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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is this passive aggressive?

4 replies

LostInTheSnowAgain · 21/12/2010 13:12

I know this is small beer besides what others are going through but I wanted to check if DH's behaviour this morning was passive aggressive (having heard the phrase used a lot here)

Background is today I started icing the Christmas cake and left DS (6 months) with DH in the living room. DH obviously got bored so started hovering around behind me with DS and commenting on the progress. He made some 'recommendations' which were mildly annoying given that he has never iced or decorated a cake in his life but it wasn't till I was nearly finished that he really got my goat. He asked me if I was going to feed DS, I said yes, just had to finish the last decoration. In the space of a minute he did four variations of 'don't worry DS, mummy will come soon/ be with you soon/ finish soon' etc resulting in me giving up on the last decoration. I was about to go into the living room when the post arrived so decided to pick it up before going into the living room and got a ' oh mumy was nearly ready'. I said 'jeez' and sat down ready to feed, DH asked what the jeez was for and I said it was really hard to concentrate on getting things finished with him standing there telling DS I would be finished soon (DS wasn't crying or anything like that) and DH said he wasn't talking to me when he said that, he was talking to DS. I said DS didn't understand the words anyway and DH handed DS over and has stomped off upstairs where he is doing something noisy ( could be finishing flooring the loft) which will probably result in him being unavailable for the remainder of the afternoon but I can't criticise because he's doing something which needs doing. So, was he being passive aggressive or am I reading too much into this?

OP posts:
toddlerama · 21/12/2010 13:13

Well, yes. But now what? It's just a label and we ALL do it to varying degrees.

LostInTheSnowAgain · 21/12/2010 15:09

I know I've probably done it too but didn't know it had a name before I came on mn! Thought if I understood what was happening I'd be able to stop it or react differently next time

OP posts:
RawDEal · 21/12/2010 15:50

God that would have irritated the hell out of me tbh. I would've reacted with something as equally irritating and childish, which wouldn't have helped tbf but would have made me feel a bit better.

"I'm hoping daddy will let mummy get something finished at some point today DS!" said in a nice chirpy, happy voice. But as I said, not very helpful.

LostInTheSnowAgain · 21/12/2010 17:13

Rawdeal - I'm not too mad about it as he has gone off in a (passive aggressive) huff to nobly tidy up upstairs. If we hadn't had the argument he'd just have sat in front of the telly, so it's a bit of a result!

OP posts:
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