Sex related question- Is this normal for anyone else?

[BlackWhitePlaid]

So.. I am hoping MNHQ won't delete this question for being too explicit. Will try as clinical and dignified language as possible!

Does anyone have to perform oral stimulation on their DP each and every time they want to have sex with them? ie to get the flag flying well enough if you know what I mean.

From my past experiences with other people, this isn't usual- or maybe it is for some people?

I want to get some perspective on my situation. I have no reason to believe that in H's case this is because of any physical issue, and suspect it may be symptomatic of our sexual laziness ie not making enough effort to focus on arousal or on other foreplay/ deeper issues in the relationship.

no i dont, its pretty easy to get it flying, but im sure he would be happy if i did this everytime though.

As a man i can assure you you this is absolutely vital! If it doesn't happen it will eventually fall off :o

Not really, but it's a wonderful way to start things off. Just make sure he reciprocates.

I wouldn't expect my wife to do it and not return the favour.

No, not 'normal' afaik - if there is such thing as normal anyway.

The, um, flag flying is definitely not an issue with my DH (early 40s)

I'm sure dp would love it, but it's not necessary to get the 'flag flying'. He certainly doesn't expect it.

No, not the norm in my experience either.
Alcoholics famously have trouble getting it up, so.. um, does he drink a lot?

nope, not a heavy drinker, and no trouble as such getting it up except for just one occasion many years ago.

i made the mistake a few times of not being too keen when the favour was to be returned (feel very self conscious about it when i haven't had a bath just before bed- this was me being stupid clearly) and it has been ages since the offer has been made (of returning the favour).

for that matter it has been ages since we had sex now anyway.

i am coming to the conclusion that this particular issue is a combination of relationship issues and laziness. and it's probably getting taken for granted that i will get on with it and get the job done. i'm sure i haven't done anything to fix this notion.
blimey. there seems to be a huge number of issues here!!

very young blokes have no d-control; middle aged guys have better aim and I am guessing that old ones need some help?

You shouldn't "have to do" anything.....but it a balanced relationship both parties tend to want to please within boundaries and with mutual respect and tenderness?

I'm totally comfortable with giving- but to do it as a matter of course to get the job done has made it a very clinical thing.

i haven't been forced- but it has been requested, and has started to be taken for granted over the years in that particular sequence i.e. like putting on a condom,rather as an essential first step. that's what's bugging me i guess.

Does he watch a lot of porn?

Can't you just get into a 69 position when you're doing it to him? That will give him the message that you are up for it!

Personally I wouldn't be putting up with that, as it is something in my mind reserved for a treat (one that I don't really enjoy doing but he does like even more as a treat I think).

Can you speak to him about it?

I wonder if he is just counting himself very lucky and doesn't see the need to rock the boat (as it were).

For us oral on her and hands on him is normally how we get things started, because we both like those things. Sex, going straight to coitus, would be boring unless we were completely desperate.

If you want to, then sure, make sure he reciprocates.