Work relationship?

[rancidamoeba]

I have always had a real thing against getting involved with anyone at work. It's not that I've never worked with anyone that I have found attractive, in fact I once had a huge crush on my line manager in an old job, recently I have had to work with a colleague who I find quite attractive. He's younger than me and quite touchy feely. He tends to put his hands on my shoulder / stroke my back when we work together, which I don't dislike, but in my particular job is probably not appropriate. Today I spoke to him and said thank you for all his help etc, and he did the strokey thing and looked into my eyes. Hmmm! Still think it's not a good idea to get involved with anyone at work, but he's rather lovely and I am senior to him in position (as well as age, sadly) any advice welcome

I know of several successful relationships that started at work.

Unless you have a very busy social life, it can be hard to meet new people anywhere BUT the workplace.

I married someone I met at work. The thing is that we never, ever, acted as if we were a couple at work. We might meet up for lunch from time to time, but even when we were in the first exciting throes, we would never have put an arm round each other, or stroked a back or an arm. So this is what I think is wrong with that you are doing, you aren't separating work and your private life.

As his senior I think you actually need to take your young colleague to one side and tell him that the physical stuff isn't on. Or, if you can't handle that, just move away next time he does it and say something like "OK, no need to be so touchy feely". If you end up dating then you'd need to discuss how you were going to keep things professional at work. I think you'd also have to tell your line manager that you were in a relationship. That may sound difficult, but it is what we did, so when people started gossiping our boss just told them that he knew about us and as long as it didn't affect our work he didn't have a problem.

Yes I agree, I don't mind the touchy thing, because he's quite nice :-), but if he does it to another colleague he could get done for harrassment or something, also we are not in a relationship but have lots of eyes on us when we work, so rumours could get started.

If you are senior to him, that feathery strokery thing is very inappropriate.

That feathery stroke thing is inappropriate at work without being in a relationship or having had a discussion about it.

Sorry, I wouldn't assume he had any exclusive intentions unless it had been discussed. Do you know if you are the only person he strokes like this? Can others see him doing it to you and maybe also others?

If he has serious intentions with you then discuss it/go on a date/whatever. But if not, then this is completely out of order.

No, I'm sure he's touchy feely with everyone. I wasn't assuming his intentions, I was just saying it was nice because he was cute, but also was probably not appropriate. If he does it again I will have to say something. My life is far too complicated as it is without starting a new relationship or having people gossip about me.

What is the feathery stroke thing?

Fairy, was just putting his hand on my shoulder / stroking my back. (see op.) Other people added the feathery bits