Have I lost a friend?

[iwassoneedy]

Briefly- was very needy for a couple of years and think a friend may have got sick of me. Only known her about 5 years- I used to support her, her life turned out okay and I have been through a bad patch with men for a couple of years.
I think she has been distancing herself...and it's because I had problems moving on over a guy...she was supportive but guess she would think "Oh no, not this again" as I did talk about it a lot when we met.

Never saw her that much- maybe once every couple of months- but she ignored a birthday card and email I sent a while back, and has not replied to another email 3 weeks back.

Not sure whether to email her again and say sorry for the past whining if that has distanced us- or if that just makes me look even more intense and needy.

Yes, leave it alone. Lots of people come and go over the years, and the one's worth chasing don't bother chasing you, and vise versa.

There are 6 billion people on the planet. You can afford to be picky.

I agree, wouldn't bother chasing her, you've made an effort. You will make new friends.

I have a friend who is great company, but is very stoical herself and has no patience for listening to people going on and on as she deals pretty much with her feelings without talking about them very much. Maybe your friend is similar.

Having said that I used to go on about my men problems and must have bored my friends!

no- she dosn't sound like a friend.

Thanks- I just feel very uilty over it all.

She was in the middle of a divorce when we met and had a few years of bad relationships following it- I sympathised but then had my own man problems ( minor in comparison really) which I talked about too much when we did meet- and by then her life had picked up and she as found a lovely partner.

Because she was such a good nonjudgemental listener I feel I over stepped the mark- and because we were relatively recent friends she didn't tell me to belt up and get a grip which is what my other friends of 25 years would say!

I think I came across to her as very self centred and a bit loopy- but that was mainly because she got to know mne during a particularly emotional period of my life. Friends who have known me longer would see it as a blip!

I really miss her, but she seems to have cut contact.

mabe you need to do councelling.

she'a a fair weather friend andd has used you.

I don't think she was a fair weather friend, I just think she didn't have the history with you to put up with the needy blip. I think you need a good amount of time behind you in a friendship before you can get away with lots of neediness.

New friendships need careful nurturing, and in that time it's preferable to get some good times behind you before you start to use them as shoulders to cry on repeatedly.

Why not send her a Christmas card and thank her for all her support and say that you are in a much better place now, much happier etc (if you are?!) and that it would be great to catch up for coffee in the New Year.

I don't think she has used me, TBH. But I do think that now that her life is great she is being selective about who she spends her time with and it aint me.

I got very "stuck" and developed an obsession almost on a guy who blew hot and cold so I never knew where I was. Obviously when we met for a coffee ( every few weeks) there would invariably have to be an update on this... and I was unhappy.

Don't get me wrong- the conversation was never totally 1 sided-I listened to her too , but there is no doubt that I needed her listening ear.

I have already sent the Xmas card and thought about puting a line in it, but didn't as I thought that made it all about me again!

May drop her a line in NY if she doesn't contact/send card back.

I just feel angry with myself as I really cared about her and feel I messed up. We aren't youngsters either- both 40s/50s.

Sorry but she's made it clear she doesn't want to be friends any more and you should respect that. I wouldn't contact her again. Learn from it and move on.

tsc

I'd just move on, OP. If she wanted you back in her life, she'd have replied to the contact you made. You can't just go on and on and on at her in hopes you'll wear her down. Not healthy. Move on.