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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

please help me make sence of my life

28 replies

Fryib · 21/12/2010 10:24

Ive been with my oh for about 4.5 years, and we have two wonderful children.
But things just arnt right.

He has become increasing moody, and is worse than ever at the mo. He hates christmas.

Hes a lot older than me, which i never thought was a problem, but im beginning to rethink this.

its so hard to sum everytghing up, but some examples are.

He does very little with the children, i have done all the night feeds for both apart from about 5 he did with our DD (she was breast and bottle fed from 1 month)

He even slept in a different room when she was in our room so he could get a full nights sleep. but i also do all the daytime care too.

i make everyones lunch, even his, and he sort of orders what he wants.
he will also say things like " whats that, ur making a cup of tea" when im sat watching tv, and expect me to jump up and make him one. if i dont he actually gets moody about it.
i never ask things like this of him, and if he makes me one he grumbles, but half joking half serious, so if i complain he says "god, i was only joking, cant u take a joke"

If fact, he used that line a lot. ie
Get up fat arse
more sweets, ur such a pig (im size 10, 5ft 6)
cor look at the tits on her (pointing at tv)
and when i complain he will use "just a joke" as excuse. he will also say," but i tell you your beautiful and have a lovely bum all the time, so how can you think im serious when i call u fat arse"

We had many conversations about how him talking about other women on tv makes me feel crap, and ive been in tears explaining this. it is less than it used to be, but he still does it.

I do all the cooking cleaning, bathing and putting kids to bed. although reebtly he has started to do the wshing up in the evening. Although this was kind of ruined when he remarked one night "im only doing it becuase you dont do it properly"

He does work, but had a long period of unemployment ove the summer.

He spent this time playing golf, every day, for 4 hours a day at least, sunbathing, and going on the computter.

At work now, they are doinga lot of retraining, and working from home. So now he gets to lie in almost everyday. then spends the rest of the time moaning about how bored he is, and sitting on the sofa with the laptop, doing nothing. or watching what he want on the tv, i dont really get a say.

every week end he plays golf, sat and sun morning, leaving the house at 7.30am and getting back at about 1-1.30pm. i then make his lunch and he sits on the sofa till i make his dinner. which he has now decided he wil eat in the front room watching telly, while we eat in the dinner room by ourselves.

the reason for this is becasue our DD 17months, will sometimes not want to eat at dinner time,and will play up, cry, or want to sit with me. So i end up dealing with this alone, as he cant see the point in both of us being there.

i was invited out with some friends for pizza a while ago, his comment " what u want to do that for, thiugh u were on a diet" im never on a diet, but it ws soon ish after having DD (6months maybe)

i went to drinks out with friends from toddler group, asked him if he was ok bathing and putting kids to bed, as we were meeting at 5.30pm, and getting back about 8.30pm he said " i dont know, its monday now, ur going out sat, so i dont know what im doing" Made a huge deal about what time id be back, where i was going, who with etc. I had to leave the house, in tears, I felt awful, like i had to ask permission to go out. he had his other daughters there with him when i went out (aged 12+14)

when i got back they asked how my evening went etc, he just sat in silence.
I then found out he got his 14 year to cook everything, and the 12 year old to bath kids, and both of them to wash up!!

he swears a lot, even in front of and at the kids, calling our son things like, twat, muppet, idiot etc.

And when arguing he will happy swear and shout at me, calling a me stupid, deluded, etc.

he constantly tells me he wear the trousers, and the other night told me, i wont be changing. which is wht suddenly gave me a wake up call. loife is very short, and i dont know if i can live like this forever.

obviosly i have given u all the bad examples of his behavour, and he can be lovely too. kind and caring. lots of fun, especially when we are out with other people.

please help me, i used to be so much more condident, and fun, but i feel different now. i doubt myself, and get really confused, i cant seem to think straight.

sorry its long and rambling. i could write pages but will stop now.
thanks

OP posts:
Fryib · 21/12/2010 11:07

no-one?

OP posts:
dawnrising · 21/12/2010 11:10

Reading the described snapshot of your life, and to be honest with you - you sound controlled and manipulated; worn down so you don't even know who you are any more.
Is your chap stealing your energy and power, and filling himself with it?

Time for inner strength and a great place to start is to perhaps considered some counselling, just to understand yourself better. From a point of understanding and clarity you will be able to make some choices for yourself.

