Know's it's been done b4 but this is getting me down now. (mans point of view neded as well!)

[munz]

have found my DH the past week looking at ahem sites which bother me - normal porn sites don't but these are ahem wispers bondage runs off furiously blushing - I wouldn't mind but he's always too tired for me - and he can't understand why i'm so down about it. am I just being touchy? as I say 'normal' porn I have no issues with but this stuff is a bit much I think - or am I a prude? is this normal PG hormones?

to top it all off we're not really talking too much, (have been thinking about things on the way in to work in the car) he comes home (I have to clean the house other wisae I get an ear full he's worked all day etc.. - boo bloody hoo I'm also working f/t and am 17 weeks PG! then I put the dinner on we sit down and eat it (he tells me about his day I tell him mine etc we have a bit of a giggle) have dinner I take the plates out to the kitchen and say can u load the dishwasher - after all if i've tidyed and cooked why should I also load the dishwasher cos he comes in and dumps his stuff where ever it may land. anyhow this happened last night - again! yes dear after simpsons - he fell asleep in the chair half way thru.

Now I know he's done a week of working every other day 24 hours a shift and is still tired form that but really - we don't talk about anything after tea normally he goes on the comp and looks at god knows what, (normally porn I think) I wacth my soaps etc then we go to bed at 10pm, normally talk in bed for about half hour ish then go to sleep.

I just feel he's puttin in no effort - am I asking too much? was ur DH's like this when u were PG? on the whole he's a fab husband and i'm sure he'd never cheat or anything - althou I have wondered, but 99% sure he wouldn't (after all the one time I did try to leave him he took 2 weeks off work to sort out the problems and things were a lot better) we've been together 6 years, married 2.5, is it the 7 year thingy?

any man's points of view on the porn would be appriciated. (sorry it's so long)

erm yes she did do everything, he's the no 1 son iycwim, his DB is 2nd for everyhting (personally I think thats wrong but hey), althou they're like too pees in a pod both v v stubborn. he was pretty mcuh given a free ride at home, but he didn't have an easy time once both parents were drinking - then things got nasty. he's naturally v protective over his mum as her and RD split when he was 5, SD came on the sceen at the same age - one of his early memorys is dad saying he was going on 'holiday' and never coming back.

I think if he knew how I was feeling really deep down he'd go to relate/visit the padre with me, mainly as we've both agreed it's for keeps as it were. might have to go over a few points hte WO said to us last time - seemed to knock things home to him that I was serious about leaving etc and the only way for it to work was if DH made me happy and not me making him happy iycwim - his theory was if i'm happy i'll go out of my way to make him happy??

I do worry the porn started off 'normal' now it's a step further - how much further will it go b4 it's not enough - or am I being melodramatic?

Hun, the porn isnt the issue.... you need to STOP with the cleaning, stop with the cooking and basically see what he does.

If I was in your situation, and I have been on occasions, I would leave it all - and when they have the cheek to ask why its not been done.... give them what for!

Seriously though hun, you need to take it easy - there is NO WAY on earth you can be doing 2 hours cleaning a night - that is just silly..... daily chores in this house are load dishwasher, washing machine and tumble dryer.... the rest can wait!

You are working FULL TIME, you are PREGNANT, and after all the problems you had trying to get pg in the first place, you should be coming home from work and putting your feet up. Ok, so your DH does 24hr shifts - but come on hun, be honest - he isnt actually AWAKE for the whole 24 hours, and therefore cant use that as too much of an excuse.

If he falls asleep on the sofa - wake him up! You have as much right to be laying on that sofa as he does, and more so because you are carrying his baby..... i tell you hun, if i could get my hands on your DH right now!!!

Munz, think it just sounds like your Dh has got lazy and feels like he doesn't need to make the effort, you've been together a long time and he is just very comfortable (and your making him that way!).
Take it from me, you will have no time to clean for 2 hours a day once your baby is here! So, best stop now! Break your cleaning obsession and you will have 2 hours to play with...
I would definitely speak to your Dh about porn, how it makes you feel and about how things will change once the baby's here.
Hope you get it sorted, you sound like you have a lovely Dh (who just needs a bit of tweaking!)and you have such a lot to look forward to...stop being superwoman!

girls - don't u'll set me off crying again. I knwo cleaning wise, I have to do the dishwasher,a nd hoover (we have a GSD so don't have much choice as he's malting at the mo - constantly actually).

LL - I think mainly it is PG hormones yes, but as u say me doing this whole fussing and nestin over/around him lark isn't going to be helping the issue.

def gonna talk about the porn as this is my main problem - I didn't think about everyhting else till that came along, and as a result i'm resenting him for having his 2/3 hours or what ever on the comp (even thou i'm on here all day at work!)

jm - I did manage to get on the sofa last night - lied down on top of him till he moved! lol - then I got the good spot and pushed him off!

on the hole he is a v good and loving H, I think it's just we're ina rut stage and as I say the porn's bringin it to a head.

at least we still make each other laugh

My DH is scared stiff of me at the moment...he says on the way home he wonders if he will get "Good wife" or "Bad Wife"!!!! LOL!
Just love these hormones!

lol - that's how my DH felt when I was baout 8 weeks PG - now he know's i'll be hormonal etc - actually that might be why he stays upstairs?

well to update - we had a chat last ngiht about things,

re cleaning: - couldn't moan too mcuh as he'd tidyed the put the dishwasher on, cleaned the kitchen and tidyed up after the dogs - fair enough didn't hoover but next door had the hoover. so didn't say much - thanked him for doing it, but did say it would be nice if he did help out more - to which came well if u left it for me to do - (when I do it gets left until I do it hte next day)

re: the porn - he says porn's the quickest thing to download and he's testing out download softwear?? if i'm so bothered delete it - so I will be doing that! he recons he looks then delets anyways. and the bondage sites - he recons is cos a pop up blocker he took off the comp has caused them to come thru - I'm not that dumb - but he did laugh and go coy when I said about me using a whip on him lol - he got all embaressed so I don't think it's somehting he wants to par take in.

ref the cuddles etc: he thinks i'm like a a roll of cling film (he was joking when he said that) and also said we should do a life sized pic of him, cut it out with two slots for arms so I have a constant DH to cuddle (again was joking)

he thinks I want it all ways but says he'll be glad once baby's born and i'm back to 'normal' lol. and not hormonal.

on the plus thou he did buy me dinner from the chippy he said he'd put in more efort but things he's putting in enough, but we spent the evening having nice cuddles and being all soppy

Hi Munz,

Am glad you had a chat re things. I am still very concerned re the internet porn.

Testing out download software is he?. Yeah right. He's also exposing that computer to all sorts of viruses, trojans and other nasties that will affect the computer to its detriment. Many porn sites themselves carry such nasties. Wondered if he has considered that?. I don't think that he is taking the porn issue at all seriously and treats it as a joke. I take it as read he feels he does not have any sort of problem with it.

Do not forget - he made a conscious choice to look at this stuff. He went looking for such sites. Not surprised he does not want to partake - many such men do not but he runs the risk that if this continues he will have a real problem with regards to becoming dependent on it. Your body makes its own chemical stimulants when looking at such material and thus your body becomes dependent on such stimuli.

If this porn issue is not nailed for good now then I foresee more problems with it.