Fuming over my dp's reaction last night and this morning and soooo frustrated that it's been turned around to make it look like I'm over reacting - again.
My DP and I both work - I work part-time in the week, 30 hrs - but take in freelance work which I fit around it - moneys v v tight so we need all we can get.
I got a call yesterday about meeting up at 7.30pm to go over an urgent job. Great. But as it was dd's cub night (local) and I was due to pick her and her friend up at 7.30 I thought I'd see if dp would step in and do it instead. I tend to share the drop/pick up with a friend but didn't want to ask her to pick up as well cos she has a baby and her dp was away and I didn't want to interfere with her bedtime routine.
Anyway, I sent a nice email: 'hiya love,have to go out early tonight, a job's come through blah blah blah, you'll have to pick up and drop off dd and friend. Hope that's ok. x' DP:Hi, No it's not alright, they'll have to cancel. Me: Are you serious? DP: Yes, I would rather not have to run around all night, I've been in work all day.
I was pretty stunned but not surprised iuswim - he hates being told what to do. But his job isn't overly stressful, he never works long hours, he brings no work home with him ever. He really has no decent excuse not to help out other than couldn't be bothered. But also it was the tone of it which upset me as I'd been nice and friendly initially and couldn't see why he was being so abrubt. Luckily my friend stepped in to help. After I got home from my meeting I said I'd been really dissappointed by his response - his reply: 'I'm sure you were' - and that I was upset with him. But I just wanted to eat, unwind and sleep so didn't push it.
Then this morning he moves in for a cuddle in bed, and I say no, I'm still annoyed with you. He says, 'You know what I don't give a sht. You really area f*cking nightmare at times.' Also 'If you didn't order me to do things then maybe you'd get a better response.' I tell him to stop talking to me like that, dd was in our bed - asleep but could have heard. He says he didn't know she was there but then keeps on saying 'So when do you want to talk about it then?' over and over again when I've said we'll discuss it later - which I find quite bullying.
When we're on our own in the kitchen and I try to bring it up he tells me that I need to grow up, that he would have moved on from it by now, that I just want an argument. I told him the way he spoke to me was out of order, he denied swearing at me earlier, tells me I'm the one causing the problems.
This sort of thing is not unusual, but we've been through counselling and we've both made some positive changes. I feel so cross and kind of impotent though because it seems impossible to have any kind of rational discussion with him at times and tbh I hate him for speaking to me/treating me like that. Or is this kind of normal in relationships? Sometimes I honestly don't know what to think.