Reporting childhood abuse wwyd.

[wwydwiththis]

Well long story short at 14 I was abused sexually for about a year, by a blood relative, several incidents when I couldn't avoid being alone with him until I finally told someone.

It's fair to say it's screwed up my early adult life and I never had help dealing with it but I feel ok now.

Anyway half the family, so my immediate disowned him straight away and never hear of him. The other half have carried on as normal Visiting, staying, bringing him up in conversation.

Anyway I was ok with it being swept under the carpet, it suited me as I forgot about it if you like.

But he has just gone on to have a child later in life when I thought that risk was eliminated.

Now I am a woman and a mum the thought sickens me, and I'd never forgive myself if me not acting on this meant he had done this again. But now he has a child the risks have multiplied especially when they reach teen years and have plenty of friends around etc.

What makes it worse is the woman he is with was with him when the revalation happened, she knows what he is accused of, but obvioulsy buries her head or thinks it's all my doing.

But after a conversation this morning, I am seriously thinking of reporting it, I know after this time things won't happen but at least it's on record somewhere so if things come pouring out later, then I can help and see these people if it happens are believed, does that make sense?

I don't care about family issues my immediates will support me, I know they will but will I just be laughed out of the station. I know family wide it will cause issues. Has anyone done this and seen the fallout who can tell me, or did they let sleeping dogs lie.

Oh and please don't torment me with the risk he is to children, I know all that, I am just wondering if the fallout etc, what happens if the police even log it after all this time.

WWYD, I will be back tonight to check this thread.

I think you know what you want to do, and I think your fear for that child's safety will make your decision easier. Best of luck.

if the revelatioon was made when you were 14 then it wont be a shock to anyone. people will want to know why you have done it now, rather than years ago but i think most will accept that youhave good reason.

I think that you could have a talk to the police before taking it further. i am sure they can talk you through the process and what, if anything can be done.
that way you will be able to decide whether it is worth the pain it will cause.

When I was 14 my brother attempted intercourse with me twice. This was afer years of abuse.

I really don't know what to say to you, I suppose I have no real advice as I have never gone to the police and the only person who knows the truth is my mother. I lnoy told my mother as my brother and his girlfriend had recently had a baby girl and I felt that it was my responsibilty to let his girlfriend and everyone else know what he was capable of. My sister knows that something went on but does not know anything specific.

Why did you think that the risk of having a child was eliminated?

The risk of him abusing someone else has always been there. He didn't turn into a paeodphile (sp) when he had a child of his own. When you were 14 you were only a child yourself and he should have been brought to justice then. Did anyone ask you if you wanted the police involved at the time?

I'm pretty sure that if you go to the police now they will take you seriously and he may be arrested, charged etc on your say so.

What happened to me as a child has affected parts of my life and when I have had to think about the abuse I admit I do my hardest to put it to the back of my mind and I have let sleeping dogs lie.

wwyd - last September I drove 800 miles to go and make a statement to the police about abuse that happened 40 years ago. They were lovely. The ds I saw was really kind - we'd already had several phone conversations and were on first name terms by the time I went to see her. She had been unable to get permission for 2 officers to go out of their area to get my statement. Unfortunately, in my case, the new time limits couldn't be used and they had to use the ones in force at the time of the offences, so nothing was done. However, the 2 offenders still alive and under 90, were both arrested and questioned under caution, and one is a vicar, the other went into nursing.

I had tortured myself with the Soham murders about how I would feel if it later came out that they had committed other offences. However, I didn't feel safe to do anything until I was no longer in the UK.

So, I can understand you feeling that you want to do something to protect the child he has, or others, but at the same time feel scared. Fwiw, when you report it, you are given a log number, it's only after you have signed a statement that you have a crime number. There was a local charity, not rape crisis or victim support who offered to come to the station with me, but somehow I went on my own.

I don't know it it would help you, but I had already sent a written account to the police, containing everything I could think of that was actionable - there was quite a lot - the abuse, procuring for abuse, will fraud, defamation, signing a death cert knowing that some of the information was false. So, in the end they just sort of picked the best, most likely to succeed, bits.

Hope that helps - good luck. If you are any where Birkenhead, the female ds there is lovely.

I reported my foster mother and her son for the years of abuse that I endured when I was a child. The police were great and really supported me, but the CPS weren't interested in a prosecution because of lack of evidence. Unless they have either a reliable witness or dna/physical evidence they're not interested.

They did interview the foster mother and her son at length several times and it'll have caused them a lot of stress. It did help me get things out of my system and send a message to them that I wasn't keeping their dirty secrets anymore, but it was stressful and depressing whilst I was going through it.

I think the police would take it seriously. They would talk to you at your own pace and then you have a chance to decide if you want to pursue it once you find out exactly what that entails and only then would anyone else be spoken to. So you can take the first steps now and see how you feel about it being taken further. You have the support of your immediate family and that is so important.

I reported three paedos older men who took advantage of me when I was aged 14-16 when I was 20. My family didn't know anything about it and still don't as I never took it any further than the original chat with family protection dept (long story but part of it was that one of the guys was ex police and the woman I spoke to happened to have worked with him - funilly enough she never called me back to take things further when she said she would and I lost confidence to go back to them about it). I still worry about them doing the same to other girls. But I just don't have the strength to do anything about it just now.

Draw on the support of your family and be strong and stand up to your abuser. Even if it doesn't go anywhere it may make others who stood by him more wary and keep an eye on his child and others.

What I meant by eliminated, is I thought he'd never have kids as he was getting older, ad older, seemed not interested so I thought it was a non issue.

Now he has one, I am imagining the scenario....teens around for a sleep over etc. I'd never forgive myself if I hadn't said something.

I didn't report it at the time as my family thought it would be bad for me, I agreed. Can you imagine telling your family sexual stuff at that age, let alone knowing the wrongness of it, the fear?

I have never confronted it and never will. It happened, I knew it was highly wrong and I was devatated, he was my closest male relative apart from my dad, he infact stepped in where my dad failed.

I know it screwed me up, I know it was bad, it annoys me some relatives go on as normal. My life isn't normal, I view everything with suspicion and fear, I feel I have to justify affection to others children as I know what adults are capable off, sounds nutty dosen't it.

I can't let it happen to another child and since I found out he has had a child, just, it's consumng me with guilt for not coming forward, I have too. Thanks for your responses.