grrrrrrr at dp - how to get him to wake up?

[laligo]

my dp is lovely and does try but he seems to be having a problem getting his head around our new responsibilities (ds is 4 months old)

this morning he said he had to get into work early (he can work flexibly); he was playing with ds and i headed off to get dressed, he said "where are you going" - i said to get up. he basically said i could have 5 mins as he was in such a hurry and had to get up himself. i got up v fast, no bath or shower, throw on mismatching clothes and hair a state, and return to ds. we then had an argument about leaving ds unguarded on changing table (i have asked dp before to be careful but he did it again this morning - nb he was not changing ds just changing his bib). then dp takes half an hour to have a nice shower and get up.

i may have 5 mins to get up because he's in a hurry, but he has time to have an argunent with me and then get up in leisurely style!

he is also a lazy git, always has been, will let bins overflow, washing pile up, etc. he will do housework if it's "his job" (eg washes dishes - so better than nothing) but not do things that are sitting around and need doing - has to be nagged.

i know this is relativey trivial but how can i get him to act more like an equal partner? it's driving me mad and i'm trying to avoid "parent-child" type relationship, but if i don't nag, nothing happens, aaaaaarrrrghhh.

With regards to getting up - next time you promise to rush, and then take your time.

With doing things round the house - I tend to just tell DH what he has to do. We sat down and discussed it ages ago, I complained that he didn't help of his own accord, and he said that he just doesn't tend to notice what needs doing. So I said that if I gave him jobs to do that it was because he "hadn't noticed" and it wasn't nagging. I tend to leave lists now .

I have noticed though that with the years of me specifically giving him jobs to do, he does so much more of his own accord now than he ever used to.

Was going to say a bucket of water gets them out of bed pretty quick but I see thats not your problem (worth keeping in mind tho).

Can only think of 3 things that prob arent going to help much and they are

1. Kick dp out to work first then take babe with you (in bouncy chair or something) while you have a nice relaxing shower/bath andget dressed. 2.get rid of the changing unit if you are so worried about it and change babe on the floor. I know it sounds drastic but its not safe for a babe to be left on it!!
2. either sit dp down and talk to him or write him a letter stating EXACTLY what the problems are NOW before it gets to the stage where you are burning with resentment and explode at him. Write a detailed list of tasks (eg not washing up but wash up, dry, put away, empty sink, wipe down sink and draining board) that need doing each day and get him to write a list of what he thinks needs doing and then compare. Should make him pick up a bit on what actually needs to be done...maybe.

I'm no expert but IME, nagging doesn't work, it just brings out every man's inner toddler. The more you nag, the more they resist & whinge.
I would definitely go for a chat and say that you been thinking of ways to make things run more smoothly in the house and then present him with a fairly short list: things for him to do & things for you to do (for yours you just list out stuff you are already doing). Also give him some appreciation when he does do stuff. Some men seem to operate better with a clapping audience.
Definitely move the changing mat, he clearly hasn't grasped the concept of your baby rolling off & he may well not - so just reposition it.
Also don't be bullied with any 5 minute nonsense - the more you buckle under, the more they will push.

thanks for all the practical suggestions so far
off out with ds now and will be mentally working on my list.

i know i contribute by letting him get away with it and subconsciously sharing his attitude that the default is that even when we are both at home, i look after ds while he takes his time... have to change that.

One bad day I turned the list into the screensaver