Help me with this discussion on virginity

[purplepeony]

Okay- bit tongue in cheek, but after seeing Widdy on Strictly my BF and I were talking about virgins, as Widdy is famously one at 63.

I find it impossible to believe that anyone nowadays chooses to stay a virgin until their wedding night - or chooses to be one at all.

Does anyone know a virgin who is holding off until she has tied the knot?

We are all virgins here.

I have a friend who is a Mormon and she waited till her wedding night. She was very nervous but very glad she did.

Dunno, people do it for religous reasons or they haven't met anyone they could have a relationship with and don't want to have one night stands...lots of possibilities.

Lol Bit- there was a thread here a few months back with loads of virgins on it -really surprised me!

I don't think you necessarily choose to be a virgin - but if you haven't met anyone you wnat to have sex with, then being a virgin is the best thing to be! Infinitely better than having sex with someone just for the sake of having done it.

I am a born-again virgin

Some perfectly normal people simply aren't that interested in sex.

"I find it impossible to believe that anyone nowadays chooses to stay a virgin"

why? what if you just don't meet anyone until relatively late that you think is worth sleeping with? Some of us have high standards

I'm a bit suprised to find many virgins on MumsNet though!

No- it's not just about meeting someone- it's more about being with a guy perhaps and deciding to hold off.

Grimma- there are all sorts on MN- I am always surprised ( again) at so many members who don't have kids.

Oh, I know there's all sorts (and most welcome!) but its still suprising to hear there were loads of virgins here - apart from not being parents, its often shall we say earthy

so i wonder how may of MN held out till their wedding might- and why?

If I had my time again I would wait. Maybe not until my wedding night (as am not a fan of the institution of marriage) but I wish I had held on until it was with someone special, instead of desparately kicking my virginity to the kurb the first chance I got.

did you get rid ot it so to speak because you felt under pressure or because you liked the guy?

My (now) DH was a virgin at 29. He'd never had a serious girlfriend. I think there were two reasons

1. his mum died when he was 18 after a long battle with brain cancer. He failed his a-levels, got let in to to uni cos of his circumstances and has worked like a demon ever since

2. he has no sense of smell. I diagnosed this when I opened his fridge the first time I went round there. He therefore spent years using musty towels (can't smell damp and figured he was drying a clean body so they didn't need washing). He didn't use underarm either.

Once I sorted that out I realised I'd got a fab bloke but could kinda see why others had been put off.

He took a bit of gentle handling and a lot of encouragement (was a bit shy) but have to say training your own means that they only do the things you like. Didn't wait 'til the wedding night though.

Bit surprised you lot assume only women can stay virgins for a while.

I don't knowingly know anyone who has held out until they are married. But I was one until I was 22, as I didn't meet anyone I wanted to have sex with until then and feeling committed in some way to a person was important for me. Although I did have the opportunity. I guess I just wasn't ready though.

ahh camel that's really sweet- glad it's worked out.

I wonder how many women stay virgins until the big day?

Yes - I have a friend who is a virgin (she is 28/29). Out of choice, for religious reasons. She doesn't want to have sex until she is married.

I 'know' lots who waited, as I post to a christian forum. I think it's a mistake. There is such a thing as sexual incompatibility.

I've never got the Christian link- I used to be be quite Christian- was a Sunday school teacher in my youth but could never find anything in the Bible to say "wait sex is just for marrieds"- is it really there or is it a myth?
Does sexual incompatability exist or is that an excuse people use to break up marriages?

PP, "married" meant "exclusive sexual partners" until the Church and, consequently, the State institutionalised it. This happened around the mid-16th century. As the Church decided it would determine who was married or not, it also acquired the right to determine when couples could become sexual partners.

I waited as did DH. We were mid-20s. I know tons of people who are/did through church / summer camps etc.

Re Christian link, how much of an essay do you want!? TBH it's both obedience to the commandment not to commit adultery and before we get endless arguments that this only applies if oen of the people is married, marriage is used throughout the bible to reflect the relationship of God / Christ with his people / the church. In Genesis sex ('one flesh') was a gift to cement the marriage relationship, so it is used as God intended when it is between married partners who have made that public declaration for lifelong commitment. Infidelity is mourned and denounced in Hosea and there are lots of other references. Obviously life post the Fall is now marred in lots of ways but it is still the ideal and Christians believe that Jesus has forgiven and rescued us and enables us to live for him rather than for ourselves so we are to aspire to the ideal rather than assume it's irrelevant. But Jesus' rescue also applies to sexual failure.

Not sure that's very clear, but trying to keep it less than a page!

I must be being dim then because I never in all my years understood that the adultery in the 10 commandments meant single people - i took it to mean infidelity.

What puzzles me re. the Christian appproach is- how do you draw the line? ie is mutual masturbation accpetable? touching over clothes? Kissing? Is it simply penetration that is not allowed? If so, was that not more to do with the possibility of unwanted pregnancy ( pre birth control) rather than morality?