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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

i love a monster.......

41 replies

armani · 10/12/2010 00:55

...... thats it basically. he treats me as if he hates me, but to him its nouthing. its ok to call me 'a fat fucking slob', because obviusly to him i am.

its ok to watch me struggle with the dcs (3 under 5)whilst he watches tv. its ok to sleep and watch tv whilst im up to 1 in the morning trying to get the house work done. but our house is still a 'shit hole'.

i know he is no good for me or our family, but why do i love him? why do i love someone who quite obviously thinks im dirt and doesnt have respect for me?

Sorry if i sound like i am rambling. just i am worn out and cant take any more.

OP posts:

serajen · 10/12/2010 14:13

honey, this can stop, just take one small step and call Women's Aid

Original poster

armani · 10/12/2010 14:50

I am scared to call them as they helped me last time. I am scared what will happen and don't want my children to loose their home again. I feel like I'm trapped in a dark hole.

OP posts:

believeyourtruth · 10/12/2010 14:56

You've done it before. You can do it again, OP. You have done the best you can in this situation, and he hasn't improved.

believeyourtruth · 10/12/2010 14:57

Does he respect you? No.

iso · 10/12/2010 14:58

Sweetheart, Women's Aid won't judge you, they're there to help.

It can take time to leave an abusive relationship, infact for most women, it takes more than one attempt. You're not at all stupid. You're doing the best you can.

I know it's scary and you're struggling alone with it all right now. Please ring them, they can help if you let them.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 10/12/2010 14:59

WA won't mind you phoning them again. Do call them today.

It can often take several attempts for women to leave their abusive partner. You can dig yourself out of the hole you are in.

QueeferSantaland · 10/12/2010 15:04

Leaving could be the best christmas present you ever give yourself and your DC.

It is possible to leave, you know that.

Womens Aid will not judge you. They will understand.

There is nothing keeping you with this creature.

Why the fuck should he get to live with you and your precious children. He dosen't deserve you all.

((hugs))

flimflammery · 10/12/2010 15:05

Imagine the relief you will feel when you don't have to dread him coming home, because he's out of your life for good. How proud you will feel because you know you've done the best thing for your DC, as well as for you.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 10/12/2010 15:10

Is there someone you can just pick your kids up and go to stay with for a few days ?

Whilst there, you could ring Women's Aid and get yourself some support.

A man that treats the mother of his children like this does not deserve a loving family.

Spitting in your face is an act of absolute contempt that is calculated to bring you to the status of an animal.

But you are not the animal. He is.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 10/12/2010 15:12

Womens Aid are used to women taking several attempts to finally leave an abusive partner. They ahve seen it all before, and will continue to do so. Do not let that stop you.

Make this your last and final attempt to get away from him, before he damages your kids as well as you.

ledkrsbellyislikesantas · 10/12/2010 15:26

I second that,womens aid hardly ever get a woman to leave first time,that is the nature of their work. Dont waste anymore time with this moron,lots of us on here were in your position and are all still here having only experienced positives from leaving.I wont bore you with the details but i never looked back,the feeling of safety and security at no longer fearing for your life or living on a knifes edge easily outweighs any feelings of heartbreak or suchlike and imagine taking your life back from this twat and his face when he realises you are finally standing up to him,call in your friends and start the process.

ledkrsbellyislikesantas · 10/12/2010 15:30

Its not love its dependency,he has broken you to the point that you feel worthless-very clever trick used by insecure idiots-and you now believe you have nobody but him-not true look at us all here supporting you cos you are worth it cos you are a human being. If you have the guts to stay in this relationship then you certainly have the guts to leave it.
God im angry.

Antalya1 · 10/12/2010 15:39

armani please read this..
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/698029-Right-listen-up-everybody

walkinginaWUKTERwonderland · 10/12/2010 15:49

Armani, in a counter-intuitive way I'm going to say - set your sights lower. Say f*ck love, I am going to settle for courtesy and respect.

He is not even giving you that.

Don't worry about calling Women's aid again, they know it takes a few attempts to leave, they know exactly what the process involves.

GraceAwayInAManger · 10/12/2010 16:12

Just another thumbs-up from me :)

Next time he's at work, pack your leaving stuff and call Women's Aid back. I bet you'll feel better straight away! Does he have weekends off?

cestlavielife · 10/12/2010 16:20

you gave him a chance - no one can criticise you for that. we want to see the good in poeple. but now he has proved he has not changed, you need to do it again. you can and you will. calll womens aid. start packing when he at work. you could have a nice xmas away from him, just you and the DC.

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