Stepmother being unreasonable about her son's partner

[SilverOnTheTreesLounge]

I know lots of women with older DHs, but few with far younger ones. In fact it's almost taboo I think, when we're talking of more than a 5 year or so age gap.

Anyway, family situation ongoing and I just want to see what people think. Am a regular but have name changed as family come on here.

Essentially my stepmother has gone off the deepend in relation to her son's DP (they are getting married next year). The DP is older than him, about 7 years I think - anyway she is early thirties he is mid twenties.

They are expecting a child next May and are getting married sometime next year. They've been together over 2 years now.

When they told her she went ballistic and blames the partner for trapping her DS too young because her biological clock is ticking. Some fairly nasty things were said.

My dad is being neutral (though its not his son so perhaps easier for him).

However, I'm really pissed off with her because at the end of the day her DS is an adult and has made his choices, his DP being older might not have been her dream for him, hey that's life. Can't say I was thrilled when she got together with my dad, but you just get on with it. Why does she think it's OK to vent her spleen like this? She never offered any congratulations and in fact said she feels like she's mourning her son.

So Christmas is going to be a hoot, we're going there for Boxing Day dinner with loads of other family and I'm dreading it.

What can I say to her or to DSB's DP to pour oil on water without making the situation worse?

Oh, and just to make it that bit more hypocritical, my stepsister (her older daughter) is married to a bloke who is 10 years older than her!

I think all you can do/say is be friendly and nice to the DP so she knows its not the whole family being weird about her. I'm assuming you don't know her very well?

The mother is being a nutter - it's nothing to do with her what age her son's partner is, and by mid 20s he's an adult and can make his own choices. But she may be the sort of mother who would never think anyone was good enough for her little boy. The age is just the excuse to hate this partner, it might just as easily have been colour or background, or almost anything.

I would remain polite to everyone and adt how I think everyone else should act (and not drink or my good intentions would go out the window!). Good luck! She may need someone to throw her a friendly smile every now and again.

I actually like his DP. She's a similar age to me but seems younger, so it's not like they are mismatched.

I have already made it clear to her and DSB that we're pleased for them and have asked them to come to stay at ours after the Boxing Day meal as no such invitation issued from my Dad and stepmother (even though they have drive down from up north to get here ).

Feel a annoyed with Dad too for letting her have her free reign with her anger/disappointment and not telling her "grieve" privately. Such a negative start to a childs life, and the start of their in-law relationship. Very .

I do feel sympathy with the DP as I've always been on the sharp end of her anger about various things I've done that displeased her that were none of her business really. Whereas up until now her two were the golden children that could do no wrong. Even now she's not annoyed with him, it is all aimed at the DP.

I had to tell her that I didn't want to talk to her about it because even listening to her snidey remarks was making me feel complicit.

Might be worth a quiet word with your father to suggest he rein MIL in before she goes burning bridges.

We had this situation in my family and while the parents of the man in question completely supported his choice and welcomed his partner, they did feel very sad that because of her age, their son would not be able to have children (age gap is more like 15 years in this case). But in the end, he's got free will, that's his choice so no one need feel sorry for him, let alone blame his partner.

You're right, you just have to get on with it, and with a good grace. She's done nothing wrong, after all-just made him happy and created a child with him. In my case the partner has been welcomed into the family, no one's judging and all is good. What's the alternative after all?

Yeah, I think I will have to speak to Dad. I think you're right about burning bridges. It would be such a shame.