I have a major crush that has floored me. Need to confess.

[Bearchild]

I am in a relationship. I have children and am about to roll out the old chestnut of i love dp but im not in love with him. We are good friends but we have one major issue that we have very different feelings about and one that cannot be be compromised on. Im not going to say what as if i did you would know who i am, i don't want to be outed. However we discussed this problem and i gave dp the option of continuing the relationship and living with this thing or ending the relationship as friends and co parents. He deicded he wanted to continue, although i think this may have something to do with the fact that he has no fmaily or friends so really has nowhere to go and he is terrified of being alone and starting again.

Anyway i have a crush and it has floored me, i have never really had a crush before unless you count Brad Pitt but this guy is well lovely, we attend a social group together, he is also in a relationship.
I don't think for one second he likes me in that way so im not about to run off with him.
We are good friends though.
I find myslef grinning from ear to ear in his company, i activley look forward to seeing him, he makes me laugh and oh my god he does things to my insides i have never felt before.

I enjoy this hobby so much that i don't want to leave it so im going to have to get over it but needed to get it off my chest here.

bearchild didnt want your posting to fade so many of us posting it happens easily. All I can say is hope it helped getting it off your chest. Enjoy the feeling but don't concentrate on it too much seems like the best thing otherwise you could end up in a rut just thinking about him too much or worse still hoping that it wuold develop when it sounds like it is not the right time for you and possibly not for him either.

Crushes are hell hell hell. There is not much you can do other than just fantasise. I feel you because i'm suffered the same shitty feelings from a crush. Don't let anyone make you feel bad on here...crushes are as common as thrush.

are we allowed to guess who you are ?

Don't worry - enjoy this friendship. You'll probably get over the 'crushiness' of it.

From reading your post, what struck me was how secondary telling "us" about the crush is to you explaining about your current situation with your DP.

Are you happy living as you are with DP? In the sense that do you want to spend the rest of your life living with a man you are no longer in love with, especially when there is no option of compromise over the "issue"? Whilst it would no doubt be a nightmare going through the rigmarole of splitting up etc (esp for him if he's as alone as you mentioned), surely living a lie would be so much worse?

Treat your crush as a minor blip, ignore/enjoy it for what it is and try not to worry too much. It sounds like you need something to perk you up.

AF, for someone normally so wise, the belittling nature of your 'let's guess who you are' post, when OP specifically said she didn't want to be outed, has amazed me.

How is that meant to help? Were you trying to be humorous? Is it because you think crushes are not worth taking seriously? I'm genuinely curious.

Bearchild, crushes ARE hard to deal with, although you sound like you have your head screwed on. You probably know it's probably about what's missing in your primary relationship, and less about this guy, as lovely as he might be.

If you can continue to see this for what it is and keep your feet on the ground (even if your stomach is doing somersaults) then you shouldn't have to give your hobby up. Good luck.

You are right, JNTIM.

It was wanky and needless. Nothing more sinister than that. I apologise, BC.

This is the second time I have had to apologise for being a cock today.

at AF's reference to being a cock twice today.

At least you're not a cock with stuff you post about, unlike me... the burns are healing nicely since I was flamed for my self pitying wanky post [embarrassed]

It was good of you to respond, AF. (And thanks for being anything but a cock with advice for me in the past.)

I have been shitty on here today.

Fucking despicable actually. You were right to pick me up on it.

What were you being self-pitying about ? I didn't see that.

Oh, I was in helpless victim mode about my EA. I confessed to DH and got a flaming on here for how I dealt with his reaction, and how I've dealt with the whole thing, really. God it's made me think. Anyway, don't want to hijack OPs thread, just wanted to answer your question, AF. BTW you did see it, you said well done when I came back on here after my pasting and admitted I'd been a cock!!

shit, my memory is going now as well as my sense of common decency

tomorrow is another day, yes ?

I will draw a line under my cock-like behaviour and you will start to make a little more sense of your emotional turmoil

oh, and I hope bear forgives me and feels better too x

i agree with catpower. the same thing struck me. although your title is about the crush. your post isn't only about teh crush. your relationship with your DP is obviously still very much an issue that needs resolving in your head.

WRT the crush. i think you need to totally accept it for what it is and taht that is all it will be. enjoy it as a crush, fantasise, but maintain your friendship. your feelings will change and fade, and you will be glad of a friendship if it is a good one.

@ AF. are you feeling abit off colour today?

No, I am just being a cock.

it shall pass.

but thanks for asking