If you feel like this now, it will get worse unless YOU address the issue. You cannot change anyone else's behaviour, but by changing yours it will have an effect.

Take care, and find support in good friends and family to help you through this.

piranhamorgana · 21/12/2010 11:16

Sad for you Fyrib.
I agree with dawnrising.He sounds abusive and controlling.
you say:

i used to be so much more confident, and fun, but i feel different now. i doubt myself, and get really confused, i cant seem to think straight.

You need to find yourself again - you and your dc deserve this.It does not sound very likely that your dh will encourage,or even allow that to happen.

You deserve so much more.

piranhamorgana · 21/12/2010 11:19

this book is worth reading.

Anniegetyourgun · 21/12/2010 11:19

Mm, lots of fun when there's an audience, horrible behind closed doors... there's a lot of that about.

What are your options? Do you have any income of your own?

Another case for Lundy Bancroft methinks!

Anniegetyourgun · 21/12/2010 11:20

oops, PM got there first.

He's in there, seriously.

Fryib · 21/12/2010 11:21

i think about leaving, but knowing the man he is, and things that he has said in past, i dont see that i could make him leave the family home, and i have no-where to go.

And he has also said in the past, that i would never get custudy (sp)of our children.

I feel trapped, and also that we havnt hd a proper sit down about all this, so we can give our relationship a chance.

sometimes i wish he would cheet on me so i would have a reason to make him leave.

thats awful isnt it?

OP posts:
Fryib · 21/12/2010 11:22

im sahm so no income of my own, although i do all the finaces etc

OP posts:
piranhamorgana · 21/12/2010 11:29

Right,first thing after Christmas contact Womens Aid.Please don't think your case is "not bad enough".The things he is saying to you are abusive.

You feel trapped.They will be able to advise you regarding your options - even if you do not wish to leave,and want to work on your marriage.They will be able to link you up with financial advice and,if necessary,legal advice.

And,more importantly,you will have people who will support you and validate your reality.

Citizens Advice would also be a good start,if you can't face Womens' Aid.

Though if you do read the Lundy Bancroft book,you might decide that it is Womens' Aid you need.

Anniegetyourgun · 21/12/2010 11:32

It's called residence these days, and as the children's primary carer, you would. He is simply bullying you. He is also being horrible to them so if they are old enough to get a say they wouldn't choose to live with him.

May I suggest you start looking into what your rights will be if you do split? Citizens Advice is a good starting point. If nothing else, he will be obliged to contribute to his kids' keep. OH clearly believes he has you where he wants you, that you'd never dare leave no matter how badly he treats you all. He might be mistaken...

Anniegetyourgun · 21/12/2010 11:33

PM, I'm not stalking you, honest!

englandsmistress · 21/12/2010 11:38

Oh goodness. Your post has made me cry. I know that sounds a bit dramatic but I think you need to hear that someone who doesnt even know you has beeen driven to tears by how crap your life with your partner is...

Read that book definietly.

And you absolutely CAN cope without him. You said yourself i used to be so much more confident, and fun, but i feel different now. i doubt myself, and get really confused, i cant seem to think straigh So what would be so bad about being confident and fun again?

Please don't set this sad example to your children of how relationships work.

good luck. And keep us updated, I would love to hear your happy escape story in a few months time.

thenightsky · 21/12/2010 11:38

I don't know how you get through each day with a man like that in it, truely. Sad

Please don't carry on as you have been doing. There will be nothing left of you at this rate.

I have no specific advice as I have never lived with such abuse. The things I read on here shock me to the core some days.

I feel so, so sad for you and your children OP Sad

dogfish · 21/12/2010 11:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Fryib · 21/12/2010 11:47

can i ask a stupid question?
and im asking this because i grew up just me and my mum, what is a normal relationship between two adults like?
im really shocked that people are saying go to womens aid, is my relationship really bad?

OP posts:
PatriciaHolm · 21/12/2010 11:49

You're getting nothing from this relationship but pain. Do you really want your DCs growing up thinking this is how relationships are?

He's bullying you - he won't get residence, you are the primary carer and always have been, the children will stay with you. Talk to Women's Aid, please, they can help.

proudnscaryvirginmary · 21/12/2010 11:49

Hi Fryib - I've read many, many sad posts on this board over the last couple of years but yours has really got to me.

