!

I would phone someone professional to come and fix the hot water myself Ginny!

WTF are you doing wasting your time with this clown?

NO-ONE is THAT good a fuck.

What example are you setting your DC?

Have some pride, this bloke is not into you, he doesn't care for you he is just using you for what you do for him. You are his MAID with benefits.

Mummiehunnie, of course I would do that too, but it just shows a complete lack of concern or consideration for the OP and her dc.

I would still tell him to sod off, he sounds like an arse.

Thanks he really does... My eldest two are 19 and 17 so quite self sufficent now. I have then a son 10 and a baby 22 mths, He is good with the baby and does running around etc. We dont eat togther unless we are out for a day and we dont sleep at one anothers houses. He says my girls may ot like im bringing his son up at christmas day so he is having it alone and when his son goes to in laws coming to mine and we are going there boxing day.

I am going to make a clean break as he shows me no committment at all does he? I agree and i have tried in the past and we always end up together agin. By the way the children do not know we are a couple for the simple reason i dont wnat to mess their heads unless we make it and he shows he wants me and my famly for what we are if you know what I mean.

Thanks for advise anyway. It what a toiught and although it is going to be painful and hard i have to say good bye to this man.
By the way we have sex about once a month but he is lots of pains in his joints but thats not normal either is it. He never goes out you know and sits day after day on his sofa and thats all he does.

CC, you are his carer, he is not committed to you, I think I recall previous posts by you and I told you to get out then.

You are in love with the person you thought you knew at the beginning, he is not that person, probably never was. Your kids don't know you are a couple, but you have a son together? I think they know. Unless you have managed to convince them of the gooseberry bush theory?

Jesus he sounds dreadfully dull to be with. Is that all you think you are worth, a quick tumble once a month if you are lucky and a day out once in a blue moon?

You need to end this, do some thinking about what a lovely kind, caring and generous person you are, and care for yourself for a while.

You are worth so much more, you are worth a person that wants to be with you, that loves you, that cares for you, makes you laugh, excites you.

You will never find anyone like that until you love yourself. It's not hard, because you are a great woman, mother and friend.

You can do this, you must do this.

Okay I promise i will take your advise and do something.... the children know of course we have a baby and they are not silly and well eduacated .. but they do not think we are a couple no more and guess we are not really. My eldest said to me the other day mum why dont you wnat to meet soembody nice and fun and guess they are correct. It so hard to move on but others have done so guess I can. I am starting a college short course and job 2 days a week after Christmas only as a teaching assistant for the moment but that will giveso me time rather than just home tec time if you know what I mean.

Thanks for replying... I am being a fool today going to Asda with him and his son and my two youngest and friends daughter ,looking after and out for a carvery after but he does not show me any commitment and everybody is right. He says my son will get me a gift for Christmas but said would prefer he get me something from him so will see what it is lol....

Thanks so much for you replying.

From what you type, it seems like he doesn't want you the way you want him. He is as far in the relationship as he wants to be. (which is not at all really!)

imo you have a choice, accept this is the way he wants things to be and go with it, or cut your losses and move on.

You can't make someone be with you if that's not what they want.

i know i cannot... thanks.

WE did Christmas shopping meaning supermarket shop yesterday and then went for lunch witht he children too and not even a touch of the hand.. not even a nice gesture or a smile and i told him this via text last night and he did not reply but said i live you darling and think he may love me but not be in love and want more ties... I am going to be strong and move on and be firm and not let him creep back to me as when i collect my son he tells me he misses me etc and he loves me.. I know he does not though or he would want to spend Christmas with us wouldn't he surely? We are going to his Boxing day to have a party but not sure he is even keen on that.

Well thanks anyway... Love me. xxx

Write a list of all the good things HE personally does for YOU.

Add to it the things he does for ALL your DC, not just the little one he has for you.

What does he do for his own DC?

Then write down the stuff you run yourself ragged doing for him and his family.

This relationship is not a relationship. It's you projecting what you would like it to be, and driving it along in that vein.

I get the impression that you are kidding yourself somewhat.

You deserve more fun in your life, you deserve someone to help you and to care for you as you care for them.

You sound more like a social worker that he gets to have sex with once a month or so.

He misses the stuff you do for him, but not enough for him to show you that you are treasured.

Please just commit to taking a break from him with a view to ending it. You are hooked on an imaginary relationship that is simply not there, nor ever will be. You are hanging on in there hoping he will wake up a decent bloke one day. That is not about to happen.

Whatever it takes for you to open your eyes and wean yourself off him, you need to commit to it.

this time next year can only be better if you make the break and hold out for better than you have now.