Push /pull behaviour?

[rancidamoeba]

Anybody heard of this? Someone pulls you close, get's scared of being hurt / intimacy etc, pushes you away, gets scared of losing you pulls you close etc? I've been saying for ages that my "friend" is scared of getting too close, and people have been saying "No he doesn't like you." Anyone got experience / knowledge they can share?

I think you have hit the nail on the head, do you want to talk about your "friend" and thier behaviour a bit more?

Been a long old thing. We get close then he pushes me away. Then gets close again. Have even talked about marriage and then he said "but you'll meet someone better and leave me." I think I just go for that type actually.

The worst thing is when I get hurt /upset / angry it's my fault because he didn't mean to hurt me and I should understand he had the best of intentions.

What is his history and yours in relationships?

Are you divorced yet?

He sounds like a total PITA to be honest. Is he that good a shag that you're prepared to put up with his hissy fits?

Md no, that's still going on in the background. H has someone else (poor woman).
SGB, hello :) actually, it's more about how we get on than how we get off. Any physical stuff tends to lead to the "push" thing happening, so try to avoid it. But yes, in answer to your question.

PM'd you.

this might help you.

Thanks b&c and Foct, that was great. Really helpful

Walking away, but it really hurts. Just have to keep thinking about the pushes and the fact that it will worsen. :-(

Well done! Brave girl :)
You know it makes sense. Tough things do, sometimes.

It's a nightmare. My life is a mess and I feel sick, hot, shaky, it's like some kind of addiction. There should be some kind of support group for things like this. I read yesterday that these people tend to have a borderline personality disorder. I guess I have to keep thinking that it's like associating with someone who lurks in alleys waiting for a victim or something like that.

If it's eating you up, you are doing the right thing stepping back.

I had a relationship like that, when he left finally I was in bits. But then we met years later and now it works - because I've changed and am not co dependant - in other words, I was relying on him so badly, and getting so angry with him, all for my own reasons. Then I had some therapy and just got on with life and I changed - so he's on the sidelines now, he isn't everything to me.

I could never have sustained it before - I needed to change - he hasn't, but I have, definitely, so I can take him or leave him.

I was never happy the first time round but now I am.

Good luck - try and focus on other stuff, on yourself, why you needed that kind of relationship (i know why I did - I was commitment phobic too! and still am, a bit)

You never know, one day you might be in a better position to start over.