Never ever thought i would say this, but i think i want to leave him.

[brokeoven]

I am not sure if i have depression and that is clouding my mind.
But
I am just so fed up with everything.
Feel like a dogs body, just here to cook, clean wash iron etc.

He has been away all week, and came back last night and the house is a tip already, his crap everywhere.

He just said to me, if i dont like it, theres a suit case there, get out.
Feel like i want to go.

Ds is 7, what would that do him poor little thing.
Dh is a nice man, we have been very very happy for 17 years. I just dont feel anything but irritation with him and every thing he does.

I feel, well, desperately sad all of the time at the moment.
My job is at risk, due to cut backs and old age has hit me for the first time ever i feel 40.

Ive gota friend i could go to, not far from here. But confused about if it would be the right thing to do.

Sorry you are feeling like this. It sounds like a miserable time.

It sounds to me like you and your DH need to have a proper talk. Do you really think he meant that you should leave or do you think it was just the heat of the moment thing? Tell him how down you are feeling - maybe his reaction was to the fact that he knows you are unhappy generally and doesn't understand why? Maybe he thinks you want to leave and is trying to figure out whether you do or not. Is he generally kind and thoughtful or does he normally not take criticism well?

If you think you might be depressed then make an appointment with the doctors.

I wouldn't rush to leave without talking properly and trying to find out what is going wrong.

I was in a very similar position a year ago.

Please go and see your doctor.

Best of luck to you.

boohoo what happened in the end?
Was it all ok with your dh/dp?

Dh is normally lovely, he is a very nice man.
I jsut have no tollerance at the moment which is why i am thinking that i may be depressed, nothing interests me and i am intollerant of allot (except for ds of course)

I jsut have feeling of wanting to run away from it all

He knows there is something wrong, he is getting down about it, i can tell.

I just dont know what is wrong with me. I think its a load of things but nothing in particular.

Am i just taking this out on him, or is he the cause of it?

Final straw was the problems with work recently. Prior to that i worked long hours, sacrificed some of my home life i have to admit.

It seems that i am not needed professionally and all i feel i am needed for at home is as a dogs body.

I just seem to tidy and clean up after everyone every minute of every day at home.
I cant just sit down on the sofa without having to move other peoples crap out of my way to get a clear spot to sit.

Its been 12 months since my 5th miscarriage and we so wanted another child. But that is now fucking stupid if this is how i feel.
I have always considered myself lucky in life, i am compared to many, but sometimes the bad things just get overwhelming and too much and unfair and i feel like i have been shut into a dark room.

dont know what to do for the best.

he has gone out with ds, i could pack a few things up, write a note and be gone before he gets home. save any confontations.

Im not sure that my friend would let me stay with her.

jeez i never ever thought i would be even thinking these things, never mind planning them.

Sorry that you're feeling like this. It is awful, but you need to try to take back some control over your situation. Get a doctor's appointment for as soon as possible next week and talk these things through with your GP. You do sound depressed IMO, and when you are suffering it's hard to see what's the cause and what's the consequence of the way you feel. Try to remember that the way you are feeling now won't, and can't last forever, even though it may feel that way at the moment.

Your DH saying that you can 'just leave' really isn't acceptable. Was this out of the blue or a culmination of tensions/arguments?

no argument, just his way of letting me know he is fed up with it. I havent discussed the way i am feeling with him at all, so he is guessing, he knows there is something worng, but bless him, he isnt a mind reader.
I feel locked in, unable to talk to ANY ONE about this, which is why my posts are long, boring and rambling. Im kinda pouring it all out on here.

Thansk for your words, i feel very alone (my own doing i know)

Hi

I'm quite new to these boards but reading your post I just had to leave you a message. Please don't leave right now while your dh and ds are out. From reading your post it sounds to me like you do have depression. I have been like this too and what seems rational and acceptable to you will seem like a strange and upsetting decsion to others.

You need to sit down with your dh and talk and also seek help and advice from your gp. When I finally got to articulating my problems - all those things that build up to a massive mental block that you can't get past - I felt relieved. Not better, but relieved that it had been said and that, hopefully, I could begin to gain some perspectve on things.

My depression was not hard for me to fix and I know that others have it terribly but I do honestly believe that the first step to helping yourself in this situation to talk.