This guy is monstrous. I am so angry on your behalf. I hate the way he insults, belittles and undermines your confidence but makes sure he throws you a few 'you're gorgeous, I love your bum' so that he can call on those little titbits when he needs to.

I hate the way he has made you his slave, made you believe you are worthless, made you believe you can't leave or you will lose everything including your children.

Please confide in someone you trust in real life. You need to start making plans to leave him and to live your life free of all this shit.

You deserve more my darling.

Keep posting, so many other women (sadly) on here will know what you are going through and will help you.

Fryib · 21/12/2010 11:50

got to get kiddies some lunch now, be back a little later.

thankyou for your replies

OP posts:
PatriciaHolm · 21/12/2010 11:52

Yes, the relationship is terrible. Is this what you want for your kids?

Normal adults in a relationship don't insult each other, they don't lech over others to the point of insulting their partners, they talk about things that upset them. Decent fathers don't insult their children, and pull their weight in dealing with them. Your husband is a waste of space.

piranhamorgana · 21/12/2010 11:54

Your question is not stupid.The fact that you need to ask it is probably what has kept you in your relationship for so long.

Yes,the way your h is behaving towards you and your dc is really bad.

I also found myself in an abusive relationship with an older man.Posting on MN - and reading LB's book was what "woke me up".I broke away,with much support and many posts on MN.(you can search me under Pinemartina ,if you want)

I am only now beginning to try to learn about what a normal - ie non-abusive - relationship between two adults is like. One day,I'd love to experience on in real life.

thenightsky · 21/12/2010 11:59

Fryib... you ask what a normal relationship is.

Well I've been married 25 years and my DH has never sworn at me in all that time. He has never told me to 'get off my fat arse' either. He has never openly leached at 'tits' on the telly in front of me. He cooks the dinner whenever he can, even after a full day at work. If I get the hoover out, he will often say.... 'oh leave that lovey, I can do it later'. Whenever I start something, be it washing up, cooking, ironing, cleaning, etc, his words are always, without fail... 'Do you want a hand with that?'

And, you know what...? I treat him exactly the same way in return.

englandsmistress · 21/12/2010 12:01

Fryib: Here is what my relationship looks like, I'm not trying to make you feel bad but you have asked the question and i think it's important for you to know. (please note: I do not consider myself 'lucky'- my relationship is no more than I or any other women deserves)

Tonight I will finish work after 8 hours at 5pm and be home by 5.30. My partner, having done a 9 hour day, will fetch his daughter and then fetch my daughter (going 45 minutes out of his way to do so in order for me to not have to go out in the cold)
I will cook dinner and he will help the girls with their home work.
After dinner he will wash up and I will get the girls ready for bed. He'll then do anything else that needs doing around the house in order for me to be able to come striaght downstairs to watch Eastenders which he will have put on for me and paused right at the start.
There will be a glass of wine or a cup of tea waiting for me next to the sofa. We'll watch TV together for about an hour before one of us will run a bath for the other (we pretty much take it in turns) one will bath while the other sits on the loo (seat down!) and we chat about everything and nothing. We then toddle off to bed where we have a snuggle and either read our books or chat about stuff.

On Thursday I have my Christmas party and so will go out straight from work so he'll do all the childcare that night, on Friday morning he'll make me a coffee for my hangover and get the girls ready for the childminder.

I don't think that's too much to expect of a loving relationship?

englandsmistress · 21/12/2010 12:03

Oh and that fact he is 'fun' in front of others makes him more of a twat in my opinion and is a very common thing amoungst abusers.

fantus · 21/12/2010 12:05

Hello Fryib, your post made me feel so sorry for you and so angry at your DH.

I'm sorry to agree with all the others but yes your relationship really is that bad.

I have been with my DH for 12 years now. While we may bicker and argue he has never in all this time called me a single negative name and vice versa. He respects me, supports me, makes me feel valued and loved. When I was diagnosed with PND he took a week off work to "give me a boost". He cooked, cleaned, shopped, did night feeds and he will do all this anyway even when he is working because being in a relationship is about being in a partnership and supporting one another.

Your DH should be your soft place to fall, the one person who you know will always be there for you. I'm so sorry that this is not the case for you Sad

Lydwatt · 21/12/2010 12:08

you sound so very unhappy. I don't know you but I do know you deserve better than this!!

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