How will I know I know everything?

[anothercoffeeany1]

My DH and I both work for the same company. About 18 months ago I suspected my husband was too friendly with a female work colleague. When I challenged him about this he said I was being paranoid and ridiculous and that was her personality ? she was friendly with everyone. I also have for years complained to my husband about his flirty personality. Again, he just says it?s friendly banter and wouldn?t call it flirting. OW left company to take a job miles away earlier this year. My relationship with DH improved and in fact I fell pregnant and had new baby last September. Last March I learnt, not from DH, but from a ?friend? that OW had rang DH but he had never said anything about it. I challenged him about it later that evening and he then admitted that, yes they had kissed and cuddled and had exchanged hundreds of texts and phonecalls over a 3-month period and that it had fizzled out. He won?t admit it was an affair just ?an inappropriate? relationship with work colleague. The thing is I don?t believe him. Since last March he has drip fed me bits and pieces about the truth. The row now seems to be about getting to the truth rather than dealing with what happened. I think he is afraid to tell me the truth because he doesn?t want to be labelled as a husband who had an affair and is afraid that I will leave him. I asked him to leave family home for 4 days in March because I just couldn?t stand being around him. How will I ever know that I know everything. DH wants so badly for me to put a line under it and start afresh but I feel I can?t as I don?t trust him about the past so how can I trust the future will be any different. I feel like it?s a soap opera and I have got a few episodes of the truth but the season finale is just around the corner. How will I know I know everything?

I bet your DH wants the line drawn. he is drip feeding and trying to limit the collateral damage.

Unless he sits down and does a full debrief, warts and all our dear OP will never think she has got to the bottom of it, even if she actually has.

He had an affair, an emotional affair, or so we hope. he is afraid you will leave him. OK then, where are the reasons why OP shouldn't kick his sorry arse out.

he knew he was doing wrong and now he is trying to limit the information so OP will quietly drop it.

Does he not realise that unless the underlying reasons he had this EA are sorted, that this relationship is still at risk?

What has he done to win back your trust, your respect, your love OP?

he needs to come clean, you both need Relate, and time, lots of time.

good luck

He is a husband who had an affair, and until he is prepared to face that reality and be honest with you, you might as well ask him to leave.

What a self-serving little shit wanting to "draw a line under it" entirely to his advantage, while you die a little inside because your hurt is denied.

At the moment chances are good he'll do it again whenever he next gets a chance, as he doesn't even think he really did anything wrong.

He 'kissed and cuddled' and that's it? He must think you where born yesterday. Please get yourself to a GUM clinic just to be safe. Sorry you are going through this.

He has had an affair.

If he can't face that and be honest with you, I don't see how you can 'draw a line under it'.

Is he open to going for relationship counselling?

Hi,
I am so sorry this has happened. I have no real advise for you, only opinion.
Unfortunately there is no way that you can 'know everything' or even 'know that you know everything'. As you have already said you don't trust him and you feel there is more to be told and whilst he is drip feeding this info to you; I expect that this is how you will always feel. Going to counselling might help but regardless of what you call this - affair, inappropriate relationship whatever - it is a breach of your trust.
I agree with LittleMiss.