Can you actively initiate friendships or do they need to happen naturally

[Fedallio]

It's a bit hard explaining but what I'm trying to ask is have you made friendships because you thought that person "seemed nice", " had things in common" etc or did you become friends without actively trying., It just happened naturally?

I've recently become SAHM and am finding it very lonely. I've made a couple of good friends but they work so don't see them that often. I would like to make more friends but don't know if inviting potential people around for tea is the answer. I've asked a couple of people around but although we got on ok they never reciprocated.
Should I just accept that friends will appear when they're meant to?

I have moved countries several times since having children so have experience of starting afresh with friends. I think it does take some work and you do need to be active. Not pushy or over keen but just open, friendly and be prepared to invite new friends over a few times without expecting invites in return.

You are the person with space in your network, they might not be. They might be happy with their network and not really looking for more friends, so it might take time. Keep trying though, tea andcake especially if you have children the same age is good, as is suggesting a walk in local forest, park, playgroup together.

It will come in time, I think it takes me a full year in a new place before I feel a sense of belonging and really knowing people - maybe it'll be less for you as you haven't moved, just changed circumstances

When I had dS I went out and 'found' friends as I was lonely at home. I met loads of people and with some effort a number of them have developed into true friends. The process has taken a few years so early on you might have to go with 'people you have something in common with' and 'people you meet at playgroup' and from then find the ones you naturally get on with.

IMO it does take some work, most people are shy about suggesting meeting up but welcome it if you do.

Good luck, it's worth it!

I have actively made friends with people. We moved to a small village when I was relatively young and soon had family, meaning I was no longer working. I knew noone in the village and all my friends worked.
I started with one girl who had her baby at nearly the same time as me. I wrote her a note with my phone number and invited her to get in touch. Luckily she phoned and then I invited her round. We are now very close friends and our dds are best friends too.
With other people it has just been having the courage to invite people round for a coffee eg people I met at nursery, playgroup, toddlers, the school etc. Some come and some don't. You have to be a little thick skinned about it. Some come and it is fine but you know you will never be fantastic friends. Others come and you realise you could chat for hours. Many are now really good friends.
Good luck - it takes time and a little bit of courage to put yourself out there but it is worth persevering.

I've been working on building up a social circle since I had my DD 4 months ago.
For me it takes alot of effort because of low self-esteem and depression, but I've found that generally new mums are often in the same boat with regard to feeling isolated.
I've thrown myself into groups and met up with lots of other mums, some of whom I haven't 'clicked' with and others I've chosen to be more actively sociable with.
I think it's important to not get disheartened and to keep working on it.

Hi! I'm single with no DCs.

Completely agree with what everybody has said so far.

I find FB great for keeping in touch and finiding old friends. I also do a lot of texting often just to say hi or suggest meeting for coffee - even if people can't make it, they are often pleased to be asked.

Could you and few friends have a night out/night away? I find that really helps strengthen friendships.

Yes, you can definitely encourage friendships. My theory if that people generally like it if you ask them to do things because they think that you like them. And most people like to be liked.

I'm a SAHM and I need to talk to other adults to keep me sane. I would jump at the chance of going round to someone's house to tea.

The only thing I would say, is that you shouldn't take it personally if people don't take you up on stuff all the time - people are busy. But IMO, ask lots of people to do lots of things and you will soon find you have an active social life.

Thanks everyone.
Will persevere. It just seems like everyone else is so busy except me. I guess they have relatives etc whereas it's just baby and I.

I think it just takes time - we moved to our area a year and a bit ago and I'd say it's only at the year mark that new friends from playgroup etc would actually ring me up for a chat etc.

I'd say what worked best for me was going to the same toddler/music groups etc repeatedly. As sooner or later the old timers will organise a night out etc whilst you are in earshot and once you're socially out I think it's a lot easier to bond with other parents than when chasing toddlers across the room!