is it wise to carry on dating such a man?

[EverSoSlightlyDubious]

• in his late 40s, never married, no kids
• loads of past relationships, as well as

many casual sex partners (not any more apparently)

• had a very tough childhood which he's

talked about from virtually date no.1 (the crap childhood bit I can handle, it's the fact that he's told me so much about it from so early on)

• is still in touch with most of his exes

(and there's a lot of them) and has many women friends. He actually says he prefers women to men

• seems to drink rather a lot (the other

night after we parted after a date and he'd had a bottle of wine to himself, he asked me to drop him off at the pub so he could carry on drinking on his own)

Why am I seeing him? He's clever and attractive and enjoyable company and makes me feel desirable. Am just dating at the moment and don't want to get too involved with anyone as am recently divorced and just testing the water. But wondering if this one has too much baggage....

I will add it to my list of ARCOs spidookly.

And boak indeed. He was a great shag though
Sigh....

Sometimes crappy people are great shags. But you have to be pretty tough to be able to fend off their crappiness between actual shagging, particularly if they are genuinely manipulative rather than just dimwitted or thuggish.

Ithought from your initial post that the bloke was just a bit of a whiny pisshead loser, and as such harmless enough as long as you didn't get too close, but the more you post about him the more grim he sounds, so definitely dump and move on. there are plenty of other men out there.

Whoo-hoo! Well done, that Dubious

Spidookly answered your question to me. You can always find a bloke of less-repulsive character and teach him what you like in bed ... could be fun.

whiny pisshead loser or manipulative misogynist - either way not a great guy to take on!

And I do get attached to someone when I've done the deed, so the fewer times the better if they're not actually that nice.

Are you dumping him then ?

After your OP, I agreed with sgb. Carry on dating if you enjoy his company but don't push for anything more and just have a bit of fun.

Then the red flags started appearing (criticism of your appearance etc..after 3 wks, err, no way) so I would bail now.

Yes I am AF. He has also variously told me I was mad, too serious and cowardly (when I didn't answer his calls one night and he thought I was call-screening. Actually I was putting DD to bed).

Hope crap bloke radar works better next time...

christ almighty...all this shit in 3 weeks ?

you need to adjust your abusive-twat radar, seriously

Yes, I know. Or avoid men altogether. Don't want to do that though...

no, no, I wasn't advocating avoiding men altogether

most men are very nice indeed

you should pat yourself on the back here, tbh

you have realised very quickly he is a twat, you din't hang on for longer than you needed to

what I meant was, is your radar sufficiently tuned as to why you might be attracted to a type like this in the first place ?

Dump him now.

I read in 'Men's Health' magazine an article about how a man can keep getting sex from a woman, without any commitment. It said that you should leave enough space in between each time you have sex with her so she does not get too attached to you, which apparently is something which happens more with women (emotions different from men, apparently), and I can relate to that. So, I don't think you are different, OP, in that respect to alot of women.

He sounds like he will bring a load of grief into your life. He just happens to have practised in the sex department to make sure he knows what women like.

See what you mean AF. I'm attracted to unconventional men for some reason. Apart from all the crap stuff he definitely was (alternative career and other things) and I suppose that's why I got involved in the first place.

Also I have a tendency to think I can save them, I've never been involved with anyone who had a normal childhood or didn't hate one or other of their parents.

How do I spot a nice man then?

op, you have endured far far too much in such a short space of time.

in fact you have taken on 'all his shit' . i am sure you have enough of your own.

like my friend once said to me

'you really don't need a project' x

Nah, when YOU'VE had enough tell him. Who wants all those problems in their life? He's had enough time to kindly end contact with the exes, and sort out his drinking, even if his childhood was shit. Sounds like it's been part of his bait strategy, actually!

Enjoy the dating, then when you've had your confidence boost (and that's the fun bit!!) tell him it's been great, but you don't think there's a future in it. And, no, you don't want to stay in touch... byeee! Enjoy. It'll do his head in.

It's peculiar isn't it MM. Why would he tell me about his exes - he even told me what dress size his most recent ex was after we'd had sex!
(about 3 smaller than me). Do you think he thinks it makes him seem irresistible to women or something? What an arse!

Anyway, I've finished it, this is supposed to be fun and as Pirate says, I have enough to deal with. So when I go on another date and the guy immediately tells me about his abusive father or useless mother, do I go straight to the toilet and never come back?

Deffo!

Alternatively, if you really fancy him, you could say "I'm not at all interested in your complicated past and/or why you think you're different/better than the rest of the human race. I'm up for a shag, though, your place or mine?"

Make a rapid exit the next day, stopping off to treat yourself to a frothy coffee & pain au chocolat to remind yourself YOU know how to look after YOUR self

Have fun!

Look, if you ever have one of these again, either say to him or just in your head, but say it VERY LOUDLY in your head) 'Look, let's just have a shag. It will be fun. No strings.'
Have the shag, if you want to. But remember that a shag doesn't put any obligations on you that you don't want. It's just a shag.

He defo needed his marching orders...no good could have come from it.

^Why would he tell me about his exes - he even told me what dress size his most recent ex was after we'd had sex!
(about 3 smaller than me). Do you think he thinks it makes him seem irresistible to women or something? What an arse!^

Would you like a translation? It goes 'I've slept with someone thinner. Please start to feel jealous and insecure about her. Feel grateful that you've been with me'.

I've been there. The insults about appearance are classic ways of manipulating you and trying to destroy your confidence. Unfortunately, it took me years rather than weeks to realise it.

That's horribly spot-on snowedin, what a total wanker/horrid man! Not the only "comment" on my appearance either, even though he professed to fancying me "something rotten". I have no doubt he did but as you say was trying to undermine me. Also critical of my character too...

I hope he gets dick-rot. Although he won't be getting it from me because at least we were sensible about protection. What a f.....!

And I hope you are happy now.