Karma

[GretelCoolio]

First time poster here but had to share this.

Just found out this afternoon that my ex's partner, who he left me for, is possibly ill - getting tests done, etc. Now I wouldn't wish that on anyone but when he told me I couldn't help smiling inwardly. This is the woman who really broke my family up. So hey ho........

Is that bad?

no, sorry I was answering the OP.

Vagabond- am sure that DF comment to the OP and not to you! You didn't know what had happened.

Thanks.....

I'm sorry about my comment. I was aware it might come across as really horrible when I wrote it, but qualified it in my head as a response to the sentiment expressed in the OP - not the OP herself.

I was trying to say, think about it - the response the OP's words evoked in me was as above. But I don't think the OP herself is worthy of such vilification. It was what she said that I wanted to condemn, and to make her think about whether she wanted to stand by it or not.

I hope that makes more sense. I don't like the way it represented her, and how badly that made me think of her, when probably she is a very hurt and bitter person right now for whatever reasons we don't fully understand...and cannot be aware of.

To express a sentiment such as she did is below any of us. As was the response it evoked.

Sorry Vagabond , hope I didn't offend. Shoulda been clearer.

Oh dear. What a misguided understanding of what karma is.

Well since you just 'had' to share this latest development, I hope you found the validation and satisfaction you were hoping for.

SA

If that's the way your mind works (that men are objects other women steal from you, and that such other women deserve serious illnesses) then it is no surprise you got dumped. ANd unless you lose that sense of entitlement and mindless spite, you'll get dumped again and again.
THat's karma, when your own actions affect the way other people treat you.

Harsh crowd! Of course it's bad, but it's also pretty human. She didn't bring a (possible) illness down on the OW's head, and her smile is only inward.

If she can't mention an inward smile here, then where? It's an honest feeling.

The OW might not be responsible in the way that her ExP is, but she is certainly no friend of the OP. In time I'm sure that the OP's feelings towards her will diminish, but we don't know her story. An inward smile, albeit one that is mentioned in the relative anonimity of MN, is not the same as declaring that she wishes the OW had a serious illness. She just doesn't have much sympathy - and to be honest, out of everyone in the world, why should she?

YUCK
how horrible

SGB, very well said

I truly believe that when you lash out in revenge you end up hurting yourself..The old chinese proverb - He who seeks revenge should remember to dig two graves, one for his enemy and one for himself.

This is it SGB - her husband presumably was not dragged away by this woman in his sleep. He chose to be with her. And if she is ill, he will be devastated, too.

The OP is projecting the hurt she feels in a really unhealthy and unhelpful way. It's not the other woman's fault that the OP's ex chose to be with her. It happens. He has free will. Unless she drugged him or something.

This is the point, this is what absolutely kills (having been through it) and is the reason that some people turn it all into the fault of the 'evil' other woman - they can't bear the thought that their partner rejected them in favour of someone else.

Far easier to say it was all her fault, and thus she deserves everything she gets - including serious illness. that's just an awful way to think.

My guess is that the OP didn't think this way before it all happened, but now it is the easiest path for her thoughts to take. It's wrong, it's bad for her, and it's ugly, and it has to stop or she will end up damaged by it.

Have a little humanity, OP. She's just another woman, who loves your ex, and he loves her. she doesn't deserve your sympathy in particular, but certainly doesn't deserve this either.

I agree with browneyesblue on this one. People are being way too harsh!

Hang on a sec. I know what the OP said was pretty crap, and can understand people saying you shouldn't wish that on anyone no matter what. But it seems like lots of posts are saying that OWs are completely innocent in this? I'm sorry but unless they didn't know DH/DPs were attached, they entered a relationship knowing it would potentially ruin the lives of DW/DCs. Even if they are strangers (which often they're not), it's a pretty shitty thing to do, IMHO.

I dont think people are saying that at all RB.

And it isn't the point.

Being pleased that someone is possibly seriously ill is totally out of order.

To post expecting some kind of validation of that is horrible.

No...it's not harsh...people are shocked. SHE never left the OP..so why gloat over an illness?

Why are people saying the OP is nasty? Why would she give 2 shits?

There's a difference between justified indifference and outright pleasure in someone else's bad luck.

I'm not surprised he left you either. You sound kind of small.

Karma is the ex husband having an affair and then leaving the OW or her making him miserable and him regretting leaving his family.
Her being terminally ill isn't karma and OP being pleased about it (however secretly) is just nasty and makes you look bitter and twisted.