I've sat up all night reading the Lundy Bancroft Book and

[funkingcart]

my XH is a water torturer with a bit of Mr perfect thrown in

I am trying to co-parent with this man.

Has anyone got any tips? After reading the book I think its going to be exceedingly difficult.

And I can also recognise in myself the damage he's done. Any tips for that?

I found it very catharthic to read. It made me understand WHY i stayed with an abusive man and comforted me. I still dip into it because Bancroft confirms that abuse IS NOT OUR FAULT. He's a man who truly respects women.

My ex, during his sorry phases, would try and excuse his behaviour by blaming his own childhood and his circumstances that had made him the way he is. He would also blame his mental health. The book made me see this for the lies that they were; that it was all part of the script. The hardest thing for me was to forgive myself (my mother thinks I'm responsible and thinks I should have just told him to stop [umm] - she is a whole thread of her own) and to stop carrying guilt that I had somehow failed - this book really helped me do that.
I'm far more open to my emotions now than I was with him, I wasn't allowed to cry, I had to suppress what I was feeling. I'm wondering Funkingcart whether you now actually feel more free and are starting to acknowledge you true feelings.

I didn't mean "forgive myself", I meant to say "not blame myself" - time for sleep I think.

Brilliant book and I would highly recommend reading that rather than wasting more energy trying to "fix" it all?

Why don't you buy it for yourself for Xmas?!
(for those of you who haven't yet but want to)

And make 2011 the year you decide what YOU want in YOUR life?

Empower yourself or give it all away to someone who doesn't deserve it and is running you around in circles?!

Or do you want to look back 5 or 10 years down the line and think !! Should've done that!