Ex giving me a hard time - part 2

[WADA]

Another weekend filled with tension. My Ex and I split about a month and a half ago. Things were bearable for the first three weeks or so but for the last couple he's began acting like an absolute pig. Last week I had to endure the whole 'I'm so glad we split, I feel so calm, it's the best thing to happen and I feel I wasted years with you'. I can tell he's been getting angrier over the last couple of weeks but this weekend he got angry with me called me a stupid tart, told me he didn't care if the kids heard us argue, told me he has so much anger towards me and that he hates me. At one point he also called me mental which I must admit was hilarious! All this from the man who wanted to break up! It was scary and I felt helpless to stop him - not a situation I want to find myself in. I shouldn't have to put up with this abuse should I?

The dilemma at the moment is that although things are getting increasingly tense there isn't an awful lot of practical things to sort out. If I tell him I want him to move out the shit will hit the fan and there will be all out war and I'll have the responsibility of selling the house, finding a job, looking for somewhere to rent blah blah blah. I doubt he would agree to move out and he would make my life even more hell then it is now. He's the sort of bloke who needs to come to the decision that he needs to leave himself but that doesn't really empower me much does it?!

Any thoughts?

Don't really know what to say - awful situation. Were you actually married or-hab'?

I'd not be put in a situation where you have to listen to his crap - easier said than done.

Sorry - not a very helpful post.

oops 'Co-habiting'

We were and still are cohabiting. I think I can get myself in a position where I can work part time from April (when I can sort out childcare in the pre-school my DS currently attends) and claim working tax credit. It certainly sounds better than living under the same roof at weekends for the next year which is the current plan. Don't think I can do it any earlier without moving DS to a new pre-school which I'm really not keen on (especially if I have to move him from his home too).

If I apply my logical head (rather than the emotional one I prefer!) I need to set out a plan and present it to ExP like a business plan and try and sell him some positives. The difficulty is that I'm scared it will set him off. What seems to happen is that he goes for the minor wind ups (which are pretty easy to ignore). However in ignoring them he ups the ante to medium wind ups which require a little more effort to ignore. Unfortunately ignoring them winds him up further and so he goes for a major zinger at which point I generally snap. Quite frankly if I ignored a major zinger I would worry what his next step would be.

Overall despite how 'happy' he professes to be about the split, he doesn't seem to be coping with it very well. Whether that's because I'm coping so well and it's taken some of his power base away I don't know. All I want is to keep the kids at the forefront of our minds and deal with this split in the most graceful way possible (which you would think possible given that apparently we both want the same thing!)

Dreading telling the kids after Xmas. Can't decide whether to wait until New Year after decorations come down. They're only 3 and 5 but I wouldn't want them to associate Xmas with the split - is that daft or reasonable?

Bump