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Original poster

what now....?

4 replies

noniks · 15/12/2010 12:54

Long story cut short

2 months ago DH announces how miserable he is, has no idea why. Doesnt think we are moving in same direction, all the usual, its not you, its me stuff.
Wants to travel more, go out more, see mates more, and I am apparently a hermit (who works bloody hard and likes my homelife and nowt new there anyway - we've been married 11 years)

went to relate
During the next 9 weeks he veers from wnating to stay nad make it work to not and is totally unable to give me any reassurance or comfort that he loves / wnats / needs me.

Last week at relate they suggested we seperate. Big shock, but they said the way he is treating me is nothing but torture and is destroying whatrelationship we have left.

after few days he is now wnating to pull finger out and make it work,

Is this just fear /realisation of what it means......? Is he scared of leaving now it comes to it, Or has he actually genuinely woken up and doesnt want to lose me?

So mixed up - trust has been so damaged -

what to do?

OP posts:
Original poster
noniks · 15/12/2010 13:04

apologies for awful typing. Poorly sick as well as all this crap ....

OP posts:
Doigthebountyeater · 15/12/2010 13:26

Sounds like he is scared. BUT do you want him back now? He has put you through torture. If he wants to make it work, give him one last chance eg 'a year to see how it goes'. If he is back to umming and ahing after a year then you need to get rid for your own sanity. I was with someone like this (for the last year after 9 years). It was the worst year of my life, everythinh broke down (including me haha) and then even after he left I allowed him to think about coming back. Big mistake. It just prolonged the misery. You deserve to be with someone who adores you (as I am now). If he cannot provide that, tell him to piss off. I promise you will meet someone else who is more committed. Good luck.

Btw, sounds like he is having a mid life crisis or is a bit depressed. There are ways he can work through these things without having to destroy his marriage in the process, unless he thinks shagging other people is part of 'finding yourself' in which case kick him out now!

overmydeadbody · 15/12/2010 13:29

Maybe you need a trial seperation anyway? MAybe it will do you both some good, and help him make up his mind properly.

CheerfulV · 15/12/2010 13:43

Sounds like a trial separation is the only option anyway, if you really want a fresh start. Whatever the outcome, it would help.

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