Any psychologists about? what would cause him to act in such an awful way?

[ThroatisKilling]

DH had gastric bypass operation two years ago. He's gone from 31 stone to 14 stone in two years. He's also started to act like a complete bullying twat. If an overweight person is on TV he'll say "oh god turn it off, they're making me feel sick, so disgusting, putting me off my tea". If an overweight person walks in front of the car he'll start a load of abuse " fat bastard get off the fucking road! maybe if you wern't so fat you'd be able to walk faster! fucking fat arsehole, look!!! she can barely walk she's so fat and disgusting".

He even does it with kids. At DS's cubs group is a young lad (aged about 10) who is overweight and DH has nicknamed him "cheese" and says stuff like "god that kid is disgusting, I bet all he does is eat, he's disgusting, look his clothes hardly fit, gross".

Why??? I'm assuming it must be a psychological issue with his past weight problems??

I think it's not uncommon.

My father smoked for years and finally gave up under duress - he was in hospital and very ill for a long time with an ulcer. He went through a period of vilifying smokers terribly, though is calmer now (whether that has to do with time passing or the fact that fewer people smoke, I am not sure).

Your DH at 14 stone is not sylph-like, though! Just a lot less fat that before.

I lost six stone to go from fifteen to nine stone. Sometimes I do find myself being a bit smug and judgy of people who are overweight - sort of "I did it, why can't you" sort of thing.

But the difference is, I keep it IN MY HEAD - I don't actually say it.

And I know even thinking it is a "bad thing".

Does he say it to people to ther face, or just behind their backs, about them to you?

Sounds like he's projecting the disgust and loathing he feels for himself onto others. I think it's quite common among people who've lost significant amounts of weight. I've seen this behaviour myself in people I know who've managed to lose weight, they were lovely and then all of a sudden become bitchy, judgemental harridans.

I don't know if it's partly borne out of a fear of regaining the weight and being back to one a 'fat person' ie if he hates it enough he'll make sure he never goes back.

He has made a huge change in himself and it's definitely worth him getting some counselling to help come to terms with it. Might be worth speaking to his bariatric team or gp to get a referral.

Horrible for you to have to put up with too.

I am NOT qualified, but have read a lot.

It sounds like projection of his own toxic shame. Toxic shame is so destructive, and often comes from poor experiences in childhood.

Why did he become overweight in the first place? It could be that the issues that caused him to over eat in the first place have never really been addressed and are still there lurking in his subconscious, until they burst out uncontrollably.

In that case, counselling is a really good idea. Surgical stuff is brilliant, but he maybe needs to develop the mindset to back it up.

As I say, I am NOT qualified.

I hope he is open to the suggestion of counselling.

I'm not psychologist, I would agree with the others and I like the term tihif used of "toxic shame"! I would say it is him projecting to the others how he feels about himself when he was fat and it is to do with fear of getting fat again, and maybe failure that he had to have an operation to control his overeating rather than having the control to stop overeating/eating poorly, I think he needs to have some therapy as he sounds like the operation didn't fix the problem that caused his overeating/poor eating in the first place and now it is coming out as he can't eat his way through his feelings, he was probably like that all along and hid it with food before!