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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I be missing him?

2 replies

scarlotti · 12/12/2010 21:52

DH and I are on a trial separation, it's been about a month so far. We've been in relate (this time around) for a year and nothing was changing, so I suggested some space for us to not constantly live in a stressful situation and for him to grow up a little - relate lady put it very well when she said he needed to go from being like a teenager to an adult.
We have 3 dc's (DD is his stepDD) - DS'(5 and 1) taking this in their stride, DD (16) struggling a little more as she understands a lot more. Her response to whether things would work out was telling - 'that would mean that Dad would have to make an effort'.

I am much happier now as the house is calm, DS1 is much better behaved as he's not reacting subconsciously to the stress, home is a happier place to be for us. I don't really miss him - he didn't do much at all around the house so nothing really to miss, but I don't really miss his company either.

Is this just the after effect of the stress going away or is the writing on the wall? He asked me earlier if I still loved him, and I don't know tbh. How on earth am I supposed to work out what to do long term, or will it become obvious over time?

Any advice gratefully recieved

OP posts:
QueenGigantaurofMnet · 12/12/2010 21:58

I think if you still aren't missing him after a month then that tells you a lot.

scarlotti · 12/12/2010 22:12

That's what I was wondering ... hard to see clearly when you're stuck in the middle of it. He's coming to stay for Christmas and I guess I'm trying to avoid any difficult conversations before then so as not to spoil it for everyone.
I please others to the detriment of myself at times.

OP posts:
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