lost friendships

[whitetulips]

I had a really good friend ( I thought), who was the pivotal one in a lot of my friendships. We all got to know each other through her.
Our teenage daughters had a row the week I left my ex over his affair, and she joined in on facebook, slagging my dd off.
She and her dh tried to get me involved, but I was too busy moving, coping with both dc having operations, moving house again, and 'dh' bringing his foreign girlfriend to live here 2 months after I left him.
So a few months down the line, I have no friends. I have deleted the whole group from facebook, as I was sick of seeing all their photos and status updates of their wonderful social life together, and never being asked to anything by anyone.
I know you find out who your friends are at times of need, and I have needed friends this year, but it turns out I have none.
So not only did I choose a crap husband, I chose crap friends.
I now am looking forward to a lonely christmas and new year, and feel a bit rubbish.
I have good colleagues, and I have started a new hobby, but I am not sure that I can be really close to the people I meet there, outside the activity.
I have tried to not let this get to me but it does.
Any top tips?

Oh what a terrible time you are having!

You are better off without facebook.

Don't be lonely this Christmas. There are plenty of people out there that would love to meet you and be your true friends.

You had a crap husband and shitty friends but don't let that ruin your Christmas.

Give the new people a chance, they might be the friends you really want.

if they aren't then what have you lost?

[big hug]

Bet you are a great person [hug]

Be more choosy next time!

The fact that you are getting on well with your colleagues and you have a new hobby are great. Hopefully you will meet some people who don't rely on putting each other down or bitching in order to bond.

Of course this is "getting to you". It sucks. It sounds as though this group are very cliquey and childish. What about looking to other people you know outside that group? You might find that others (who were perhaps intimidated by / didn't like that group) might still be waiting in the wings.

Thank you, that post does come across as a bit self pitying, which isn't the real me, but the latest set of pictures have been the last straw.
Cliquey, bitchy, you got it. if anyone was absent, they would be the target, so I know I will have given them hours of satisfaction.
I know I had to stop torturing myself, but it leaves a big empty space.
My hobby is very satisfying, and each week I am getting to know people a little better.
It is so hard to work full time, manage a house, bring up 2 children, and manage a social life too.
I am trying to be positive towards everyone I meet, even just passing the time of day in a shop queue, and I have come so far this year, but I am feeling sad today.

I think you have done a wonderful job, as you say you really know who your freinds are when going throug difficult personal situations that are life changing. That group may have done you a favor, you may not see it now! Have you thought of having some therapy to work out why you have made poor choices in relationships, it can be very usefull.

If it helps, my former bf, dumped me for no reason that I could think of when i was going throug my divorce. She had just come out of a painfull situation in her life, and I later found out she did me a favor as she had some sort of meltdown, on her 40th she was sleeping with 15- 21 year olds, and other weird stuff I have been told so not sure if true! She would have dragged me down at a time when I was vounerable so I am now gratefull, I had time to focus on the dc and myself and learned to be self sufficent, it was a hard leasson learned, worth it!

Focusing on your dc, home, work and hobbies sounds like a wonderful idea!

I lost many of my friends when I left my ex. There are one or two who I became closer to though. Is there anyone who has been a friend who you perhaps weren't so close to who you could see a little more now?

I think this does happen when we find ourselves single again. Are all this group in partnerships? Many of my ex friends get together without me as they have partners and I don't. It's a weird thing that happens, as if you are some sort of threat if you don't have a partner, or someone to be shunned.

You are also very early on in your new life, so I am sure you will make loads of friends in the future if you carry on as you are. You sound lovely!

It is sad though I agree.

Thanks, I feel a bit better now that I can't see their entries on fb, it makes it less real, when the evidence is not so in my face!
Some of them are single, I honestly don't know why I have been shunned, other than that I agreed with my dd's point of view and said so!
Never mind, it is their loss, and next year can only be better than this one.
I am going to book a holiday for me and the dc, the first in 4 years, maybe having something to look forward to will help.