AIBU to be concerned about my friend's relationship?

[beyondfrazzled]

Awake with crappy insomnia anyway so may as well post this now as it's been bothering me.

My friend is a lovely person, lp like me, in a bit of vulnerable position. She's on benefits and doesn't work (though she is looking). Really trying hard to improve her lot.

Anyway I haven't seen so much of her because she's been involved with her new partner (understable in the throes of a new relationship I think).

However, some things have given me cause for concern.

• he is not interested in meeting her friends (despite being given lots of opportunies). I can understand a bit of shyness or feeling awkward but surely you make an effort?

• is very keen for her to move in with him. This would take her away from her support network - which is v important, her family are in another country and she doesn't drive.

• has persuaded her to try and start a family...now. Not in a few months or if/when they move in but right now. Just 2 weeks ago she had a pregnancy scare and was really upset about this.

She has just started getting her life back together after having an awful time with her XP.

AIBU to be concerned for her and suspicious of this bloke's motives? I would love nothing better than to be wrong but am really worried.

Actually would be more accurate to say Aibu to be concerned about my friend.

No you are not unwise to feel concerned here but it is her choice. All you can do is listen and be supportive to her when this all comes crashing down around her ears.

There are a lot of red flags here re him, she barely knows him and she has already had one pg scare. What are his real motives here?. She could be setting herself up for a huge fall.

She needs to really continue to rebuild her life after crappy ex partner rather than have a relationship with yet another potential loser who she could get pregnant by. Is she one of these types of women who thinks she has to have a man always in her life to validate her existance?.

Thanks Attila. I know you're right of course, she's an adult, own decision etc.

I think she is a bit worried about how this is all panning out from the way she talked to me about it ("this is going to sound crazy, but..") and maybe wanted someone to say "hang on" iyswim.

I pointed out tactfully that 6 months isn't a long time and why not wait.

I also pointed out that if she moves over she will basically be completely dependent on this man apart from her maintenance (not much) and child benefit.

He's the one suggesting all this too.

Another thing, he's also quite a bit older than her. Not that this is necessarily an issue, but....

Thinking on, I have got the impression she would like to have someone to 'look after' her (which is understandable when you are having a tough time) and I know she does want to have another child in the future.

How did she meet such a man?. Online?.

There are an awful lot of red flags here.

Your friend needs to take off the rose tinted glasses here and think about all this properly and how fast this is progressing. Its all highly suspicious.

Where does he want her to move to?.

Again I would be wondering what his actual motives are. They are certainly not honourable ones.

She needs to break free of him now before he does her any more emotional harm.

Yeah, I was pretty much thinking along those lines too Attila :(

She did meet him on the internet.

I also pointed out to her that if he's so keen to move in why doesn't he come to stay with her?

My concern is that he is manouvering her into a position where she and her DC are completely dependant on him...annd why would he want to do that?