Am feeling so depressed. .

[maltesers]

DP I have been with for nearly 3 yrs now is working away in Brighton and cant get back this weekend cos of snow.
3 Children, youngest of whom is 10yrs and still at home. SAHM except for Voluntary work 2 hrs perweek. Feel my life has little purpose, DP away all week now for the non-forseable future. Miss him and his emotional support. What worries me is he now has this brilliant well paid job away Mon-Friday ,(which he hs been waiting for for over 3 yrs ) and now he cant even get back at weekends because of the weather. This job BTW means EVERYTHING to him !!!!!!!!! I feel 2nd best I'm afraid.
I have had so much awful treatment from men in my life I am now getting into a very upset, depressed state cos DP is away. Am i being pathetic, , how should i pull myself together. . .The whole thing i am feeling is, i know due to circumstances but am not feeling good at all.

Plse dont tell me to pull myself together, worse things happen at sea etc. I am feeling very anxious and down. . . . . :(

I don't post in this section very oftgen but I didn't want your post to go unanswered. I'm sorry you are so down; it's not pathetic, especially when you have been looking forward to the weekend. As you know though it isn't your DP's fault that he can't get back because of the snow; I'm sure he wants to come back and see you too. Are there any friends or family you can meet up with so you don't feel so alone? Or can you have a treat weekend by yourself - get some nice food in and watch a good film by the fire, have a long hot soak in the bath, go out somewhere nice with your youngest?

Also maybe you should have a think about what could make your life feel more purposeful; I don't know anything about your circumstances but maybe it's time to think about a job or more voluntary work or doing a course or something you can enjoy without your Dh when he's not there in the week.

I also think you should talk to your DP about how you feel when you see him again. It's obviously hard for you and he needs to know about it.

I know how you feel, my dh is due to go away in jan...only for 4 days, back for the weekend then away again for 5 and the thought of it makes me hysterical!!!
i have 2 ds's ( 4 and 3) and a 6 week old dd and i've never been on my own

ooaahhh babybump. . i am here for you to talk to. xx

yes you are right Saker. . i have a voluntary job but only 2 hrs every monday. .. i need more i guess and must find it.

can't you move? Brighton's fab!

Thats a lovely idea msboogie but hav 10 yr DS at prep school here in Salisbury. Will hav to ask his Dad if he can weekly board next year or somthing, esp if DP is working there on a long term basis which i hope cos we need the money.
The very good news is he managed to get bak late last night as a train was running. So am feeling bit better. But pathetically know i will sink into depression once he goes back on Monday .

So you will send your son away to board so that you can spend the week with your husband?

You can't build your life - and your happiness - around your DP, or when situations like this arise (and if he's away for work this is going to go on for some time) what will you do with yourself?

Have you spoken to your doctor? Do you feel that you may have 'proper' depression, ie poss need to think about counselling or a short course of antidepressants? If your mental state is very low, the simplest things can seem overwhelming. Maybe a course of CBT would help you change the way you react you certain events/situations and think more positively.

Think about education or work possibilities,take up a sport.....Think about what the time you have means you can do and achieve for yourself, rather than wishing your life away waiting for the weekends.

react to sorry

You are right POLLYBLUE I shouldnt and cany build ur whole life around your DP, but when you have spent 23 yrs with horrible , control freak , dominant aggressive partners you really appreciate a good man when he comes along. My DP of 2-3 yrs is a god send and so kind and loving conciderate and all i would wish for. He has brought me so much happiness these last 2 1/2 years. More than i have found in 23 yrs since before nmy older DS was born in 1988. !!!
TBH I have been a fitness instructor for 14 yrs and now kind of retired save on a cover list at my local gym , sot to keep fit now i tend to swim or do gym every day. . .plus cycle there as i have sold my car.
I do plan to try to find a job, although i have voluntary work at my local hospital on a monday a.m. its not enough.
The idea of my DS weekly boarding has been on the cards for some time now, and i know he would enjoy it as my older 2 children have grown up and left home, so he is like an only child; plus, the company of the boys at school would be good for him.

Why can't you move your son with you, to a secondary school in Brighton, rather than leave him to be with a man you have known for 2 years? Just how many control freak men have you had? Have you had therapy to look at why you keep going for unhealthy relationships?

Thanks maltesers..same goes to you

Think if you had more to do you wouldn't dwell on your DP being away so much. With your only child at home about to go to secondary school, you will have lots of time on your hands for work, voluntary work, studying etc. Personally I wouldn't be in a hurry to follow DP / DH for a fixed term assignment and place DS in boarding school. DS will appreciate you being there at the end of the school day whereas DP is likely to still be at work; and children often need a lot of support with the transition to secondary.

DS is at a boarding school where most children board either weekly or termly, he is one of the few day boys. . /girls. . . . . .and importantly he actually WANTS to board. He is at a prep school where they can stay till they are 13 yrs , , ,end of year 8 , so he isnt moving on to secondary school yet anyway; he is only year 5 .
Plus, when he does move on (Year 9) and leave his prep school he is going to board anyway at a Public private school.. . .
I dont intend to move to Brighton, and i have Voluntary work i do , plus this is my home town where i am now.