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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Opinion please

31 replies

feverfew · 28/09/2005 20:07

I think I just need to rant, met DH when we were 25, married 18 months later and now have 2 DS, been married for 8 years.

He has been violent to me once, and I swore if he ever did it again I'd walk, that was over 4 years ago and it's never happened since, although he does have a temper and throw things.

He hates me going out on my own, but doesn't stop me, he will give throw away comments but not directly at me, he will shout as DS before I'm going out and cause a big drama. Called my friends sluts last year and said I was acting like them, but not directly called me one, and said I was acting like a divorced single woman and if that's what I wanted i could be. I was going out maybe once a month, having drinks, and did get drunk a couple of times, came in about 2.30am.

Have tried very hard to moderate my behaviour to what he likes, he thinks that I should just like going for meals and doesn't understand why I still like clubbing at my age.

I had a close male friend who he suspected was postitioning to hit on me, I've now had to end that friendship although I didn't want to.

When we're home he seems to find things to do, jobs round the house, nipping to the shops etc, generally busying himself until about 9pm.

We haven't had a conversation or really been in the same room before 10.30pm this week, and tonight he's gone out.

I don't even know what I'm asking for, I don't want to leave my sons are too young, I'd say I'm 70% happy 30% unhappy - but I'm so pissed off tonight, and really thinking is this it ? I did tell my SIL last year that if we didn't have kids I'd have walked, told him too in fact. Really don't know if I was serious though.

He was away earlier in the year and I really hoped he'd come back and tell me he'd met someone else so I could end it.

Am I just bored and this is where we need to work at it ?

OP posts:
newmumhelp · 28/09/2005 21:19

We all kid ourself, don't worry about it. Its a friendship as long as nothing happens. I flirt with my friend but then i'm flirty sort of person. Its all harmless fun

dabihp · 28/09/2005 22:18

crazy, is that the bloke that your mate got off with infront of you (if so, what a bitch!)... or was that someone elses post? read so many, get confused...

feverfew · 29/09/2005 09:34

tried to discuss how I felt this morning, kids weren't up, we were awake and snuggled. Could here the immediate defensive tone in his voice, so I said it doesnt' matter, he pressed until I told him how I felt, which degenerated into him shouting at me about how perfect he is, what he does around the house etc and why don't I just do what I want and stop making everyone else's life a misery, and log on to MN so I could find someone who agrees with me - exit the room.

I followed after a couple of minutes and said this doesn't have to be an arguement, I want communication, I'm not attacking you as a father or husband I just want to talk to you.

Anyway got no further, I asked if he was happy in our marriage and he said mostly.

Asked what he planned to do tonight,as I'd be home early would do tea, sort kids, so from about 7pm we could be together. He reeled off stuff that needs doing in the house, which I know about but seeing as we haven't seen each other yet this week and I'm out on Friday night - would it really matter if these jobs were left till the weekend ?

Oh I asked if he could give me a lift to the party on Friday, he said no as he's going for a drink after work and theres a direct bus route for me.

I knew before I even opened my mouth what would happen, and it did, he even asked how I could be so complimentary one weekend and then in a matter of days feel unhappy - I tried to tell him it's about talking to each other and spending time with each other but he just can't seem to hear me.

and before anyone says it no he wouldn't go for councelling.

OP posts:
crazydazy · 29/09/2005 11:20

Oh Feverfew I totally feel sorry for you, is he agreeing that you can go out then? At least yours does let you go out. My friend has just been and asked me to go out tomorrow but there is no hope in hell that I will go....just don't need the hassle.

Relationships are hard though aren't they? sometimes I just can't be bothered but do it for the kids.

No Dahbihp it wasn't me that post but I know what you mean about getting confused sometimes I am worried to give advice in case I have got crossed wires!!!

crazydazy · 29/09/2005 20:33

Hope you are feeling better Feverfew and sorted things out

feverfew · 30/09/2005 12:41

as usual we've ignored it and carried on as usual, although he did come and lay on the bed reading a magazine last night whilst I watched honey we're killing the kids.

Usually he'd have stayed downstairs and watched the football.

shrug

OP posts:
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