Husband on a diet....

[tethersendiswhereimat]

...is making my life a misery

Basically,he has an ongoing battle with his weight but doesn't seek advice,he is always in one of two phases,either overeating to extremes,this includes drinking vast amounts of lager or cutting right back to tiny amounts.

He has just failed a medical at work and has started the cutting right back phase,now me and kids are bearing the brunt of his withdrawal,short fuse,controlling behaviour,general not very nice to be around.

I have tried everything in the past,being supportive,offering advice re sensible diet,suggesting he seeks proffessional help,etc...and also just keeping quiet and letting him get on with it,my mum has chatted with him and his mum is a nurse and has given him lots of pointers.

Right now,i would prefer him to be fat and happy but he does need to lose weight as it is going to ruin not only his health but his job.

Any advice please?

thether sorry to hear you are having a miserable time.

How can you help your DH? He needs to learn that crash diets and yo-yo weight loss and gain is worse for his health than being a steady overweight person. Are the rest of you large or is it just him? Do you buy in the food and are there any unhealthy snacks in the cupboards that he can binge on? Do you exercise together as a family? Go out for walks or swim or whatever? Maybe you could discuss a family action plan that improves everybody's fitness.

Incidentally is the "vast amount of lager" an issue other than calories? Is he suffering alcohol withdrawal? That would make him irritable.

Ultimately you can't do this for him but you can try to show him a healthy lifestyle and teach the DC a better way of living.

tether even

Thanks for your reply

We are a family of 6 and he is only one with weight issues,i always watch my weight as i'm short so have to be careful.

We do alot of walking as a family with our dogs but husband doesn't come,think he has a few times in the past.

Yes,i'm sure the drinking is a problem too,this has been going on for so long now i'm worn down by it

When he is in a cutting down phase he goes running with a huge rucksack on his back filled with weights,i can't lift it,it must be so damaging to his body as it's already under strain from excess weight. He won't listen if i suggest this is not a good idea,that just a fast walk/jog would be enough.

The exercising lasts a very short time,as does the diet then he starts overeating again.

I buy the food,we eat healthy as a family,fruit always available to snack on,i ensure i cook a healthy meal every day for dinner (evening meal) but he buys food out,take outs,pastys,crisps,chocolate etc...eats in secret.

I know...it is so frustrating and getting very difficult to live with

Some people seem to almost need an addiction to work off their tensions so if they give up alcohol they take up gambling and so on. I have noticed quite a few friends who start exercising and get addicted to that and can't just do it gently. Maybe there is a bit of that going on with your DH. He has to do extreme dieting and exercise or none at all, binge drinking or none at all.

It must be exasperating to live with and you can't do it for him. He must feel quite low about it too. "Look how hard I am trying and nothing works!" Whereas a slow pound a week weight loss adds up to 2 stone over six months.

I know,i do feel sorry for him,that he just can't see that there is a better way,he's been told and he sees how long it takes for me to lose a few pounds (months!)

He needs to try that bloody Shred video.

He runs a serious risk of a heart attack if he is so overweight and goes running with a huge weight on his back.

Is counselling an option for him?

Apparently the 'lighter life' plan is good for men - fast results and people say they feel great. The downside is the cost at around £60 per week, but they provide everything you need supposedly.

I'm not sure men are great with the 2 pounds a week weightloss - although I agree it is better in the long run.

Good luck.

Would he respond to something a bit gadgety maybe? Weightwatchers new plan has a phone app which is great, you can record it all on your phone, track weight loss etc. It is also a very 'liveable' plan and really good for this time of year. He would get daily points and a weekly pot to dip into if he wanted for the odd beer or two. Probably not his thing at all but just a thought.

I'd show him this thread. He is sabotaging your efforts.

In the U.S., there is a show called Freaky Eaters. One man ate 4 cheeseburgers a day. His wife would cook healthy meals which he would push around on the plate. He wasn't hungry after all his cheeseburgers. He'd get one on the way to work, one on his way home.

He didn't eat vegetables. The bad diet started to affect him in his mid twenties. He was 30 something in the show--felt awful, diabetes, no stamina, and fat.

How long is the current phase likely to last?
I think you've probably done all that you can to try to help and guide him. I would suggest that you and the kids go out for more walks with the dogs when he's around.
I agree with NoNames that he probably has some sort of addictive personality. My DH gets a bit like this as well when he's in his 'gym' mode and will run for hours on the treadmill - keeps him out of our way at least!!

Oh that's a bummer.
Must be hard to dewal with esp. as you are obviously a person who takes great pride in your appearence.

He has completely unrealistic beliefs, all that veering from one thing to another.

It's a fact of life that nowadays, with the way we live, we all have to be so careful. Too little opportunity for exercise and too much booze and crap food everywhere.

He needs to set up some sort of behavioural goal/contract. Plot his weight, commit to a few activites a week, cut the junk.
But..only he can do it. Noone lese.

Thanks for the ideas,i think this phase will probably either last into January then he will slip back into overeating or it will go wrong at Christmas,he will overeat and then feel he's ruined everything...time will tell,why can't life just be easy hey!!

tethersendiswhereimat: get him to exercise. It will boost his seroton which will make him happier, and his sex drive which will make you both happier, and also let him eat a little more if he feels like it to.