H at his worst

[domeafavour]

I am just open mouthed at this mornings behaviour. Was woken up to "f"in c@unt, there's no f"in hot water,rant rant. Shouting, swearing. I asked him to lower his voice to not wake up ds, "I dontgive a fuck, I just want some hot water c@unt.
He has to have a chat with his big boss this morning, so he's stressed, but that is just ridiculous. It's actually about a promotion
Then, I've got no f"in cufflinks up here, er no, because you take them off downstairs every day and leave them there. Then mumbled something about this f"in country.

I'm going to try and see if I can find a solicitor around work and see if I can go in lunchtime. Was waiting til the new year, but I can't do this.

Am with Anyfucker and Lorelei.

But if this is common parlance in your household, maybe it's not the right reaction for you. If this is the case however I think you need to look at why you think this is ok for you and your son to hear.

Are you ringing solicitors today Dome?

I have a well paid job, my own flat, a house in joint names. I can afford mortgage or rent. He will pay me a substantial monthly payment.
He can get a flat or go live in a hotel. I don't care if he doesn't get to see ds, it's his own fault. Once I confront him he will want to move to the other side of the world.
Incidentally, he had chat with boss re his new role, could be in Sydney or London.

I had a consultation with them had to pay something I do believe

They are based at London Bridge

www.anthonygold.co.uk/site/srvindividuals/srvind_familylaw/srvind_familylaw_family_relationship_legal_advice_clinic.html

they were ok but seemed to suggest a 50/50 split of equity but in the end think my exh felt quite guilty so gave me more than that (still not enough to buy a new property though)

I did the divorce myself and we have a private agreement for maintenance - he pays me 20% of his net salary - its not really enough tbh but does follow the CSA guidelines - I think from April 2011 this is changing though to a percentage of gross salary.

OK then - get the wheels in motion. Book appt with solicitor and start proceedings. Carpe diem and all that!

Can recommend good divorce lawyer in London.... not the cheapest option, but will look after you well. PM me if you are interested....

sorry to hear you are going through this, i can help you with a few facts as i am currently going through a separation, most solicitors give 30 mins free advice, so jot down some questions to ask and take them with you, , in my area (the west country) the average rate per hour for a solicitor is £160+vat-£230+vat per hour, i have just got the full legal aid certificate, it took 6 weeks to come through and the new government are trying to stop it now even for divorce cases, so dont hang about if you think you will be entitled to it, book an appointment with CAB, and see what advice they can give you, and there is a charity based website called Turn2US which will give you impartial advice about the benefit system and what you may be entitled to, i found them very helpful, and it seems 16 hours work a week or more is the key amount to entitle you to working tax credits, below that you dont get much help, unless you are a SAHM, and the first monday in jan when the kids go back to school has been nicknamed DIVORCE DAY, by solicitors etc as this is their busiest day of the year, so if you know you need to seperate i would get in b4 this IMO hope this helps, good luck

thanks oringina and susiedaisy.
But how much work do they actually do?
how much do they end up billing you for?

I have a solicitor for a property issue I had, and I know they have a family/divorce solicitor also.
Just phoned them and the bloody reception couldn't hear me!!

I have no idea, I would guess that someone at partner level will do some of the work, and that they will also get their team/assistant to do some of the work too.....

Might be worth calling someone and talking through the process w them. It's important to know what you are letting yourself in for. If there are any specific issues you are anticipating (custody battle, someone who won't want to pay, who will hide assets or will lie about their income, etc), they could be mentioned in advance as well, to give the lawyer and idea of what they might be up against.

If DH is going to be difficult about it and arm himself w heavy hitting lawyer, you would be best trying to pre-empt him. Best of luck.

domeafavour, you sound like you have discovered something tday that has absolutely crystallised your standpoint

if it something illegal, or finacially dodgy, you need to speak to a solicitor right now and dissociate yourself from him
ASAP

in Crystal palace Charges £200 an hour but comes recommended by several friends.

Oh domeafavour I've seen a few of your threads now, I'm so sorry you're going through this. You are totally doing the right thing sorting this out NOW, you deserve so much better. New year, new start :)

i am the petitioner (the one who filed for divorce) and my solicitor has told me their cost will be between 3-5 thousand pounds, we have one property 2 kids and a car, and no one is contesting the divorce, i have a full legal aid certificate to cover the costs, but legal aid is a loan not a gift and so i will eventually have to pay most of it back, however if you both decide to split and live apart for 2 years i think it can be done alot cheaper than this, other posters may have more info,

Thanks for all the divorce advice.

If it all goes to plan and I play my cards right, he will do everything I say, but there is still a chance that once he knows I have been planning this, that it will turn nasty.

AF, nothing ilegal don't worry, but yes I did find something and it has completely disgusted me. I am horrified at myself for being married to someone capable of this sort of behaviour. Sorry I know I'm being cryptic but I don't think I will ever be able to tell anyone this.

If you bear in mind the lapdancing thread maybe that will give you an idea.

ok, didn't mean to pry, dome

if it is something along the lines I am thinking, then I am glad you have found out and I hope it strengthens your resolve even more

I really, really don't like your husband, and I haven't even met him

you can do better than this

not prying at all AF!
he was out last night, I slept in spare room.
He's been asking why, is everything ok? do i have to worry about anything?
I just brushed it off, said I fell asleep with DS and that room was nearer.
I need to confront him, but just wanted to get through to the weekend when his friend is here, and I will have back up.

His mum had her operation today, feel a bit bad about that.
she is going to be devastated, she loves me!
but I think she understands what he is like.
That must be really hard for a mum to admit that your son is horrible

Have a solicitors appt for Monday, talked through it a bit and she is not going to charge me, I didn't even ask about the money, she offered. They specialise in doing things amicably!!
She was lovely, it's right by work.

you can still have a good relationship with your MIL, people do

good luck with the solicitor

now keep your head down and don't get dragged into any discussions/arguments you are not ready for until it suits you and you know where you stand