When to have sex for the first time??

[Dipso]

Sorry, I'm sure this has been done to death but it's the old chestnut - when to have sex with someone new. When you feel comfortable, not before the 4th date, not until you get married??

I've met someone nice. We've had 3 lovely dates with lots of talking, hand-holding and kissing. It feels good, he seems quite sane, we both really like eachother and we've talked about what we're looking for (and for both of us that's something long-term and monogamous). I'm planning to go to his at the weekend for Sunday lunch but intend to drive home afterwards. But of course I might decide in the course of the afternoon that I really really want to sleep with him.

In all my previous relationships I've become physical too soon, before I've known enough about the man and I don't want to do that again. Feels a bit different with this one though....

when you can't think of a single reason not to?

I have had sex too soon in new relationships and felt bad afterwards - usually because I had been cajoled into it when I had said I wasn't ready - which is a REALLY bad sign anyway.

So with my dh I left it till I felt it was right - I knew I liked hm a lot and didn't want to feel that bad feeling. He never tried to persuade me, was the epitome of gentlemanly behaviour.

It was about 3 weeks and was lovely and has continued to be lovely.

I agree chrysanth - gentlemanly behaviour is mandatory. What happened in the relationships where you didn't feel comfortable? Did you end it or did they?

I did - should have paid attention to the early warning signs! There are so many arses about - but at least they have the courtesy to let you know early on that they are arses - it's the sneaky ones you have to watch - when they pretend to be nice.

True: re the sneaky ones. I remember a boy I adored who after I'd slept with him (we'd been dating around 6 weeks) just ignored me, blanked me and pretended I didn't exist. It was awful. I will always remember the Sunday morning after the night before when I asked him if he wanted a cup of tea and he acted like he hadn't heard me. I simply couldn't believe it and was devastated, totally shocked. I called a cab and left the flat in floods of tears :(

OP the signs sound very promising! I would continue to take it slowly and wait until you are as sure as you can be that he wants the same things that you do :). Take your time but be v affectionate otherwise. Good luck!