I met the other women

[Yogabuff]

Right so I met the other women and got the whole story. I nearlly had a heart attack while I was waiting for her. it was her idea...

They've been meeting up for about two months and started sleeping with each other 3 weeks ago. She's only 22! Not very attractive and overweight (secretly happy about that) she feels really bad about everything so wanted to tell the truth. She new he was married with a baby so I wish she felt bad sooner. He was just after sex, I think she felt used. I wouldn't mind but we had sex at least once or twice a week, not loads I know but not bad for someone with a new baby. I think he felt neglected and lonely (are all men like this?). He never said a thing to me but when I was throwing out all his things I found a read his diary. He sounds really depressed, I had no idea. It's like he hate himself and has hit the self destruct button?

He's still in his mates house, he's been grovelling ever since, looking after DD whenever I want, buying and cooking me food, bottles of wine, cleaning the house AND SAYING SORRY. He's even booked an appointment to see a counsellor. He seems sorry and regretful and does want us back but I'm just not sure. I'm not sure if relationships can ever be put right after this??

little Miss hohoh

I hear you but I have noboday to help with DD. I have mates that can help the odd time but not while I'm working.

All the early childhood places are closed for Christmas so I'll need him to help me until the new year at least. I wish I could see 5 years into the future...

Hi OP

I followed your last thread although I didn't post. I'm so sorry that things have turned out this way- you must be so exausted from it all.

Another poster mentioned that is was a bit suspect of him to leave a diary around and this was what really struck me about your post. Correct me if I'm wrong but you've mentioned before he's from S America and you've had language related communication problems? Do you speak his native language?

I'm probably jumping the gun a bit but a personal diary will always always be written in a person's mother tongue- if it wasn't and was written in the language you use with each other, then it was definately there for you to see. IYKWIM

You girls are suspicious....

Hi his diary wasn?t left around, I never knew he had one until the other day, it was hidden beneath some old t:shirts. I found it when I was throwing everything out into the garden. It?s written in Spanish (his native tongue) I speak and read Spanish. We?ve always communicated in Spanish.

YogaBuff - you will probably now get quite a few people who only read your OP posting to say it sounds workable and like he realises what he has done etc. However, I can pretty much guarantee you that if they'd read your other threads they would not be saying the same thing.

NZ is a beautiful country, it's summer, spend time at the beach - enjoy your year there. Do not take him back - you know he isn't worth the shit on your shoe.

Make friends, have fun, decide months from now where you are going next.... the world is yours x

It can be mended - but really until you are feeling a lot better there is no need to make the decision anyway.

If he really wants it to work he will continue to do all the things he is doing willingly.

You are right when you say the marriage is broken - only a new one can be built and that will take time.

Dont feel you have to give him any answers for a long while - you take control now and make sure you get what you want and need now.

Dear Yoga

I can only give you the benefit of my experience.

DP had an affair on going for over a year. Couldn't decide what he wanted, I wasn't strong enough to tell him to go. We finally decided earlier this year that we should make a go of things. Since the summer I know she is finally off the scene.

It has been a long and hard 2 years. I hate him for what he did to me and our son. There are days I wish I had the courage to tell him to go right at the begining. There are days that I am glad we are still trying to piece our lives back together.

To be honest I will never forget. The hurt he caused me, the one he was meant to love and cherrish will never leave me.

Move on you deserve a happy and full life.

Some background first... I found out before Christmas that H was having an affair, we have a 6 month old DD and have only been married 2 years. I have PND and have been really sick since DD was born. Much better now thankfully. Anyway I knew there was something going on, H was a complete prick for 2 months prior to the proof being found. He was angry all the time, moody, never home etc. He spent a lot of time with his mates and then with the OW. They had a sexual relationship for 3 weeks but had been flirting for almost two month. He kept lying after I found out but has since started to open up more about what exactly happened and why.

Apparently it happened because he was angry with my, I changed, our relationship changed. He had to do more house work, childcare and had less money and time to himself. He was hanging around with ?mates? who are young free and single and he thought he wanted that life back. He thought I was trying to change him and felt like he was living in my shadow? Selfish and Childish really!!

I saw the OW on the street yesterday when I met H after work, I reckon she was hanging around waiting to see him. I got so angry but couldn?t speak I just took DD and ran away H followed and said nothing. Their relationship is over but I think there are things left unsaid between them? It ended because it came out. He says it was just sex and wants nothing to do with her but I think it meant more to her.

I have let him back into the house but with conditions.
We are going to separate our money so I have a plan B if he fu*cks up again
He must answer all my questions honestly no matter how hard it might be.
He must tell me what time he?ll come back from work and account for his time without getting angry or defensive when I ask.
I have access to his Emil /Phone bill / facebook etc
There is to be no contact with the OW and if he wants to see him mates he can invite them to the house (I?ll give them privacy) or we go see them together. I explained this won?t be forever just for now.
Oh and he needs to clean the bathroom every week (I thought I?d get this one in while I could ha ha)

Anymore I should add????

So I?ve taken control back and he?s playing the game BUT I feel empty, I get so angry sometimes I just want to harm him. I?m so hurt by it all. On the one hand I want to give our marriage another chance (it was perfect until DD was born). Recently we?ve had some nice family days, good talks and some great sex but I?m so confused. Part of me thinks I am just not ready to break up yet but that it?s inevitable. I find him hard to talk to (we speak his language) and sometimes I just don?t like him very much. He is a beautiful sexy man and a great dad but he?s not my friend anymore.

So sorry I?m waffling....