Tonight I am officially a bitch (it's just a rant)

[maktaitai]

Because I am more than a bit tired of delusional men in my life.

I do know some men who appear reasonably sane, but are more men totally unable to maintain a balanced relationship with cruel reality? Or do you find it in women too?

Dh is casting around trying to find a route forward in life. He is considering becoming a poet, a counsellor, going back to full-time work as a lawyer, moving to St John's Wood, moving to St John's Wood while retaining our current house to let out, retraining as a speech therapist on the two year postgraduate course, getting a PhD in biochemistry... overwhelming himself so much that his main actual task today, coming with me to the teacher's evening, was beyond him and I went alone.

For the last week he has been deeply depressed and anxious. I guess today is his version of manic, and it's nice to see him more cheerful, but after 7 years of saying 'well, it sounds like it could work really well' to a cycle of out-there plans which come round again and again and again, I could do with a bloody break.

I could always go and see my dad of course... who will be a squillionaire once that guy in Nigeria gets that whole bank account thing sorted out .

Is he actually bipolar? Sounds to me like he could be.

My dh does (officially) - I don't like amateur diagnosis or I would have a go at my dad's issues!

I don't really feel i have my feet that much on the ground, i'm disorganised and forgetful and prefer reading to life, but still... i don't expect to waltz into a well-paid and high-status career as a result of those traits, I don't believe stuff in adverts, emails or Holy Scriptures... i do have at least one dose of common sense. Where is dh's and my dad's?

Maktailtai, it sounds like you have a lot going on with your dh's mental health issues, and the effect it is having on his career/housing and financial prospects. Have you thought about getting some support for yourself when he is having this cycle of mania? you could also discuss the issues you have with your father that you have posted about!

I agree poncey, though IMO it has to be something he finds for himself - a crap job identified by me is unlikely to work IMO.

My dad was a crap job avoider as well, only able to conceive of himself in a professional role really (actually he did do one crap job for a bit, you'd have thought he was renegotiating the UN charter, but he got sacked after a while). He was still talking about retraining for a new profession when he was well into his late 60s.

I think dh needs to start off in voluntary work - he has worked for himself for quite a while and has got very isolated, although the break from seeing people all the time has meant he can reduce his medication. I keep drip-feeding stuff about voluntary work - at least today he did actually look at a relevant website and agree to contact them. The way I'm feeling at the moment it will be a miracle if he lasts at it. He takes against people really easily, they treat him in a funny way, they ask questions, they don't ask questions.

I have to say i would actually strongly advise ds against going out with someone who has major mental health problems. I'm probably more prejudiced than the average person - when I hear campaigns against the stigma of mental health problems I sometimes think 'do you ever wonder why the stigma is there?'

hence the bitch title

If he is upsetting you so much and he finds society so difficult right now, maybe it is best that he stays away from society until he is out of this manic phase, could you speak to someone about his treatment and medication, when you are getting support for yourself?

Yeah I might ring Rethink tomorrow, I haven't been in touch for a while.