falling out of love?

[mummysgoingmad]

I don't know what to do any more and i desperately need some advice.
In June i had a termination which has been the catalyst for the way I'm feeling i think.

Ever since i had the termination i cant bear the thought of sex with him and dislike being touched or kissed. I still like him and some days i think yes i do love you, but others he just does my head in completely for no real reason and i think I'm better off on my own.

He asked me last night about why I've been so distant and i didn't have the heart to say either I'm falling out of love with you or I'm still grieving for the child we could of had. We both agreed to have the termination as we weren't financially, mentally or physically ready for another baby.

I feel so angry all the time for little or no reason. I still enjoy his company i just don't want to be touched in anyway shape or form which I realise is damaging our relationship.

Basically if you cant stand to be touched by your partner does that mean that you must be falling out of love with them?

IMHO in your case, it sounds to me like deep inside yourself you are avoiding another pregnancy, which is understandable, not that I have ever had a termination!

Did the previous pregnancy happen with failed contraception?

Have you had any therapy for previous termination?

hugs x

Oh, poor both of you :(

You've made a connection in your own mind between your termination and your current intimacy problem. I think you need to open this subject with him, and also find yourself a counsellor. Was DP a major factor in your decision to terminate?

As this feeling has only happened since your termination, it could very well be linked to grief/guilt/depression rather than genuinely falling out of love with your partner.

You really might benefit from a few sessions with a counsellor. Your GP or place where you got the termination done should be able to refer you to a place so you can talk this through.

It may be the reason, i honestly don't. Yes my 1st pregnancy was due to the pill not working, i was offered counselling at the time but thought i didn't need i would be ok i have since changed doctors as i moved so i don't know if this would still be an option?

Counselling would def still be an option even if you have changed GP.

There are other independent advice lines etc for people who have had terminations - google and I'm sure a few will come up or else your local Family Planning Clinic might be able to refer/advise you.

Did you feel this way towards your partner/husband before the termination? If not, please don't under estimate the effect that a termination can have on you, even if it is on a subconcious level.

No we were blissfully happy, i honestly thought i was coping ok, and put it down to the depo injection that they gave me once i had the termination, i thought it must lower your sex drive. But the more i think about it, it doesn't explain why i don't even want him to kiss me or even touch me, it literally makes my skin crawl. i love him from a distance IYKWIM, i can see he's nervous about what to say to me know in case i snap at him, or say something totally "not me" which is why i thought i must of been falling out of love with him, and maybe the termination was just the beginning of the end.

the termination was both our decision, we talked about it in length and he told me countless times that even though he thought it was for the best that we terminate if i decided to keep the baby he would be 100% behind it and support us as best he could even if that meant he would have to work 3 jobs to support us.

It could very well be the depo injection then. I had the injection about 6-7 yrs ago and went straight off sex. IMO, no wonder its a flipping contraceptive as it made me not want to have sex at all! As its hormonal, it could also be effecting your moods i.e feelings of irritation. For me, having the depo effected me greatly at the time and turned me into a non-sexual irrational bitch.

Different strokes for different folks, some people find depo works great for them but it was def not for me.

If you feel you don't need to talk to anyone about the termination at least explore other contraceptive options with your GP. Would you consider the coil which is non-hormonal?

I really do think at the moment that there are other issues/factors which could be affecting the way you feel towards you partner rather than it being that you are genuinely falling out of love with him.

Agree with posters. I also think you may want to explore other contraception. I had an IUD after my termination (had two DDs). A fried of mine's hubby opted for the snip.

It took a lot of pressure off. This isn't uncommon to feel like this after a termination. I definitely recommend counseling or even exploring your feelings with a close friend. It took me ages not to feel guilty, even though I knew it was the right decision.

it's hard, be kind to yourself. Also I would recommend talking to your partner and explaining how you feel. Sometimes, just sharing the burden helps lessen it.

x

I had a termination in my early twenties and went off my rocker a bit. Not suggesting you are.

The termination is now something that I regret and afterwards I "tortured" my partner in so many different ways for us not keeping the baby.

We are now married and have 2 beautiful children.

I had put the terminatin to the back of my mind for years and never really thought of it again until I had my first child and all those ugly feelings came back.

I think you need counselling. Just because you both agreed to termination and it was the best decision for your family it doesn't make it easier to deal with.

Best of luck x

We have 3 children not 2.