Do you ever think how much more developed as a person you might be if you were not in your long-term relationship?

[arabella2]

I do. I have been with dh for 7 years now and looking back on it I probably should have called it quits after a year or two, but at the time I could not see the wood for the trees.
We now have one ds (21 months) and I am pregnant with number 2 so it is really bizarre how life is. We have a very up and down relationship and the ups are okay, but either we have never managed to resolve some big issues or we are not really suited to each other. I just think how much more I would have done with the past few years if I had not been obsessing about dh or doing things with him and his family - I know those things are important too but what about me???? I just think it's very hard to be in a relationship and also have time for your own things... Even more so now with kids. Also, I have a yearning for some things which ds really could not handle - eg. I could live in a village but he would hate it...
Anyway, just food for thought. Would you marry your dh again (or choose your dp again?)...
I'm not sure I would but then how can I think that when ds is here???

I think you get used to relying on someone else. I remember feeling pathetially nervous when I started driving long distances with the kids - but wouldnt have thought twice befor marriage/ kids.
MY dh thinks its hilarious that I ever inter r ailed around Europe - I think he sees me as rather pathetic - which is not how I am or appear to others.

I certainly hate doing all his Jobs(dishwahser, cat etc ) when he is in Amsterdam. GRRRRRRRRR

I would choose My dh again.

i do too, i often think of the "wasted" years of being pregnant and bringong up babies - and being poor and unhappy and i often think about what if i hadn't married so young and gone to university sooner and actually had a youth.

however this reflects more on me and not DH. and those years wernt wasted at all i have three wonderful children. yes we may have been skintish - but by goodness we know what we have now!

i could live very basically - but DH needs telly
and puters n' stuff. thats about it

DH is a tosspot quite a lot of the time and my wondering starts usually when DH is at his height.

but am quite happy with myself as a person.

I'd definitely marry my dh again. Maybe I'm just lucky, but even though we've been together 11 years now i still think he's great & I know that his support has helped me become a much stronger, more confident & happier person. Mind you, he isn't perfect - oh no - but then I guess this, plus the 2 boys have helped me develop my patience - still a long way to go with this one.

I guess I rely on him when I'm being thick with the computer & occasionally for removing dead voles, but in general i'm pretty self-relient & do a lot of jobs that firneds rely on their dh's for (like car services, sorting out the insurance, choosing & test driving cars etc)
I do too much - you've just put me off him!

I have been with my DH for 7 years (married for 2) and would definately marry him again. It took a lot of soul searching from me to decide that I did want to get married, some of it down the lines that you are talking about arabella2. I think I realised that whatever I gained by not getting married/being with DH, I also lost this double as a result. Yes, my career may have been progressed, maybe I would be living in London, have more personal freedom. But on the other hand, I wouldn't have someone to share my life with, grow with and ultimately enrich me as a person. I am lucky that being with my DH does all those things. Hope that doesn't sound too twee!

I would marry mine again too. We have grown and changed together. Started off 14 years ago on a party mission and have gradually mellowed (thank god or we'd be dead!)

We pretty much egged each other on in our careers, when one made a big advance it spurred the other on to do the same. We now both have good jobs and are thinking of going part time to get a better work/life balance.

We do disagree on certain things but always manage to either come to a compromise or one of us concedes.

I was 35 and dh 36 when we had dd so we had done plenty of partying, travelling etc. Happy to cut down on all that and concentrate on family for a bit. Still love a good night out though!

DH and I were joking only last night that we would never had got together if we had met in our early twenties. As it was we got together when we were 30/31 and married when we were 33/34. We had done a lot of travelling, had progressed well in our careers etc before having DS and so are content with where we are.

Oh, don't start me off on this one! The one thing I am trying to impress on my DD (17) is for god's sake don't get married at 20!!! have a life first.

We are heading for our 20th wedding anniversary next month. When I see the lives the girls I went to school with have, I wish I could turn back the clock & do it all differently. NOT spend twenties having children, and be broke for 20 years... To have a DH with a brain... sorry, that's not fair, but no, I wouldn't marry him again (& he says the same).