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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

hahahahaha my parents are utter twats!

58 replies

wewishyouamerrylissiemas · 18/12/2010 19:51

my strained relationship with my parents is rather well documented, but i try to keep them in our lives for ds's sake.

my youngest brother is blatently their favourite and they drive him everywhere. he has just come back from 6m on a cruise ship in australia. all i have heard for the last 3m is "DB will be home in ... weeks" "we canyt wait to see DB" "DB brushed his teeth and 7am, then he had a shower and a wee, then went to work..." tis rather wearing. he got back on sunday, flew into heathrow. they drove from shropshire to pick him up. on monday he went back down to london to stay with a friend. came back thursday. today he went to manchester until weds, so they drove him to the train station.

ive told them that he is taking the piss and DB1 and i wouldnt have got away with it, they muttered that they dont see him often so dont want a row. fine, their lives!

we were looking for a wii for our family present this year and found a good deal for me, but i had it delivered to their house, i checked first and they said it was fine, because they would be bringing DB to see ds anyway(not me and dh, just ds)they were supposed to bring it yesterday (theyve had it for 2m) when there was only a smattering of snow and when i rang them to see what time they were coming said they wouldnt because of the weather, but if DB went to manchester today they MIGHT drop it off. I asked them to call first as wew had some stuff planned.

dh and i got up this morning and there was 6" of snow, so we decided to go and get ds a sleigh. we were walking up town when i got a call. "where are you?" no hello, how are you it was my vile stepdad. I said "getting the boy a sleigh, why?" "we are outside your house" I said "Im sorry, i didnt know whether you were coming, we left the house at 8.30, didnt think youd be over til later" he said "when will you be back? db's train is in half an hour" I said "I dont know, could you take it to MIL's (she lives 5 mins from us) and Ill pick it up from there" "fine".

so, i got home and there was a message on the phone, it was MIL, they had obviously walked in just as the answerphone picked up and you could hear my SD saying "Fucking waste of space that girl, she knew we were coming over, im really pissed off" and MIL said, "oh, im just ringing them" he said "fucking useless cow, wasting time"

first, its not my fault they didnt come over yesterday when DB could have seen ds properly, the roads were better and we had no plans. second, its common sense to RING first. third, they didnt make a special journey, id half understand if they did, but they didnt.

but once again it proves what twats they are!

sorry for the essay.

OP posts:
icedthecake · 18/12/2010 20:45

You're right it's hard to break change behaviour patterns. Does a s part of you still hope that your mum will show a softer side to you?
tis tough though - keep going Xmas Smile

BumptiousandBustly · 18/12/2010 20:46

Believe me, you feel guilty for a while, then you get over the guilt and realize how much better, simpler and less stressful your life is!

paarrp · 18/12/2010 20:46

after time you won't feel so guilty about it - I have cut contact with my dad - I was keeping in contact for the sake of the children - but soon realised that any contact with him was putting me under incredible stress and in turn I was transfering this to my children.

I do still feel a little bit guilty about it - but my family - my husband and children - are more important to me.

They will never change - its not that you're not good enough - it's them that are the problem - not you

bessie26 · 18/12/2010 20:47

don't feel guilty - they sound awful & you don't want them treating your DS the same way they treat you.

Have a lovely Christmas & a fresh start without them in the New Year! Xmas Grin

wewishyouamerrylissiemas · 18/12/2010 20:48

i suppose i do just want to have a proper relationship with my mum, ive been trying to please her for years. but its never gonna happen.

OP posts:
paarrp · 18/12/2010 20:51

:( have you had any counselling or psychotherapy - if you find a good therapist it can be really enlightening and help you manage your thoughts around 'pleasing' etc.

CarGirl · 18/12/2010 20:52

That's the point you never will you are better off spending your time grieving for what should have been and then moving on and spending that emotional energy on other people.

wewishyouamerrylissiemas · 18/12/2010 20:56

ive had years of counselling because of my anorexia, and they are a huge factor in that. although thats another thing thayt never happened! see, i imagined being hospitalized 3 times and fainting every day.

OP posts:
CarGirl · 18/12/2010 21:01

Has it occured to you that by having any sort of relationship with them you are condoning the way they parented you?

paarrp · 18/12/2010 21:01

ok - I think you need to start the new year with a fresh pair of eyes - and perhaps some professional support to get you through to the mindset of needing their approval being central to your self esteem. They don't deserve to be part of your life.

Good luck - you deserve more than this.

wewishyouamerrylissiemas · 18/12/2010 21:18

cargirl, it has occurred to me. i have been very verbal in condemning physical discipline and whenever they make a reference to weight i cut them off. new years day they are coming over for lunch, it is all arranged. but after that Im done. I have made them a christmas pud, and they havent thanked me. I have had some real health issues this year and he has told me that I moan too much.

fuck 'em.

OP posts:
CarGirl · 18/12/2010 21:23

Start reminding yourself and tell them that they are not good enough for you or your ds Wink

Ormirian · 18/12/2010 21:25

Yes, there are indeed twats. So sorry Sad

wewishyouamerrylissiemas · 18/12/2010 21:30

after this I didnt call them, they have called me every time since.

OP posts:
BrandyButterPie · 18/12/2010 21:32

Why are you having them for new years day? Go out :)

CarGirl · 18/12/2010 21:33

So they are even abusive towards you in front of your son Sad you are worth so much more than that.

christmasheave · 18/12/2010 21:36

Have you thought about cancelling new year lunch? I can't think of any way worse of welcoming in a new year than spending time with toxic people like your folks.

wewishyouamerrylissiemas · 18/12/2010 21:37

i know, Im going to have to actively cut them out now rather than just not making the effort.

OP posts:
wewishyouamerrylissiemas · 18/12/2010 21:39

i could, i mean its all planned, but i cant be doing with snidey comments about my cooking, what im wearing, my weight, my ribs, my parenting...

fuck it, we'll go oout for lunch instead.

OP posts:
paarrp · 18/12/2010 21:41

I haven't read all of your linked thread but the first page made me feel incredibly sad.
I honestly think you shouldn't have them over on new years day - don't make an issue of it - just say your plans have changed and then in the new year screen your calls and don't get back to them.

paarrp · 18/12/2010 21:42

You are going to have to be strong and say no to them - can your husband support you withi this?

SnowyBriar · 18/12/2010 21:47

Get cross wewishyouamerrylissiemas...

What would you tell your best mate if her parents treated he like this...

What would you encourage your friend to put in place to stop her being hurt...

Be your own best mate...protect yourself like you would her.

You really do deserve a life free of this torture. xx

SnowyBriar · 18/12/2010 21:48

What would you tell your best mate if her parents treated her like this...

MyBrilliantCareer · 19/12/2010 10:44

Yes they are your parents but that does not mean they have the right to abuse you any more than anyone else would. You have every right to cut them out without feeling guilt.

It takes two parties to have a relationship and they clearly are not interested in that. They are responsible for their behaviour - not you. So the only ones who should feel guilty are them.

You need love, care and support from your parents. That's what their role is. They aren't fulfilling their role and as cargirl said, you are actually condoning their behaviour if you don't cut them out.

You deserve to be treated better than this. But you are going to have to be the one to take control and not let this nastiness into your life.

Sad for you.

wewishyouamerrylissiemas · 19/12/2010 10:54

I have decided to cancel NYD and just avoid their calls from now on. I cant be arsed with this anymore. they are poisonous.

OP posts:
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