Why is he pushing me to my limit? Is life REALLY worth living?

[loulounz]

I really CANNOT take much more from him!

Just had chat with Solicitor - the W@anker is pleading poverty and withdrawn his original ridiculous offers to me - he now wants a fight!

I haven't done anything to him for him to be unreasonable apart from not get out of OUR home quick enough for him! I have nowhere else to go or I would have gone the day he walked out! I'm totally dependant on him financially and he knows it - can't even get legal aid because he pays the bills etc and they class that as my income! I don't have any money to even pay for my solicitor - he said he would because he wants the divorce but now I think he'll retract that as well!

WHAT AM I GOING TO DO????

Doesn't he realise that what hurts me hurts his dd's financially? Surely he realises I need a roof over my head to care for them? The so called wonderful caring man who said he would provide for his dd's and give me everything he has got is showing his true colours now!!! The shit thing is that he can play F'ing silly prats with me and "F" me up totally but STILL get all the access he wants to his dd's!? Where's the justice in that?!

I HATE MYSELF, I HATE HIM, I HATE THIS SHIT LIFE -HE REALLY IS PUSHING ME TO MY LIMITS - HIM AND HIS FAMILY ARE MUCH TOO STRONG FOR ME TO FIGHT AGAINST. I'M REALLY HAVING MORE DOWN DAYS THAN I CAN COPE WITH ...........................

Notmeaning to be flippant but with all those down days... the only way is up!! - and you will get there. Have been where you are (albeit a fair few years ago now)and I couldn't tell which way was up some days but you do come out of it much stronger. Have you family or friends living near that can give you some support?

so sorry to hear this cant offer much advice, cause luckly dont have to go through this with my ex, the house was mine before we met...

But keep your chin up, you are doing better than you think, i know how hard it is, i have cried dont know how many times today, but everyone keeps telling me it will get easier, so it must do eventually!!!!!

I can't offer advice or anything as I have to run out to collect DD, but I do want to say that YES, without a doubt life is worth living. He's a turd, yes, his family appear to be morons, but you still have your DD's. Keep strong for them. x

loulounz, get a solicitor and have the costs taken out of the shared assets at the final settlement.
I would seriously consider going for a "Financial Dispute Resolution" (FDR) - but you must, must, MUST discuss this with a solicitor. With an FDR you are allocated a day in your nearest family court. It is very unalarming, just a small room with a judge and a clerk and whoever is representing you both. By the time you get to court, you & your H will have both completed a Form E, disclosing all your financial details & then you have to tell the Judge that you haven't been able to resolve your situation. He will tell you to bugger off for a set period and try and resolve matters and then if you still haven't settled you go back to court and the Judge will look at all the facts and suggest what might be reasonable.
The court's priority is to ensure that your children are adequately housed and that includes their primary carer too. Do not let him bully you.
Please go & see a solicitor.

Message withdrawn

Thanks for all your comments.

I have a solicitor but she says she can't advise me properly until all his finances have been disclosed - ie pension etc. Will ask about FDR though. Just want closure ASAP on this whole mess. Can't understand why he wants to pick a fight - apart from him not getting his own way!

Can't believe the cheek of him pleading poverty - he's in a well paid job, and has had very large bonuses over last few months - some/most of which should have covered paying off his debt?!!! Hope a judge sees all this - don't know what he's doing with his money unless he's lavishly splashing out on his new girlfriend, oh yes, and all the new boys toys he's buying!

He is so selfish it's unbelievable - all he wants to do is pay his debts off he ran up when he left and get himself a house (that will accommodate the dd's! - can see what's coming next!! but I would rather DIE!)

Anyone know where I can just disappear to?

ggglimpopo - e-mailed u back, did you receive it?

Message withdrawn

Message withdrawn

If you go for FDR, it will have to be full disclosure. You get to see everything, copies of bank statements, credit card statements, pension entitlements, pay slips - absolutely everything.
It is well worth doing and a remarkably straightforward process.
Will probably put the "willies" up your H too, if he gets a letter from your solicitor saying that you are requesting an FDR.
Take all that emotion and resentment & make it work for you. Get mad as hell.

Also, you need to start working out what all your monthly outgoings are. Again you will have to think of everything: utility bills, food bills, clothing, toys, presents, transport etc etc etc. Definitely err on the side of more, rather than less because often they ask you to see where you can economise.
You should do this anyway, otherwise whatever course of action you take - you won't know exactly how much you need to survive on.