FFS I get the blame for everything

[RawDEal]

The bog wouldn't flush this morning, I suspected frozen pipes cos the tap wouldn't work either. I asked on here for advice, went to check the cistern for water and accidently dislodged something inside. It's not broken, it just needs putting back into place. To avoid causing it further damage I manually flushed it and left the mechanics for DP. Now guess who's got the blame for the entire thing not working. Even though it wouldn't have been working anyway because of the pipes, its still MY FAULT because I've "obviously" broken it further by opening the cistern. If he'd have done it, it would have been "unavoidable" but no, I get the full blame.

He walks mud in on the carpet. Just one of those things.
I walk mud in on the carpet and all hell breaks loose.

He put some gloves in the washing machine. I took them out when they'd washed. They've since disapeared. Thats obviously MY fault.

Everything is MY fault.

I'm getting a bit sick of it. Its like any excuse to have a go at me.

Join the club. Today DH misplaced some batteries, of course I must have moved them.

Gets so tiresome, doesn't it?

If you're not joking, it really is time to tell him how this makes you feel. Otherwise it will fester, and you'll end up leaving him and he'll never know why.

Stop it. Don't put up with this.

sit him down and tell him to stop.

Or leave.

This will fuck you up and you will end up a withered wreck of your former self.

This is emotional abuse

for what it is worth you need to UNSCREW the flush on the top of your toilet before opening the cistern. we found that out when dh opened the cistern. I was not very happy with him either, especially as we had to call the plumber out AGAIN (sometimes he is here so often that i think about giving him a key.)

The carpet mud walking stuff is not acceptable though. ( him having a go at you) who clears it up? I get cross at dh for doing things that I know I will have to clear up/repair/ organise people to fix. I also get bloody annoyed at myself when i do something daft, but he doesn't see me swearing to myself as he is out.

I think my dh would say that I say everything is his fault. I do have to apologise regulaarly for blaming him about losing the control when it was me who left it in a pile of washing etc

Does he apologise when he is wrong afterall?

( he equally blames me..,if I hadn't done this then he wouldn't have done....)

Isitmeor, why would I joke about it? not having a go, just a bit bemused!

Well it escaleted last night to him telling me that the bog was definately broken because of what I did and not because of the frozen pipes (although the reason I opened it at all was because it wasn't bloody working!!) and he said I would have to pay for it to be repaired, personally, from my own personal money. Even though it was broken to start with, it was MY fault for trying to fix it and breaking it further.

I told him where to go with that one but it happens all the time. I run over a nail in the car, its MY fault and I should pay for it yet if he does it, its an accident and should come out of the savings.

If I burn dinner, he makes a huge song and dance about it yet if HE burns dinner, these things happen and woe-betide anyone who dare complain!

You're in a tough spot aren't you? His blame culture is likely to have something to do with his own internal issues rather than something which is actually your fault. Could you tell him how it makes you feel when you get blamed and try to figure out why he does it? For what it's worth my ex did it all the time and couldn't be reasoned with!

Also, do you find you accept the blame when he doles it out (if not to him directly, then somewhere internally?) Perhaps the way forward is to try and strengthen how you feel and set some boundaries both internally and externally so that the next time he blames you for something it can roll off your back like it's no problem.

:( I don't know how you put up with that.

What's DH like the rest of the time?

OP, how long have you been together? Has he always had a blame culture mentality towards you, or is it a recent thing to do with maybe work stress etc.?

Don't let yourself be put into the role of his 'whipping boy' in your relationship. You will get stuck in it, if he decides to behave like that permanently. You will lose the equality of balance in your relationship.

Do not get into the habit of 'accepting' the blame (which you can end up doing if someone blames you for everything over and over again). Call a stop to it now, and tell him and change your thinking now about not automatically accepting the blame. At least - dismiss him blaming you constantly so he can see you won't take it on board.

I am married still to someone who blames me for everything in life, and he will not take the blame for anything ever and never has done; he is never accountable for anything, and I, through no fault of my own, enabled this to happen. But my experience is very extreme, and hopefully yours can be nipped in the bud now.

Good luck!

My H is like this.
I can't do anything right and he never does anything wrong.
if it's getting you down, you really need to address it with him.
Pick a time when he is calm, no problems and have a chat.
hopefully it won't turn into a bigger problem

domeafavour - hard isn't it when, like me, you probably will admit freely that you are wrong, and will want to see two sides of everything, but, they believe they are completely 'blame-free' and never admit to being in the wrong. (I am sure my scenario was a bit extreme, though). OP, I do hope you have a worthwhile talk with your DP and clear the air, and the two of you improve things - together.

deludedfool, this is the least of my H's issues, but it is really tough. I can see how it can wear you down. at least you have identified it, has anything improved?

We have a solution. He is divorcing me.

And yes, it was ALL MY FAULT.

I don't even feel ready to tell my story. It could be a soap opera, I suppose.

oh dear deluded, didn't expect that. Sounds like you are better off without him. and that could be a sense of humour about it? yeah?

Good luck, OP. I hope things improve for you and your DP and you have a nice christmas.

Well, I am not without him at present. But thanks, domeafavour. Have you got a thread?

oh yeah, go and read my story here
sorry for hijack op, but if you don't nip this in the bud now, it could end up like this!!

Hi OP, wasn't trying to be confusing, just can't tell tone on t'internet .

Seriously, this is not good. Have you tried to have a conversation with him about it when you're not so worked up? This is no way for him to treat you, and it must be really trying for you.