PND and having a second baby...anyone been there?

[badheadache]

I'm not sure where to start - this might turn out to be a long one as it's quite complex so apologies in advance!I'm a semi-regular poster but I've changed my nick name for this post because it has a lot of personal information in and my DP knows I post here.

I have a beautiful 10 month old DS who I absolutely love to bits, but things have been really tough.

About 6 weeks after ge was born I was diagnosed with PND. I was put on AD's and began to recover quite quickly. However, in June this year the PND returned with a vengeance. To cut a long story short I ended up spending some time in a pysch hospital as I became suicidal - my DS was cared for by his grandparents (DPs mum and dad, who I will never be able to thank enough) for about 1 month.

I feel luke I've fallen in love with my DS again (hope that doesn't sound too soppy) and he seems to be such a happy, good natured little boy.

As I'm starting to feel better, I've been thinking more and more about having a little brother or sister for my DS - not right now, maybe in a couple of years.

Anyway, I mentioned this to my mum (was visiting for the weekend) and she was horrified. Her feeling is that I shouldn't have any more children, it would be really selfish as it upset everyone so much to see what I went through and it would almost ceratinly happen again. I know this is something she feels very strongly about as she suffered very badly from PND after mine and my sisters' birth. She actually said to me that she wouldn't have had my younger sister if she had known it (the depression) would happen again. For this reason she was very upset and shocked when I told her I was expecting DS, although she totally dotes on him now.

It probably sounds really silly but this has totally knocked me for six just when I was getting my confidence in being a mum back.

I've discussed what she said with my DP and he's quite upset as I know he really wants another baby. TBH, I do too.

On the one hand I'm upset with my mum but on the other I know she has a point. What if it happened again? I couldn't bear to put my little DS - or myself and DP - through that, especially when he is old enough to be aware of

Has anyone been in this situation? Any advice? Thanks to anyone who took the time to wade through that lot!

ME !! i have 3 kids and had pnd after all three,my experience went that yes i did have it again and agin but each time it was a lot less severe,maybe because i knew it may come and was ready for it iykwim,also others new there was a chance it may return so were also looking out for me.I split with my p when i was pg with no.3 so everyone expected my pnd to be ten times worse but it was in fact the lightest time i had.
I appreciate this wont be the case for everyone but this was my experience,you never know and just because your mum had it the way she did doesnt mean you will too and as in my case people will now be aware of the chance of you getting pnd again so will look out for you more as you will yourself.

If you know it is possible, there is a much better chance of getting it diagnosed and treated more effectively this time. Taking fish oils during your pregnancy reduces the incidence of PND, and you can treat yourself very carefully and get lots of help.

badheadache,-I suffered PND after two out of three of my children. first time was along time ago and quite mild, last time was really bad and 1yr or so ago.
AND I'm pg right now with number four ( )last time I tried very hard not to 'get' PND -v stupidly, like you have any control over these things!!- and when it really hit I kept telling everyone I was actually fine and refused any further help. then I fell apart abut a year after dd2 because of that stupid 'i am fine' attitude.
THIS time i have been speaking to medical help already. I have a perscription ready to fill on the day i deliver for anti-d's and a massive back up of proffessional help just waiting for my shout. i am also speaking to my dh much more, telling him my 'silly' fears and concerns as often as poss so he is uptodate with how I am feeling coping. its a simple thing but a huge step forward to me.
your chances of having PND are greatly increased after having had it......but its not a certainty. I refused to let it stop me having the family I wanted and feel somewhat comforted by the help and understanding I am getting now.
please dont JUST listen to your mother. speak to you dr, your old depression drs, your HV, everyone you can actually. I suspect they will support you rather than discourage you. alot has changed since your mother had PND dont forget.
I hope all that made sense and helped some.

Loobie, do you mind me asking how you experienced PND? The reason I ask is that mine was very severe and the thought of it happening again really concerns me. I am very worried bout the effect it might have on my family (by which I mean DP and DS).

I think my mum was very distressed at seeing me go through what she did - but at the same time I don't regret having DS for a second. He is certainly the best thing I have ever done with my life!

Thanks dramaqueen that does help. It's hard not to be affected by what my mum says though because she feels very strongly about it and I don't want to upset her cos I love her to bits.

BTW dramaqueen congratulations!!!

Badheadache - I suffered seriously with PND from when ds was 9 days old until I finally went to the GP when he was 18mths old. I had fallen into a deep dark hole that I couldn't get out of. I considered violent suidide on a number of occasions, but thankfully never ever attempted it. Nobody else knew except DH.

When ds was about 2 I started getting really broody. I knew I wanted more kids, but like you, didn't want it to happen again..... but I put on my stubborn hat and thought NO WAY is this illness going to prevent me having another baby.

So I amred myself with knowledge.... I admitted to friends/family what I had been through. I got leaflets and explained to people that its not just about not coping, I explained that its an illness and that its horrendous! I was so determined not to let PND take over the rest of our lives.

I got pg with dd by accident and by the time I was 32 wks pregnant the fear of PND happening again was taking it's toll. BUT the difference was I TOLD people how I felt. At my 32 wk antenatal appointment I told the midwife. She knew I'd suffered PND before, so she gave me the Edinburgh Test. I scored 18. She whisked me through to the GP who spoke tp me at length then prescribed AD's. I didn't take them as teh side effects were not compatible with my work.... but that one appointment seemed to change my outlook completely!!!!

I realised finally that I wouldn't be on my own if it happened again. I would have people taking me seriously from the start BEFORE it got to the severity it had been before. I would get help BEFORE I became suididal.

I made arrangements for my HV to come around every week to my house for the last few wks of my pregnancy. She spent 2 or 3 hours at a time just talking to me, helping me see that not all my emotions were caused by depression.... and that its okay to cry.... and that didn't mean I was plummeting into a deep deep depression again. She taught my relaxation techniques and just generally made me realise that even if PND did come back.... it could be different this time.

I'm happy to say that my gorgeous dd was born last August and PND didn't raise its ugly head! My HV carried on visiting me after her birth until I was confident enough to say that I felt 'normal'!

I was so happy that I posted a thread on here just trying to reassure women in your situation that, although it can happen again.... it isn't inevitable and doesn't mean you'll be as bad. You are a different person from the one then! You have suffered from it..... you have overcome the worst of it..... you're stronger now and you and your DH can actively do everything you can to minimise the impact of PND.

I remember looking at dd when she was a couple of weeks old and thinking that the fear of PND could've stopped me having her.... but it didn't!

Hope I've made a bit of sense, I'm at work and trying not to cry typing this!

Toothache, thank you so much for your response, please don't cry because you've made me feel a whole lot better. How wonderful that you had a happy ending with your DD. You sound like an amazing person

God I'm not amazing, just stubborn!!!!I really strongly believe that if you prepare mentally and physically to tackle it head on then you are in a better position from the off!

The GP also explained to me that women can start low dosage AD's whilst pregnant in order to help prevent PND at all.

It honestly doesn't HAVE to be like last time. And when your Mum had babies PND was still treated like a shameful secret!