Biggest bl@@dy stupid argument we have ever had

[fairyfly]

and it has completely scrambled my head. Don't even know what its about. Please someone tell me its normal or i just cannot manage relationships.
Is it normal to also think you want to end it but then panic and not want that at all.
My energy is completely sapped with men sometimes but i also test them and bring it on myself.
So so dull stubborness and sulking though, i can never be arsed to carry it on for long, but my goodness he can.
I have a babysitter for a party tonight and now staying in. I'm even considering buying a bottle of wine and talking crap on mn.
Can i have a virtual slap and shake please.

it is normal ime though. dh and I used to have arguments like this for the first 5 years of our relationship.

5 years

It's absolutely normal. DH & I had tons of "ending it" arguments in our pre-marriage days. We've been married 16 years and never have them now. Better to get them over with early on. Hope you get it sorted out and manage to have a laugh about it. Enjoy your wine

They do say the first five years are the most difficult in a relationship.... dp and i still have a massive row which starts, I think we should split up, at least once ever three months but we've been together eight years so over the worst.

Thank god, i though i was insane threatening ending it, it's such a dangerous game but at the time i really mean it.
I wish i could go to a school of love. Learn all the
ways in which to act. I just can't keep my mouth shut.

Give him a call and say 'what's the point in prolonging this silly row. Come on. Let's go to the party and have fun.'

If he still sulks go on your own.

Because i think i always sort it out and its down to him. Rang him already and he was so unnaffected while i have been completely manic that i thought sod it. Answer was.... yep yep yep so you've had enough, blah blah blah, bye then.
Besides he's dj'ing at the party and i don't want to turn up , want to act like i don;t care either.

Why?

He obviously does care, he shows it in many ways, it's just that some of the ways he shows it are different from the way you show it.

Vive la difference IMO. When you are lying on the floor crying and screaming 'no', he is patient and kind. When you are rowing and threatening to break up he acts cool. Good thing he doesn't act uncaring in the former case when you really need him, isn't it?

Bollocks Anorak your right

this is your best friend you're talking about isn't FF? The one you've known for 12 years?? I should think he probably knows you well enough by now, go to the party and have fun

My dh is much the same. He's stuck around through all my depressions even though he didn't understand them. His lack of emotion has sometimes made me think he didn't care, but it was all because he didn't know how to express it and there was no outward sign. I trusted in the practical support he gave me when he could have walked away. Nowadays he is much more open emotionally, he is learning to talk about feelings because I have given him a safe place to open up to.

But it did take time and rows. In the beginning.

Nope, not going, he doesn't want me there, his patience is dwindling, , going to step back and give him some space and besides he's making me feel shitty so im best just alone sorting my head out.

Sorry to hear that ff.

Can't stay and chat as I'm taking ds dd2 and nephew to the social club.

Should turn me into a screaming witch by 9pm eh?

Hope you feel better soon xxxx

Message withdrawn

Thanks Anorak have a good night

ff don't worry about it honey - we, dh and I had the most massive argument the other night about nothing - in fact we couldn't remember what started it! you're right to give each other some space tonight, so pour yourself a large glass of wine and watch crap on tv/talk crap on mn - but no late night drunken texting, that'll add fuel to the fire

FF, IMO it's totally normal. When you've had your heart broken a time or two, it takes forever to get to trust in another relationship, I reckon.

True, i still find it difficult when we argue to separate the old from the new. I start to put all the problems of the past into this relationship and think the worst of him. Infact sometime i think i am completely f@cked up.
Had a really weird day, went through paperwork. In one box i found lots of assault and court bumf. My friends funeral requiem sheet. Letters off my x. Opertation guidlines from my son. Basically my brain went into overdrive.
I know its bound to happen now and again and is perfectly reasonable to wallow in the past. It won't last. One of those meloncholy self pity days.
It's probably good for you in some weird way.

Already texted him lmb, should have read this thread first, maybe i wouldn't of.

fairy fly it is more then our names that our similiar. check my post babe. i always do that. hope your ok though mate dont stress yourself too much xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

You're not completely f*cked up. Or no more than me (ahem). He loves you, you love him, you can get through this row and then reassess whether you want to be together and - I'll bet you - realise that you do.

I think it's also difficult to realise that for many of us rows are - sadly - part of the way our relationship functions. I don't mean constant evil nastiness, but the odd row. I've realised that when DP and I tip over into constant bickering something is wrong, and that maybe we don't work enough on the whole Relationship Thang but also that we are the sort of people who do have the odd blazing blow-up.

would someone like to tell my ex that please. seriosly though ff if your fucked up then i think everyone is. men and women are so different there is jsut no way that we could coexist without some kind of disagreement.

hi fairyfly, happily ever after last night? fingers crossed. x

How immature and complicated is going out with someone. Went and found him. Told him i was sorry and i loved him. Big snog. All good. Back in love.............till next time

Great!
Fwiw you don't sound IN THE LEAST fcked up. Not a bit.