Moral Dilemma ... am i being plain mean? (Sorry - a bit long)

[spacemonkey]

I've got a bit of a sticky situation with dp and would appreciate some advice from you wise mumsnetters.

A while ago my dp introduced me to his boss to discuss some freelance work I could do for them. Because it is dp's employer, I put quite a lot of time and effort into preparing a proposal for them, offered free unbiased advice, and even did some work for them for nothing on the understanding that paid work would result from it.

Having prepared a detailed proposal and sent it to dp's boss I heard nothing - not even an acknowledgement. Then a couple of weeks ago I discovered that they had employed someone to do the work I was going to do for them.

I felt pretty aggrieved about this - it's not that I'm angry about not getting the work - you win some, you lose some - it's that dp's boss was so rude in not acknowledging my proposal, not even a quick email to say "thanks but no thanks". To be honest, it made my blood boil!

Anyway, a couple of weeks ago, dp asked me if I could make him an application to track stock in the warehouse he runs (I'm a web developer). Of course I agreed to do it because I want to help him and make his life easier (he's having a hellish time at work at the moment, leaving at 6am and coming home at 8 or 9pm). However - when I thought about it I started feeling really bitter and twisted about doing free work for the company that couldn't be bothered to thank me, let alone reimburse me, for the time I had spent helping them before.

I spoke to dp about it and said that I would do it to help him, but under no circumstances would I put the company's logo on it or even mention their name, and told him they can bloody well pay me if they want that! And I started working on it (it's quite complicated, so it's not finished yet, and I've been mega busy with other things, not least kids + school holidays).

Anyway, tonight I mentioned that I might take tomorrow off work to catch up on some other things, and dp asked if I could do some more on his project. He asked what I would normally get paid for a day's work by my employer and said if I spend the day working on his project he would put a bill in to his employer for that amount. To which I harrumphed and said if I was doing it for them I would charge much more than a day's pay! (Which I would - a day's regular pay does not equate to a day's freelance pay iykwim.)

Now my blood is boiling again - I feel "why the hell should I do something to benefit this company without getting paid for it" - and yet I want to make life easier for dp - AAARGH!

What would you do? Am i being mean? I'm going round in circles in my head now so any advice would be much appreciated!

hi spacemonkey, i really think you are selling yourself short! if you have been seeing projects through end to end for 4 years you probably already have a great many pm skills. if you feel you haven't delivered on time, at least you have correctly identified that the problem is rubbish requirements - and solving that has been outside your control. which skills do you think you are lacking? or is it just that you haven't had the face to face contact with clients before?

i've had another thought today. if you're starting up a new dept. you might want to say that one of your objectives for the next 12 - 18 is for your dept. to become CMM Level 2 certified.

i've only encountered this in large organisations before, but as you pointed out the principles are the same for all projects really. i've got a colleague in my new team who is responsible for CMM in my organisation. i'll be meeting with her in a couple of weeks, and if you're interested i could find out more about whether the overhead would be worth the hassle in a small group (but it won't be small forever, right?).

i'm sorry i can't recommend any courses - the best ones i've had have been developed and taught in-house.

hth

thanks again bk - you're really helping me here more than you know!

I'm not selling myself short ... I may have picked up some pm skills through bitter experience/trial and error/necessity ... but I don't know what I've got and what I lack without gaining some sort of formal knowledge of the field in some way.

Along with the reading you've already suggested, I am looking at some internet resources about CMM (ashamed to say I didn't know what this was until tonight!). From what I've read so far, this is EXACTLY the road I want to go down with our new enterprise - thank you so much for pointing me towards it. And yes, any feedback from your colleague would be very useful (I feel I am veering towards SHAMELESS levels of brain picking here!).

As I said, my gut feeling about the new job is that it will grow quickly, and I would love to work towards being in a position to plan and guide projects and mentor junior developers. Am VERY excited about the opportunity.

Thanks again - you're a bloody marvel

hi spacemonkey

just got back from the us. unfortunately, my colleague was very busy, and i didn't have time to cover anything but the necessary with her in the time she had available. sorry.

i really think CMM Level 2 is the way to go - it's a widely recognised credential, and if properly implemented, can result in real benefit, imho. also, you have a fantastic opportunity, in that you are starting with a "clean slate" and won't have to get rid of any "bad habits" later - much more difficult of course.

from what i have gathered, CMM L2 is appropriate for projects greater than 3m duration or £100k cost - but i'm not absolutely certain on that (one of the things my colleague could help with...).

i'm sure you can find out lots more on the net, though, and i bet there are lots of books on it too. so i recommend you carry on with your research that way.

if i do get a chance to talk to her in more depth about your situation, i will do so, but please don't hold your breath!

sorry, i haven't been able to help more this time

thanks BK, i will look into it in more detail (actually, i've already had a bit of a look and haven't come up with much, but will keep trawling!)

we had a meeting with our new boss last week and he has so much work in the pipeline for us he seems to think we'll be spending a lot (if not most) of our time doing PM and business development. I haven't a clue when we're supposed to actually do any work IYKWIM! I guess we'll be taking on staff before too long.

Thanks again for following that up - it's really good of you