This relates to a very close friend. I am trying to advise her on this relationship and I feel I am a bit close to it
& am a bit stumped so thought would ask here. Thanks in advance. I'll try to be brief but sorry a bit long:)
Back history: My friend, let's call her Jane, met John back in 2002. She fell for him, completely and utterly. They happily dated for about 9 months and then she felt he wasn't committed enough & was a bit immature and distanced herself although she still adored him. Things fizzled out. She has never forgotten John and has driven her friends mad about him :) She hoped he would come back to her if he was the 'one' etc. They have a chemistry, share lots in common otherwise and get on like a house on fire.
Jane is now 32 and John is 30.
Around 2004 they briefly dated again, same in 2008. Same result was that Jane felt John wasn't really interested in the serious relationship she hoped for.
John called Jane out of the blue earlier this month. They have kept in vague touch via FB etc and the odd drink but this call was unexpected but she was delighted. He said he'd had time to think things over and wanted to make a go of it. The first thing he did was to ask her to a house party on the coast where she would get to meet his close friends and stay over/spend the weekend that sort of thing. In the past he hasn't really mixed Jane with his friends so she took this to be a good sign. He said he wanted her to meet everyone informally and was very excited about it all.
On the car on the way down the coast various friends of Johns called up asking if there would be any 'hotties' at the party etc. John mentioned a few girls which Jane thought were girls John had been sexually involved with at some point in time, he has a bit of a reputation as a player. Jane was beginning to wonder and get nervous.
Long story short they arrive and John is incredibly attentive. The hostess says that John has reserved the best room in the house for Jane and wanted everything to be perfect for her. They go into dinner and Jane has John on one side and some other guy on the other side.
John says something about this guy to suggest he is 'important' and 'rich' and he will introduce Jane if she likes. Alarm bells are ringing. Jane adores John after all but did John mean it in the way she fears?
They eat and drink a lot and the other people, friends of Johns, are surprisingly nice and very friendly. About 2am the party continues and Jane is exhausted so John sees her to bed. He says he is going back down to join the party for a bit. Jane thinks nothing of it and goes back to sleep. In the morning John is cuddling her and all seems well.
John asks her not to go downstairs without him in the morning. John is exhausted and wants to sleep on. Someone knocks at the door and asks them to go downstairs for lunch but John isn't feeling well so Jane stays with him.
About 4.00pm John gets up and showers and asks Jane to let him go downstairs first and then follow him a few minutes later. She does this (I did ask why!) They all watch a film and get a take away. Jane goes to cuddle up to John and he pushes her away saying loudly he is 'too hot'. She feels overly clingy and hurt.
John then drives her back to his place and acts a bit distant but not completely off hand. He's been quiet since. Is there any hope for Jane? WWYD? And why might John have behaved like this?
Thanks for any input. Sigh, I feel exhausted by it all.