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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

dh having erection problems, frustrated!

14 replies

yummytummy · 20/12/2010 19:19

well this is really embarassing but in the last month or so whenever we have tried to do the deed, just nothing. he cant get aroused enough iykwim mo matter what i do, have tried blow jobs, lube etc but nothing seems to be working. i think now though the pressure is getting to him and making it worse.

also he says he feels pressure as i have always been the one with a much higher libido and since being pg its gotten even higher. he says it stresses him all the time that i always want it. i mean shouldnt he feel flattered?

anyway even before this he is never really that keen and i always have to initiate it which is another issue.

the problem is he is getting stressed but i am just incredibly frustrated and just want it! have tried to show him understanding and that i will wait for him to ask me when he feels up for it but it hasnt happened yet and am just going a bit mad.

please has anyone had this issue who can advise? am desperate.

oh also i suggested toys eg cock rings etc but he refused outright. doesnt like the idea apparantly.

OP posts:

IAmReallyFabNow · 20/12/2010 19:25

Men ARE NOT always up for sex and DO NOT always want it.

There are other things he can do to satisfy you if you want an orgasm but pressuring him to perform is not going to get you anywhere.

Original poster

yummytummy · 20/12/2010 19:29

ok, so how do i deal with it then?

OP posts:

Littlefish · 20/12/2010 19:30

"he says it stresses him all the time that i always want it. i mean shouldnt he feel flattered?"

I suggest you read some of the threads on here about men who pester their wives for sex and see what the response has been.

Putting him under pressure is not going to make him want sex.

Would he agree to go and see a GP about it?

gobbledegoop · 20/12/2010 19:32

that wasn't very helpful was it lol
i don't really have anything constructive to say either, must be awful for you tho.

findingthepath · 20/12/2010 19:41

Some men feel funny about having sex with a pg woman they think they may hurt the baby. Have you had sex in other pgs?

I would do it myself if i needed to if you know what i mean then hug and show love and kindness to him. A nice meal, bubble bath a massage and a good nights sleep, no pressure. Make him feel loved.

A relationship is not about sex its only one part of it. Try to get the fuzzy feelings back and the sex will happen in its own time.

IAmReallyFabNow · 20/12/2010 19:58

You deal with it by apologising to your husband for pressuring him and say you want to talk about your physical relationship and how you can both have one that you are happy with.

emmyloulou · 20/12/2010 20:05

If you were a male you would be called "entitled" and all sorts fabnow is right.

You sound selfish, immature and entitled.

"the problem is he is getting stressed but i am just incredibly frustrated and just want it!"

He does need to go to the dr for definate to rule anything out, but most men do go through this at sometime.

You whinging, moaning, talking about sex every 5 mins, how to spice it up and pestering him or sulking will kill his sex drive even more than it already has been.

He probably feels very self conscious and you are probably making it 10x worse, nothing kills a sex drive faster than someone perstering you when you are stressed enough.

Original poster

yummytummy · 20/12/2010 20:19

ok i think thats a bit mean. i am looking for advice and if my post sounds selfish etc then thats just how i have been feeling.

rather than criticising it would be more helpful to help me understand and tell me the best way to deal with it.

OP posts:

emmyloulou · 20/12/2010 20:23

You have been told the best way, get him to see a gp, stop whinging at him and seeing sex as something you can demand from him when you feel like it and he should be ready to go and perform.

Oh and apologise to him. Your actions will be compounding the issue and making it 10x worse, you do need to see that and stop.

Taghain · 20/12/2010 20:23

Give him lots of cuddles, reassure him that you're not that desperate. Sort yourself out when he's not around, perhaps?

If he thinks it's a medical thing, then the drugs do work.

IAmReallyFabNow · 20/12/2010 20:25

emmyloulou - What?

IAmReallyFabNow · 20/12/2010 20:26

Sorry, emmyloulou. I have been poorly today and still not right, I have reread your post and realise you didn't mean I was being entitled.

emmyloulou · 20/12/2010 20:28

Fabnow, you are right, putting this kind of pressure on him will have the opposite desired affect, if it's psychological or medical.

Lots of men go through this, putting pressure on him will have just the same affect as aman pestering his wife.

hairyfairylights · 20/12/2010 20:44

Have you tried masturbating?

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