Take care

How many of the below do you feel right now?

Lacking energy or feeling particularly tired
Feeling more tearful
Not wanting to talk or be with people
Not wanting to do things you usually enjoy
Eating, drinking or sleeping more or less than usual
Using alcohol or drugs to cope with feelings
Finding it hard to cope with everyday things
Feeling restless and agitated

Not liking or taking care of yourself or feeling you don?t matter

Thanks hollywood, what you say makes sense to me.
I had pnd and went onto antid's. They helped me, but the withdrawl symptoms were awful.
Im going to go to the GP on Monday, i will tell dh thats what i am doing when he comes home.

not sure what i am doing but feel i need some help to see through it all.

most of the above (Except drugs & alcohol..dont drink and only pop occasional paracetamol for headaches!!)

I actively avoid people, ive got very good at it.
feel overwhelmed most of the time, no interest in Christmas, could happily not do it this yera.

It's not your own doing! Sometimes things just get too shit and feel overwheming, especially when you're generally down. It's horrible, but it does happen, and IS NOT your fault. Feeling totally 'locked in' is normal IME, that's the nasty thing about depression: when you need help the most, you're the least likely to be able to ask for it.

Like you say, it seems as if your DH is lost for what to do, and sometimes other people get upset and frustrated for us on our behalf but just don't know what to do/help. Could you ask your DH to drop your DS off at your mum's for a bit or something and then come home for a proper chat with you? What about going out for a nice walk together? Don't worry if you don't feel you can express yourself very well, but try and explain things as best as you can to him? You'll might well find him to be a massive support. Try to focus first on how you feel and work outwards from there...don't pressurise yourself into thinking that you need to have answers.

I'm glad that that's your decision (to stay and to seek halp from GP). Sorry to hear you had PND but you do know from that experience that feeling like you do can be fixed. I wonder if this time you might be able to avoid the antid's by making some lifestyle changes, if you are worried about the side effects of the tablets.

Make sure you sit down tonight, tv off etc and have a proper conversation with your DH. He will probably be relived to hear you talk ( I know my DH just didn't 'get' why I was behaving that way until I literally broke down one night, but it made sense when I told all).

Wishing you well and let us know how you get on.

wea ctually have no help or support with ds, so it will be best to wait till he is in bed tonight.

I need to start at the biginning, and get the medication that i know works well for me.

I can forsee tough times ahead with my job, so i need to get the strength from what works for me.
From there i will be able to see clearly i am sure.

Fucking depression is just soul draining

It just lays a heavy black cloak over you, then those around you then everything that has meaning to you, it sucks the life out of you.

It does, so many of us know exactly how it feels...se keep coming on here to let stuff out. Completely agree with hollywood, your DH will probably be very relieved. How long until they get back? Do you have an understanding friend you could call or do you not feel up to it? Do you have a nice park nearby you could have a good stomp around before it gets dark? Know these arn't great suggestions but its not nice to be stuck at home alone when you're not feeling great.

I'm glad you are going to the Drs first.

It is a HUGE thing to realise that having spent so much of your time/energy at work, that is isn't actually needed. It is a real shock to the system and shouldn't be underestimated - by anyone.

If you DH is as lovely as you say he is, he should understand that you do not want to be there as a 'dogs body' and that he has to pull his weight around the house - not leave it like a tip for you to clean/tidy. Although if he is naturally messy and you aren't it's not so clear cut because it's not that he is expecting you to do these things - just that he doesn't see the need to do them so doesn't - you need to find a compromise that you can both live with and make sure DS is picking up after himself. I am quite strict with this and can't believe how much my friends allow their children to get away with (just leaving a mess in their wake etc).

Is there anything you can do about the work situation?

Oh - when you said you don't know if your friend would let you stay or not - why wouldn't she?

Its an awkward position, she would have every right to say no.

work issues, are huge. will tackle them next week.

"He just said to me, if i dont like it, theres a suit case there, get out.
Feel like i want to go."

GO!!

"Dh is a nice man"

NO HE'S NOT. Nice men don't say 'if you don't like it, there's a suitcase there, get out"

I can imagine a nice man saying that if he was at the end of his tether.

OP, you do sound depressed. Glad you're getting help.