always feel upset after my dad phones :(

[color]

Just wanted to tell someone, anyone.

Should end this posting here but will add that since mum passed away it has been like this. My dad makes me feel empty, I just have the unhappy feeling that overtakes me after speaking to him. It is like he does not care, he says he does but all his actions show he really is a very distant father.

Too much to tell. A lot has happened over the years which has put a tremendous strain on our relationship - definately his doing. I am not the only one who feels this way but we all live a long way from each other. It's just this distant and formal way he has of talking to you. Whether I phone or he phones it is alway brief which is just as well really.

I can talk to dh but have to wait until the children are in bed as I don't want to upset them. It has been this way for years now. I made huge efforts to make it different in the early years. While I can talk to dh about it how many times do you want to spoil the evening yet again by going over the same thing. Also dh is a man so does not seem to see just how badly the contact affects me.

Thank you for "listening".

[HecTheHallsWithBoughsOfHolly]

Sorry that you are feeling like this.

What do you want to do about the situation?

put up with it?
confront him?
walk away?

[whenallelsefailsmaketea]

Hi color

Read your post and didn't want to leave you unanswered.

I find it helpful to realise that some people are "radiators" and some are "drains". Spend time with a radiator and you will feel warm and happy. Spend time with a drain and the opposite happens.

If you are one of life's radiators others will gather round and take comfort from you. It can be exhausting.

If your Dad is a drain then he is taking something from you with every interaction. I try to feel sorry for people who do this because they must feel awful inside.

Think of Harry Potter and the Dementors trying to suck out the goodness and joy from you and every time you have contact with him put up your defences like a shield.

It's not your fault, it is how he is made!

[googietheegg]

My mum felt like this about her dad too, and the situation was the same in that her mother died first.

I've spoken about it with my mum since her dad died, and she said she always hoped that it would get better, but it never did. She comforted herself with the knowledge that she continued to do the right thing, but she would have to steel herself to call him, and my dad would be waiting with a large brandy for her to drink afterwards, usually in floods of tears.

I know this is no help, but hoping that it will get better can be so frustrating and soul destroying, as it takes two people to want a relationship to be better.

[color]

Thank you for responding everyone. I don't normally reply to every individual that replies to my postings, guess it just shows how needy I am right now.

googietheegg - I no longer end up crying just feel like my whole being is in floods of tears. I am beyond hoping it will get better but then again who am I kidding. I always hope but it is true what you say, it does take both.

whenalle... - gosh your name is so long but thank you for your reply. Oh I get it just read your name properly - love it when all else fails make tea! What you say is how I try to reconcile my situation but I ended up telling myself what you said at the end and also console myself that it is not totally his fault either in that maybe it is just him and not done intentionally but that I cling to as time goes by without really believing it.

Hec-holly - thank you too. What I want is for it to change for the better. I have tried believe me I have tried, we all have in our own ways but he is who he is it's just hard as he is our father. I am the sensitive one whose mind it plays on for longer it seems. Over the years I have tried all three. If I could live in another country it would help and believe me I have dreamed of that but it is not an option.

Life could be worse but I just felt so low after his call I turned to the one the only MNetters.

[HecTheHallsWithBoughsOfHolly]

When the children are in bed tonight, cuddle up to your husband and let it all out. xxx