Sex!

[LittleDonkin]

I had my first baby 8 weeks ago and my husband and I have just had a bit of an argument about when we think our sex life will resume as he is wanting it. I really dont feel like it my libido has gone AWOL! Its a shock for me not to be up for it as we were always a sexual couple right up to our DD being born. I was wondering how others have dealt with this.

I think people are extremely lucky if they ever get back to 'how it was before'!!!

It is really tricky, and my DH and I still have issues with it - our DD is 2!

Other mums I know are all in the same boat - you're definately not alone!!!

Just give it a go and see how you feel. Stop if you want. Or crack on if it's going well. It's a suck it and see situation I'm afraid! Pardon the pun!!

I just feel awful saying i dont want to have sex as i love him and dont want to upset him.

I am breastfeeding and i believe that this can affect libido????

Does he not feel awful at the thoughts of you having sex when you aren't ready for it?

I understand littledonkin I think sometimes a bit of back to basics helps in these circumstances I.e. Like teenagers bit tentative, lots of talking and reassuring. Start of with some lovely cuddles, feeling up and snogs...see where it goes and the talking part helps because he will know you want to but you're worried so if it's too much it doesn't matter. Intimacy is the key here not sex!

we have cuddles, snogs and a bit of touching in bed but then i sort of stop it as i dont want to go any further as if i let it go on for a while i think the hubby will think we are going to have sex.

Ok...well think about and talk about why you don't want to go any further that should be your first step. I had a third degree tear with my first, so was understandably nervous and not totally convinced of my contraceptive, which was the mini pill the first time around. And we had a very tentative first go at 6 weeks with DS met to the bed poor boy! Second baby, no tear, 10 days in and DH went to buy milk. I asked him casually if he could get some condoms...and red wine of he went. Very doubtful. But it was fine. Seriously, the longer you leave things and the less you talk the harder it is. Hugs my love, I totally understand x

*next

I was back in action 2 weeks after I had my first baby as I wanted it and he wanted to wait. Dh is not really the type to moan too much about sex although it has come up from time to time, the topic that is.

Maybe I should have waited as I had my second baby when my first was just 10.5 months old.

Agree with flinginnflangin that the longer you leave things the harder it is. Quite literally ha ha

This is a really really common thing and I doubt it's breastfeeding affecting your libido.

I disagree that it will be harder the longer you leave it, but you do need to talk to your DH.

I think approaching it slowly is a really good idea. So speak to your DH - tell him you do hope your sex life will return to it's former glory (although you have to remember you will both be tired/grumpy/not want to do it as much anyway!) but you want to take it slowly. Start off with just kissing and work up one stage at a time to full sex. Don't set a timetable, just move up a stage when you feel ready. Firstly, it takes the pressure off, and secondly it allows you to explore each other and try new things which should get you both going.

If you keep talking to him and explain you are happy to go to X stage but you don't feel ready for full sex just at the moment he won't feel unloved (unless he really doesn't care about your feelings) - good luck :)