Is this Insecurity?

[Sunshine2078]

Hiya all,

Can anyone offer a bit of advice?

I have a partner (been together 2 years and have a 18 wk old son) and his insecurity is becoming an issue for me. He works away and stays at my house fri and sat nights and goes home sun evening.
He's about to come to stay at my house for nearly 3 weeks during his holidays from work.

When he's at my house, he constantly wants to be in the same rooms as me (even if i go in the bath he appears). I cant even go to the local shop without him wanting to come with me.
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These are some other reasons I think he's insecure....

He constantly tells me I am his world and he cant imagine life without me and wouldnt be able to cope and says he loves me about 20 times a day.

He obsessively texts me (can be about 40 a day), if i dont reply, he will text saying "I love you" or will send a text asking how our son is cos he knows i need to respond.

He goes back to work every sunday and does not go out or socialise with friends during the week, he sits in his room everynight texting me "saying he misses me" and is waiting to come back to my house

He constantly asks me if I am ok?

It's not often I get cross but if i argue with him, he gets tearful and agrees with whatever i say.

Am I over reacting or is this a real problem?

I couldn't live/have a relationship with someone like this.

It would completely drive me crazy.

He sounds a bit much tbh. I would find that suffocating.
It is a real problem, you aren't overreacting. Have you ever told him how you feel? If not then maybe now is the time.

Thank you for your quick replies.

I was beginning to think it was me going crazy and ungrateful!

Sunshine2078, You are right, there might be a problem because he does not sound like an autonomous adult to me. How old is he and does he have a separate life outside of your relationship by way of friends, family, hobbies and interests?

SA

Personally i dont think this is insecurity , i think its time consuming manipulative behaviour , and i would stamp it out and establish some boundaries as it doesnt sound like he has any.

Sending anyone 40 texts a day is absurd , but doing that to someone with a new baby is selfish , thoughtless , and not ok. What happens if you have company / are tired ect ? Are you still expected to boost his ego with constant texts ?

Apearing while your in the bath isnt ok and again indicates a lack of boundarys . If you dont want to receive 40 texts a day say so , firmly , and if you dont want him apearing while your trying to wash , be clear .

I find it hard to beleive that this guy is so insecure he needs to do this , or thinks its ok in any way. Im inclined to think its low level controlling behaviour , he has your attention constantly and your time , regardless of what other commitments you might have.

He is monopolizing your time , even when hes not with you. Have a firm talk ,ie the texting is going to stop , he can send say 5 , or a call , but thats it , and any more will be ignored. Insist on being able to bath in peace , or meet freinds in peace without your phone constantly beeping.

This sounds like a toddler whos overly attatched to his mummy.

SurryAmazon, he is 28 and has none what so ever, and if I suggest things he could be doing, he simply agrees its a good idea to have outside interests but doesnt go looking for any.

Dignified, thanks for your advice, i really was beginning to think it was me with the problem. Yes he still expects me to text when I am tired, he doent understand being tired as he gets exellent sleep due to working away. He has recently started trying to hug me all the time we're in a room together and if i'm busy and dont have time, he will sigh and walk away (even if he's hugged me 2 times in the last hour)

OMG I'm beginning to see the extent of my problem, its gona be a long 3 weeks. I'm stuck because I dont want him here for 3 weeks (and he has nowhere else to go apart from his mothers) but I dont want him mising out on seeing his son.

Agree with Dignified. Is his clingy behaviour you still live separately?

The reason, sorry

He's in the army and lives miles away.

I couldn't cope with that behaviour either. In fact, it would be a dreadful turnoff, apart from all the other flags.

Has he loosened up any since the baby arrived, or become worse?

It's a real problem. He has no idea of boundaries and can't see you for the individual you are. He's got ishoos that can't be fixed with a bit of tlc or a stern talk. The next 3 weeks should be interesting :(

How come you're taking responsibility for his enjoyment of Christmas and his relationship with his son? Is he 28 or 2yrs 8months??

He goes on and on about me moving down to the army base but I dont want to. I also have kids from my previous marriage and dont want to move them schools, also i have a good job that i worked hard to get and my own house. (my kids think the world of him) He make me feel guilty that I wont move because other partners have moved and says he will miss his sons first steps etc by living apart

Thats a good point Grace, he automatically assumed that he could come and stay and I accepted it

I've been rereading my messages and shocked i've let it get like this.

It time for me to sort it, thanks again everyone :)

He has recently started trying to hug me all the time we're in a room together and if i'm busy and dont have time, he will sigh and walk away (even if he's hugged me 2 times in the last hour)

Constant demands for attention like this are not on , nor is trying to make you feel guilty . Have you spoken to him about this ?